Things Girls Do After Graduation: Redecorate

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Things Girls Do After Graduation: Decorate

“I’m so hungover,” Todd pleaded. “Can’t we do this literally any other day?”

She tucked her t-shirt perfectly into her joggers before resting her hands on her hips and looking at Todd, who sat in bed with his iPad and a cup of coffee she’d made for him.

“Okay, Todd,” she responded. “Like when? Tell me when we have time.”

She was hungover too, but too proud to admit it. She had made the plans to go to Design Within Reach before she realized she’d finish a bottle of wine at their dinner party. Todd sat looking blankly at her. He was either trying to think of a different time they could go, or completely zoned out from the scotch and cigars he decided to end the night with.

“Fine, let me shower,” he finally relinquished. He stood up out of bed and lumbered to their bathroom where he’d shut the door, only to have it reopened so she could put makeup on in the mirror.

* * *

She stood next to him sipping her Whole Foods smoothie while Todd squinted at the pricetag of the pillow she’d picked out.

“No, absolutely not,” he told her. “There’s no way we’re spending $295 on a pillow.”

“Todd, you don’t understand,” she explained. “It’s designed by Hella Jongerius,” something she’d learned while perusing the DWR site earlier that morning while attempting to let Todd sleep off his hangover.

Todd looked over at a pile of other pillows that he considered to be more than suitable. “Okay, what about these?” he asked.

She looked at the tag and saw that the pillows Todd had selected as adequate were on sale. “Ew, no, Todd, are you serious right now? These are hideous.” She didn’t actually hate-hate them, but it was important to her to get it through Todd’s had that they were buying quality items, no matter the price.

“Okay,” Todd responded, exasperated. “We can think about those pillows. What else did you want to look at before we head out? I told John I’d meet him for lunch while you and Caroline go to that spin class.”

Without answering him verbally, she looked up from her phone where she was texting Caroline and then walked to the chair she had been “coveting.”

“Before you say anything,” she began. Todd knew that anything that started with “before you say anything” was going to be either ridiculous, expensive, or ridiculously expensive. He wasn’t wrong, and she’d probably openly admit that if Todd verbalized his thoughts regarding the phrase.

But she continued, “This chair is a statement piece that will last us a decade, if not longer.” So while she didn’t openly admit the chair was expensive, Todd knew the words “statement,” “piece,” and “decade” indicated everything he’d prophesied.

She slowly walked him over to a pair of Eames lounge chairs and was pleasantly surprised by the look on Todd’s face.

“So?” she wondered while Todd felt the black leather.

“I mean,” he hesitated, “Yeah, I like them a lot – they’re the same ones my dad has in his den at home.”

Internally, she lit up. She had priorly planned to use the pillow as a gauge to whether or not Todd would be willing to spring for something high-end, so needless to say she had her worries about him being taken by the chairs.

She stood blocking the price tag from him as he sat down and complimented the comfort of it. “My dad’s is a lot more worn in, but I feel like this would just get more and more comfortable as the years go on,” he commented.

She was elated.

Excitedly, she assumed he was sold and began jumping into the logistics. “We could put it right to the left of where the couch currently is, and we could get a smaller coffee table to make room for the ottoman.”

Todd nodded.

“I mean, I know it’s a lot but when you think about how much relaxing we do in our living room area, $6,000 really doesn’t seem like that much.”

He perked up. “Hold on, what?” he asked.

“What?” she responded, unsure of which part was fuzzy to him.

“These are $6,000?” he clarified.

“Well, I mean, technically $6,460 but they’re doing a 10% off sale for 4th of July that we can take advantage of which makes them so much more reasonable.”

Todd stood up from the chair that he’d all of the sudden become disgusted with. “I’m sorry,” he told her, “But I’m not going to spend $6,500 on a pair of chairs.”

“It’s not for the pair, Todd,” she told him matter of factly. “It’s just for one, and like I said, with ten percent off we’re actually getting a steal for a timeless piece.”

“For one?!” Todd guffawed.

She hushed him for fear of a salesperson or another couple hearing how disgusted he was. “Todd,” she told him sternly, “Stop it. You’re making a scene.”

“Okay, okay, sorry,” he apologized realizing how loud he had shouted. “But come on, we aren’t going to pay that much money for a pair of chairs, let alone one single chair. That’s insane.”

Her worst fears had been realized – they were likely not going to leave the store with the Eames chair she had pinned several times over on her “mid-century modern” Pinterest board.

“Okay, fine, we’ll just use that same ratty old chair that you inherited from your parents’ storage unit,” she mocked. Todd, on the other hand, was completely fine with that.

He looked at his watch. “Was there anything else you wanted to look at here? John’s probably going to text me soon to tell me he’s leaving.”

“Sure, Todd, just go to your stupid little lunch with John.”

“I mean,” Todd started, “I’m not going to go if that’s the way you’re sending me off.”

“No,” she stated. “Seriously, just go, I’ll call an Uber to class and we can all meet up after wherever you two go.”

Todd knew it would come back to bite him, but his lingering hangover needed a chicken salad sandwich with fries more than it needed peace of mind.

While he began texting John that he was going to head out, they began slowly walking to the exit of the store while she lectured him about the value of good and well-designed furniture. He was listening enough to look engaged, but not enough to actually contribute to the conversation.

“…like if you just go to IKEA,” she continued, “…everything you buy will fall apart in, like, six months and then you just have to go back to that hellhole again.”

He nodded along while she continued.

“…I mean, we can register for dishes and stuff at IKEA, but for furniture and accessories, we need to register somewhere like this.”

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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