I love when the state maps come out, and it’s like “each state’s favorite candy,” “each state’s favorite emoji,” “each state’s favorite Kardashian.” Sure, they’re gimmicky and there’s no way the data is very accurate, but they’re just fun.
And now, friends, we’ve found THE most fun of them all. The thing each state hates the most. And the data apparently comes from a new dating app called “Hater,” which matches people based on what they hate. Which is AWESOME. Everyone knows the couples that stay together the longest are the ones that bitch to each other about the same shit. Frickin’ brilliant. It’s a pretty new app so it’s not clear how robust the data is, but that doesn’t mean we can’t judge the shit out of each state and h8 on their answers.
If you’ve got hate in your heart, let it out. Air those grievances. Let’s dance.
Of course Utah…
Stop depressing me Minnesota…
Wisconsin, get over yourself.
So. Dakota and Kansas need to culture themselves.. pic.twitter.com/tkip6S4mr5
— Andrew Hammond (@ahammsportsgeek) July 18, 2017
Alabama: Vegetarianism – Roll tide! That’s what I’m talking about. Give me all the meat. Interesting that ‘bama isn’t known for its barbecue considering how much they hate vegetables.
Alaska: Graffiti – Little known fact, Alaska has a HUGE tagger problem. Bridges, buildings, parked cars. All targets
for the country’s most notorious graffiti artists. Just kidding (I think?), but seriously what’s the deal with Alaska and graffiti?
Arizona: Sand – You’d think it’d be “heat” considering it’s like 120 degrees in ‘Zona all the damn time, but I can get down with hating on sand, too. Anakin Skywalker doesn’t like sand either, so maybe he’s secretly from Arizona.
Arkansas: Cleaning – Woo pig sooie, this is controversial. On the one hand, I’m a big fan of cleaning my body. Not so much a fan of cleaning the bathroom. This is kosher with me as long as there isn’t a cleaning lady shortage in Arkansas.
California: Fidget spinners – Fuck you California, fidget spinners are Dante’s Inferno level heat. Electrical fire like the pros do it. Most fun you can have with one hand outside of, ummm, yeah. Here’s proof.
Colorado: *NSYNC – Love this. LOVE it. Didn’t realize I was so pro Colorado until now, but realizing they’re so team Backstreet Boys that their most hated thing is *NSYNC? I’m moving to Boulder and going to say bye bye bye to New York.
Connecticut: Winter – Cake eaters out in Connecticut are the New Englanders who struggle with winter the most, so this makes perfect sense. But you can’t appreciate the Nantucket house if you don’t have to battle the cold winters.
Delaware: Casey Affleck – What the fuck?
Florida: Workout couples – Feel this is a big time issue in Florida; swolemates just overrunning gyms with matching athleisure and chiseled body PDA running rampant. I expected Florida to hate something way more obscure, to be honest.
Georgia: Tuna salad – Ummm, like the stuff that goes in a tuna fish sandwich or a tuna melt? This is a weird one.
Hawaii: Taking videos at concerts – YES! Hawaii, thank you. I feel like we cover this every fucking month, but Hawaii is the voice of reason. Stop taking Snap vids at concerts, unless you want to give me a thumb cramp.
Idaho: Asking for directions – Idaho, the most manly of the states, apparently. Also struggling to get Google maps to catch on.
Illinois: Biting string cheese – Preach! That’s some pre-crime shit.
Indiana: Bloggers – Hey, Indiana, go fuck yourself. Apparently Indiana is a bunch of Big J Journos who don’t like the trajectory of how content is being consumed.
Iowa: Long hair on guys – But how do they expect dudes to man bun and do that thing with the thin headband that Euro soccer studs do that make them look like the lead singers of MGMT?
Kansas: Seinfeld – You know what, Kansas? I hate YOU! How bout dat? Seriously though, Kansas, go educate yourselves.
Kentucky: Friends that ask you to help them move – What’s next, they going to ask you to drive them to the airport, too?! The nerve!
Louisiana: Being the designated driver – haha never change, Louisiana. Respect the hell outta this. I imagine the Uber business is booming down on the bayou.
Maine: “Boys nights” – Come on, Maine, let the boys play! It’s Saturday night, SMH.
Maryland: Cheap coffee – I concur. Don’t be bringing that Folgers bullshit to a Maryland breakfast meeting.
