Without the pics for those of us who hate Buzzfeed
27 Signs You’re The Turtle Of Your Friends
You have the worst fashion sense of your friends. You’re the fat guy of the group. You always end up being the one who drives everyone else around. You’re the one in the group with a niche obsession. No one respects you. No one takes you seriously. You’ll completely humiliate yourself to get laid. Everyone complains that you’re always on your phone. Everyone complains that you smoke too much. Though you’re pretty much the nicest of your friends, everyone gives you shit for no reason. You just can’t ever seem to catch a break. Everyone is puzzled when you land a hot girlfriend. Everyone is even more puzzled when you land another hot girlfriend. And another. No one acknowledges your attempts at self-improvement. You have a random, totally ridiculous nickname. The weirdest of your friends think you two are the closest BFFs of the group. And you can never seem to shake constantly getting paired with them. You’re relied on to be the one that’s “cool with black people.” Yet you still have to constantly assert your value to your friends. Despite all this, you’re the most loyal friend of the group. And probably the moral center of it, too. Which means you’re trustworthy in a pinch. And probably a pretty solid dude overall. Which, in the end, helps you make big deals. And get the girl. And with those things, being the “Turtle” isn’t all that bad.
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long distance is the wrong distance
I can’t bill a client for working out so I probably won’t do it.
Yo everyone knows the world’s oldest profession is really hunter/gatherer.
I can’t bill a client for vacations so I probably won’t go.
That’s not what “humanist” means.
Damn the boomers for destroying America.
lol @ USF and UCF being cool places to go to school
Oh I get it; it’s bad advice
I miss friends the most. I have almost no friends in my town.
Although this is true, if you’re paying for it out of GradPLUS loans, you’re real dumb.
#6 – dude needs to work on his swing
Yo Shadow how long until you take to the woods and start living in a compound and stockpiling guns in an attempt to stick it to the Feds?
Gil’s that friend you have that’s the perennial punching bag for the group.
Thought ol’ Gil was gonna get fired. Had me goin there McGannon.
#5 – WWOP
I’d represent Humplestead’s Steak & Scotch House
Without the pics for those of us who hate Buzzfeed
27 Signs You’re The Turtle Of Your Friends
You have the worst fashion sense of your friends. You’re the fat guy of the group. You always end up being the one who drives everyone else around. You’re the one in the group with a niche obsession. No one respects you. No one takes you seriously. You’ll completely humiliate yourself to get laid. Everyone complains that you’re always on your phone. Everyone complains that you smoke too much. Though you’re pretty much the nicest of your friends, everyone gives you shit for no reason. You just can’t ever seem to catch a break. Everyone is puzzled when you land a hot girlfriend. Everyone is even more puzzled when you land another hot girlfriend. And another. No one acknowledges your attempts at self-improvement. You have a random, totally ridiculous nickname. The weirdest of your friends think you two are the closest BFFs of the group. And you can never seem to shake constantly getting paired with them. You’re relied on to be the one that’s “cool with black people.” Yet you still have to constantly assert your value to your friends. Despite all this, you’re the most loyal friend of the group. And probably the moral center of it, too. Which means you’re trustworthy in a pinch. And probably a pretty solid dude overall. Which, in the end, helps you make big deals. And get the girl. And with those things, being the “Turtle” isn’t all that bad.
It is a testament to Wagon Wheel’s tiredness that the first 3 comments to this article, posted simultaneously, all referenced Wagon Wheel.