If you’re gonna plus one that RSVP, make sure the couple gave you that option. Source: My wife got suuuuper pissed when my degenerate friends added a plus one, because “we only invited your friend.”
Legitimately did not know that was a thing, so I thought I’d share with the group.
Ok so Jr was PROMISED dirt on Hilary. Showed up at the meeting, only to have a conversation about adoption with the Ruskies. Fine, I’ll buy that this is some sort of bait-and-switch scenario. But are we cool with this defense? imo, its akin to, “Honey, I was gonna bang that prostitute, but it turns out she just wanted me to help her move into this country legally, so you have nothing to worry about!”
downvote me all you want, that sort of cognitive dissonance is fucking absurd.
My wife got my grandfather’s wedding ring from my dad, and incorporated it into my wedding ring, and if you think the waterworks don’t start up every time I tell this story, you’re bananas. Sentimental value means a lot for guys, too. Her inability to realize and acknowledge that makes me mad.
Me and the soon-to-be Mrs. Hacker are moving into our first place together this weekend, and tying the knot next weekend. I know this isn’t really seen as the ‘cool’ thing to be doing, but I can’t. Fuckin. Wait.
Fuck us tall fat people, Rico. We don’t even deserve to be on the same airplanes as the midgets who somehow fit effortlessly into those 12 inch-wide torture chambers called airline seats.
The number of good boys and good girls in this column was too damn low. I only say that, because I’ve never seen a collection of doggo and pupper photos that was large enough for me to not want to pet every. single. one.
worked as a KJ for a few years during undergrad. Karaoke is pretty alright when the singers are good. When it is exclusively methed-out hookers and other such dregs of society, I’d rather remove my inner ear with a phillips head screwdriver than stay for more than a song or two.
Ok so hear me out here. I think being a garbage collector would actually be a pretty chill job. Think about it: what’s the only downside? Yeah you kinda stink like shit, maybe permanently. But, the body has this neat-o response called olfactory fatigue, meaning if you are around smelly shit for awhile, it eventually doesn’t smell too bad to you.
Now some of you might be saying, “But what the hell are the perks?” To that I reply, if you smell all the time, nobody’s gonna notice if you get a little diet coke can filled with wine, or blaze a J out back before you start your shift. Aaaaaand garbage usually gets picked up early in the morning, so you are gonna be able to get off work at a decent hour, shower until you don’t stink like shit, and then go have some fun.
This opinion is not supported by any actual evidence or experience on my end, and my buddy and I came up with it when we were hammered drunk one night, but if the internet wasn’t made for developing and defending absolutely absurd takes (also porn), then I really don’t know what it’s all about, i guess.
Took my phone swimming during my bachelor party on saturday. I can say, with 100% certainty, that the uncertainty of not having a phone fucking blows. Also, if you wanna talk about Scaries, just think about getting a renewed wave of them every time you reach for your phone, and then remember you’re a damned idiot man-child.
Advertise
That is my literal and figurative nightmare.
I was on the fence about the first writer until I got the back-to-back-to-back early 00s puns, and those swung me firmly into her corner.
*Will DadFries
This was an instant classic when it dropped. Might have watched it three or four times that week.
Are…. are all of these people played by Brad Pitt?
Joke
.
.
my head
If you’re gonna plus one that RSVP, make sure the couple gave you that option. Source: My wife got suuuuper pissed when my degenerate friends added a plus one, because “we only invited your friend.”
Legitimately did not know that was a thing, so I thought I’d share with the group.
I concur.
Ok so Jr was PROMISED dirt on Hilary. Showed up at the meeting, only to have a conversation about adoption with the Ruskies. Fine, I’ll buy that this is some sort of bait-and-switch scenario. But are we cool with this defense? imo, its akin to, “Honey, I was gonna bang that prostitute, but it turns out she just wanted me to help her move into this country legally, so you have nothing to worry about!”
downvote me all you want, that sort of cognitive dissonance is fucking absurd.
My wife got my grandfather’s wedding ring from my dad, and incorporated it into my wedding ring, and if you think the waterworks don’t start up every time I tell this story, you’re bananas. Sentimental value means a lot for guys, too. Her inability to realize and acknowledge that makes me mad.
Me and the soon-to-be Mrs. Hacker are moving into our first place together this weekend, and tying the knot next weekend. I know this isn’t really seen as the ‘cool’ thing to be doing, but I can’t. Fuckin. Wait.
Name checks out.
Fuck us tall fat people, Rico. We don’t even deserve to be on the same airplanes as the midgets who somehow fit effortlessly into those 12 inch-wide torture chambers called airline seats.
He looks regal af, imo
The number of good boys and good girls in this column was too damn low. I only say that, because I’ve never seen a collection of doggo and pupper photos that was large enough for me to not want to pet every. single. one.
WEDDING REGISTRY RED ALERT OH FUCK
Mellencamp’s Jack & Diane or Gimme Some Lovin’ by the Blues Brothers.
worked as a KJ for a few years during undergrad. Karaoke is pretty alright when the singers are good. When it is exclusively methed-out hookers and other such dregs of society, I’d rather remove my inner ear with a phillips head screwdriver than stay for more than a song or two.
Ok so hear me out here. I think being a garbage collector would actually be a pretty chill job. Think about it: what’s the only downside? Yeah you kinda stink like shit, maybe permanently. But, the body has this neat-o response called olfactory fatigue, meaning if you are around smelly shit for awhile, it eventually doesn’t smell too bad to you.
Now some of you might be saying, “But what the hell are the perks?” To that I reply, if you smell all the time, nobody’s gonna notice if you get a little diet coke can filled with wine, or blaze a J out back before you start your shift. Aaaaaand garbage usually gets picked up early in the morning, so you are gonna be able to get off work at a decent hour, shower until you don’t stink like shit, and then go have some fun.
This opinion is not supported by any actual evidence or experience on my end, and my buddy and I came up with it when we were hammered drunk one night, but if the internet wasn’t made for developing and defending absolutely absurd takes (also porn), then I really don’t know what it’s all about, i guess.
Took my phone swimming during my bachelor party on saturday. I can say, with 100% certainty, that the uncertainty of not having a phone fucking blows. Also, if you wanna talk about Scaries, just think about getting a renewed wave of them every time you reach for your phone, and then remember you’re a damned idiot man-child.
I vote we call them “St. Louistonians.”