“Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter accusations”

The training dummies we used for CPR training have more life in them than I do. PGP

Actually liking your tinder date. PGP.

My older co-workers are always asking me to “jazz up this Power Point presentation”. PGP.

The only reason my digestive health is regular is because of the morning coffee

Interviewed a guy who reminded me of myself. I did not hire him because I know how much of a piece of shit I am. PGP.

I’m an incredible interviewer but an awful employee #PGP

Still not sure why they asked my desired salary on the application. PGP.

I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life, assuming I die by Monday. PGP.

Fruit is fucking expensive. PGP.