Massachusetts: Eli Manning – I mean he doesn’t even crack my top ten hated enemies, but he did have a big hand in taking two Super Bowls away from Tom Brady, so yeah checks out.
Michigan: Pride and Prejudice – deFries, care to weigh in? Guys, the book came out in 1813…get over it!
Minnesota: Drinking alone – Better than not drinking at all. Eating alone is great, drinking alone shouldn’t be so hated. Be better, Minnesota.
Mississippi: Anal sex – Ha!. Prudes. It’s 2017, y’all. Things go in butts now. Maybe we should have let them secede after all.
Missouri: People who believe in aliens – If you don’t believe in aliens, you’re an idiot. Missouri, you’re a bunch of IDIOTS.
Montana: Going to the gym – Montana, the laziest state, apparently. To be fair, you’d think there are so few gyms in Montana that everyone’s gotta drive like three hours just to find a decent squat rack.
Nebraska: Friendly reminder emails – PGP.
Nevada: Feminism – Bunch of fucking hardos out in Nevada, huh?
New Hampshire: God – Absolutely incredible. Live free or die, and oh yeah, we h8 Gee dash Dee. Respect.
New Jersey: Jellyfish – Nothing disrupts a perfectly good day of GTL down at the shore like a jellyfish invasion on the beach. I guess.
New Mexico: Polo shirts – I got nothing. Wear them, don’t wear them, I don’t give a shit.
New York: Times Square – Truer words have never been spoken. There’s a special circle of hell reserved for the worst of the worst, and I’m like 99% sure it’s a replica of Times Square mid-summer, 90 degrees with a bananas in pajamas humidity factor. Worst place on earth.
North Carolina: DUI Checkpoints – hahahahah, love that.
North Dakota: Tapas – North Dakota, NOT a fan of fad culinary trends. Tapas are dope, so North Dakota if you could just shut up, I’m trying to enjoy my brunch tapas over here.
Ohio: Tying a tie – Can’t close deals if you don’t look the part, Ohio.
Oklahoma: Hearing the latest gossip – Fine. You can’t sit with us. If you want to be left out of the loop, cut off from the circle of trust, that’s your prerogative.
Oregon: Spin class – Erroneous! Spin class is pure heat, and it’s bamboozling if you don’t like it. PS, Flywheel > Soul Cycle, don’t @ me.
Pennsylvania: People who use money clips – If you don’t have a George Costanza wallet you’re not tough. Plain and simple.
Rhode Island: Middle America – Now, Rhode Island needs to get off their high horse since they’re the trash bag of New England. But they’re still New Englanders and that’s >>>> than middle America. I know we have a lot of fly over state readers, but even you guys have to know that you landlocked motherfuckers are at least a little easy to hate.
South Carolina: Edward Snowden – Snooze fest city. Not even going to address it. There’s really no reason to get your panties in a bunch over Eddie Snow, so South Cack, take a lap.
South Dakota: The New York Times – South Dakota, NOT a fan of journalism. Fake news like they write about.
Tennessee: Foraged food – As a fan of the show, The League, I love the episode where Andre becomes an urban forager, but I legit didn’t realize people actually forage for food, and I guess it’s a big point of contention in Tennessee.
Texas: Sleeping with the window open – This has to be a heat thing. Or a mosquito thing. Texans, care to weigh in?
Utah: Porn – I…I just…No. Wrong. Even the Mormons should be loving porn at this point. It’s the greatest thing of all time! We live in a world where all the free porn money can buy is just a click away. And it. Is. Glorious.
Vermont: Waiting in line – Life is too short to wait in line. Vermont knows what’s up.
Virginia: Dabbing pizza grease with a napkin – I used to do this and then I realized I wasn’t a nerd so I stopped. If the pizza used good cheese it wouldn’t be greasy anyway.
Washington: Keurig K-cups – Washington coffee snobs checking in!
Washington DC: The idea that everyone has a soulmate – This is so depressing but so so so real. Thanks DC for ruining my day. I know e have a ton of DC readers so looks like none of you freaks are helpless romantics. I pray for you.
West Virginia: Lyft – Mountaineers are BIG Uber loyalists. People forget that.
Wisconsin: Trap music – And here I thought Wisco couldn’t get any whiter. Whitest thing ever said by the cheese-heads
Wyoming: Gluten-free – Yup. GF was invented like five years ago by the food industry just to charge more for bread. True story..
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