Spending your signing bonus before you start the job. PGP.

Having sex with my shirt on.

Pondering your lunch plan four hours before lunch. PGP.

Having the constant fear that my mute button will malfunction at the worst possible time. PGP.

Found out my old middle school bully works at Starbucks. I go there twice a week in a suit. PGP

I just told somebody to “join the team.” I feel like a little part of me has died.

Having to check instagrams to figure out whether or not she has kid(s). PGP.

My company not having its shit together is the only thing keeping me from being fired. PGP.

1: “Did you already eat lunch?” 2: “Yeah.” 1: “Do you want to go to Chili’s anyway?” 2: “Yeah.” PGP.