28 Ways To Be A Fantastic Roommate

Single white female3

From the day you shared a bedroom with your older brother to the day you found that house with dirt cheap rent on Craigslist that turned out to be a drug front, we’ve all had the glorious experience of rooming with another human. Whether it’s a friend or a stranger, here are some tips for making the best of your rooming situation.

  1. Always hide the remote. It’ll keep things interesting for you two.
  2. If he or she is allergic to something, like peanuts, line the outside of your room with peanut butter. It’ll keep your things secure and the place smelling fresh.
  3. Save water by throwing your colors in with his or her whites.
  4. Also save water living by the “If it’s brown, flush it down; if it’s pee, let it be” motto. Especially when your roomie has guests over.
  5. Never turn your snooze off before entering the shower. Your roommate likes to know when you’re awake.
  6. If you forget about food in the fridge and it starts to smell, leave the container of 3 week old grilled shrimp out on the counter so it can air out. Bonus – leave the fridge door open, too. It probably needs to air out, as well.
  7. If you guys decide to label food, throw your initials on everything they purchased that you’d like to share.
  8. Offer to cook a pasta dinner for the two of you one night. But don’t forget to charge them for half the box of pasta, half the jar of sauce, half the dollop of soap it took to clean the plates, half the tablespoon of various herbs, and half the hourly wage you would’ve made had you been cooking this in a real restaurant.
  9. If you normally shower at night and your roommate likes to shower in the morning, wake up two minutes before they do and get the shower ready for them by taking your own. Remember, no shorter than 15 minutes, no longer than 45, and make sure you’re using scalding hot water the entire time.
  10. Be considerate and always let your roommate restock the toilet paper and paper towels. They probably have a preference of which way the TP faces and you don’t want to ruin that for them.
  11. Put bleach in their shampoo if they’d look better as a blonde.
  12. Adult-to-adult confrontation in a mature manner can be extremely intimidating for your roommate. Leave passive aggressive post-it notes to get your point across.
  13. If your roommate has a horrible cat allergy, adopt an adorable kitty to help improve their immune system.
  14. Or take in the litter of strays that lives under your neighbor’s deck. That works, too.
  15. Loud sex lets your room mate know that you are busy and not to come in. Make sure your headboard is against the wall that divides your rooms.
  16. If you run out of undies, headphones, socks, cash, pillows, prescription medications, credit cards, etc., make sure to leave a note when you take things out of his or her room without permission.
  17. Be helpful by moving your dirty dishes from the coffee table to beside the sink. That way, your roommate can do all of the dishes at once.
  18. Assume that the lone toothbrush in the bathroom is for sharing.
  19. If your roommate is overweight, subscribe to a fitness magazine in their name. Remind them constantly how fat you feel after eating your wedge of lettuce and half a carrot.
  20. Park in the middle of the driveway to assert dominance in your house.
  21. Kindly bag up your trash and leave it outside of your roommate’s door so they can easily take it out to the trashcan.
  22. Talk on the phone with your mom. All night. In the living room. This way, your roommate can be filled in on what you had for lunch, what your coworker said to you, and how many steps you clocked in on your pedometer without having to ask.
  23. If your roommate isn’t a smoker and you are, smoke in the house anyway to show them what they’re missing out on.
  24. Write a column on how to be a good roommate and leave it on the fridge for them so they can see your healthy practices.
  25. Muddy shoes let your roommate know exactly where you’ve been so they know exactly where to clean. They also show that you’re outdoorsy and adventurous.
  26. Put all of their mail and bills in a miscellaneous drawer. Preferably in your room. That way, they can pay everything at once when they find it.
  27. Draw dicks on the whiteboard outside of your roommate’s door when his/her parents come to visit. That way, their parents know you have a sense of humor. No whiteboards? Drywall works just fine, as well.
  28. Christen their bed for them.

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Topanga is a contributing writer for Post Grad Problems. Lover of red wine, mediocre gossip, and Corey's whipped ass.

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