Why Being 23 And Single Is Actually Awesome


  1. I’m twenty-fucking-three. That is literally all the reason I need, but the list continues.
  2. No pants? No problem.
  3. I don’t have to feel things. Which, again, is reason enough.
  4. I don’t have to ask permission to do anything. Even my mom tells me I’m 23 years old and I can do what I want.
  5. My body is in peak condition, so if I have to take up stripping to pay off these student loans, it won’t be a problem.
  6. I can be broke without someone’s help. Or their judgement.
  7. My DVR, my bed, my food, and my hot water all share something in common: they are the only things I technically own in this world.
  8. I can have activities without putting in the extra two cents of effort because I honestly couldn’t care less.
  9. You can watch SportsCenter to your heart’s content.
  10. Unlimited flirting potential with none of the commitment.
  11. Fuck buddies.
  12. I get my way all the time. I don’t have to compromise on what movie we’re going to see or which restaurant we should eat at, etc.
  13. My family knows I’m too poor to spend money on them so I don’t have to buy anyone anything ever. It’s great.
  14. I can go out and get hit on without someone throwing a bitch fit.
  15. I can politely ask my “friend” to leave after adult activities without feeling like an asshole about it.
  16. I don’t necessarily have to clean my apartment if I don’t want to, which should probably be closer to the top of this list.
  17. My phone doesn’t get blown up like crazy on a regular basis.
  18. And I don’t have to babysit anyone after a night of heavy drinking.
  19. Yes, I’m going to eat “all of that.”
  20. I can masturbate. Whenever. I. Want. Without someone having a fucking complex about it.
  21. I have full control of the remote, which means I can watch the UK game followed by Sex and the City if I want.
  22. I can get blackout drunk and not have to explain myself or apologize to anyone.
  23. And I don’t have to take anyone home to meet my parents, therefore never getting asked when I plan on getting married, or going home, for that matter.

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My state gave you J. Law, Clooney, two-fifths of the Backstreet Boys, and multiple fifths of bourbon. I gave you a cover letter using Brian McKnight lyrics. Psuedo-adult by day; PGP, TFM, and TSM contributor by night. Please don't ask me to do math.

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