Completely agree with 19th Hole. We could (and have) spent every minute all day together for a week+ and never get sick of each other. That doesn’t mean we talk every minute, but we’re comfortable with silence or just doing our own thing and don’t feel the need to “be our best self” or impress each other. If you’re getting sick of each other or you’re not comfortable enough to be your true self, you married the wrong person. It’s cliche as fuck, but you gotta marry your best friend and life will be grand.
Yeah I’m in this camp too, I feel bad for the bride. Showers typically are outside the bride’s control and usually driven by pushy family members. I didn’t want one at all, but my family badgered me so fucking much that I finally gave in and had one just to make it stop. If she comes from a divorced family or has a pushy mother in law, she’s probably already under so much strain from all this. My take: you’d be fine just going to one or you’d be fine going to them all, but either way, only give one gift. Maybe check with bride and other bridesmaids to see what everyone else is doing?
I’m totally on board with beverage variety and lots of it. However, as a former brunch server, I gotta say, tipping is extra important here. Where I worked, every meal came with one alcoholic beverage included, plus coffee/soda/juice was free refills. That meant I worked my ass off constantly bringing refills on water/soda/coffee/juice and the only thing actually showing up on the check was the $1 coffee. Lots of drinks/refills are a ton of work and it’s mostly not reflected on the bill. Unless you’re ordering full priced booze and tipping on it and then my friend, fucking go for it.
Second this one. My side hustle is lifeguarding and teaching swim lessons at a gym. Not only do I get paid to do something I don’t hate, but I also get a free gym membership on top of it. And I make my own schedule.
I was raised by two coffee addicts and also I’m married to one, but despite all the exposure, I hate both the smell and the taste, although I’ve learned to live with the smell. I drink a lot of tea, but not for the caffeine, I just enjoy the taste. I wish chai tea lattes weren’t just straight up sugar, those things are bomb
Other than the fact that she called your advice bullshit, I’m not seeing anger in this post. I agree with everything she said and I think she laid it out well. While I personally might have been more polite in my response and skipped the cursing (everyone is entitled to their own opinion, especially you, the one who was asked for advice), the fact is that the comments sections are full of people tossing around curse words and it’s a bit condescending that of all the people on PGP, the only who gets called “angry” is a woman disagreeing with you and providing a more feminist perspective.
Guess what makes me comfortable and happy? Being married to my best friend in the world. Guess what makes me uncomfortable? Giving up my name, the one I’ve used as my identity for 29 years and the one that I earned my degrees with. And you know what? My husband doesn’t give a shit what my last name is, because I am still the woman he fell in love with, regardless of what my name is. Neither of us has one foot out the door because we are crazy in love and in this for life. FYI, plenty of people who share a last name split up so I’m pretty sure legal name changes have nothing to do with commitment. To the girl with the question: do what feels right for you, no pressure or judgement either way 🙂 If sharing a name is that important, ask your husband to take yours (watch how fast he freaks out…it’s totally okay to expect women to give up theirs, but god forbid men ever do it)
Eh sure all cities are like this to some extent, but NYC is a special kind of awful. I’m from Boston and I’ve traveled around the country for work and no city comes even close to being as dirty, gross, and expensive as New York. It constantly smells like hot garbage and pee, and the subway is awful. I remember when I visited Chicago, my first thought was, wow this feels like New York, except clean and with nice people.
If things have progressed far enough in the hook up for dicks to be out, I’m assuming you’re both too riled up to care much about anything except getting some. If she’s horny (and I assume she is if clothes are off; this advice does NOT apply to douche bags who send unsolicited dick pics), she doesn’t care about anything except getting it in. So don’t worry about it 🙂
Visited West Lafayette a few years ago (friend in grad school at Purdue and I was road tripping from Boston to Chicago so stopped in). Went to the one brewery in town, bought a round of five craft beers for $9, and can safely say I have seen everything West Lafayette has to offer. And yes, you read that right. five craft beers for 9 bucks. I legitimately thought there had been a mistake and the bartender had only charged me for one beer.
Yah agreed. The partying was fun and I had a blast, but the part I miss most is living with or within a five min walk from all my friends and just hanging out all the time. Yah we all worked and had class, but there was no need to schedule plans three weeks in advance, we saw each other everyday with no effort. Now everyone has separate lives and it’s a fucking production to get everyone together in a central location.
For real. The ads make me really, REALLY want to go, until I remember that it’s cold, the food is gross, and really the only thing to do there is look at the beautiful views, hiking and caves. Except there’s beautiful views, hiking and caves all over the world in much better places to visit.
I started dating my husband about five weeks before my birthday. I expected little from him beyond a “happy birthday” text. He took me to the science museum, which was especially sweet because I had mentioned a few weeks back that there was a new exhibit I wanted to see, and then burgers and beers afterwards. He paid for admission tickets and dinner. It was less a “gift” and more of a date, taken up a notch (we were both super broke bartenders at the time so spending $50 on a night out was a big deal). Take him out somewhere cool, pay and then head back to your place to give him his real present.
My childhood was pretty similar to yours…I was also on a first name basis with my local librarian and read everything I could get my hands on, so I appreciate your love of books and I feel the same way. But girl…1. we all know they’re not the same, no one ever said listening=reading and 2. if you commute via car and don’t have Audible, you’re missing out. Listen to Harry Potter. Just do it. The voices…are fucking absurd and yet awesome.
I care less about the loss and more about the Butler bench move. What the actual fuck? The guy is Super Bowl legend, just ask Russell Wilson. Belichek better not be going soft on us, he’s becoming a guy who wears tailored, clean sweatshirts instead of grungy hoodies with homemade short sleeves and I’m not into it.
Drop the “performance” from B for just anxiety of any kind and I’d say if there’s no medical issue, it’s likely a combo of B and C (not saying it’s not performance related, but I’d open it up to any and all types of anxiety)
Sweaty balls smell horrible. That’s just a fact of life. If your man has a job where he’s doing physical labor/working up some crotch rot, he needs to shower before you head down there. Or you could just deal with the smell, if it’s bearable. If you really like him and you don’t want to end it, you have to say something, preferably in a light, joking, but still very direct manner. But a relationship without physical stuff is no relationship I’d want to be in…you gotta give if you wanna get.
I know from the #GirlBossSucks article that you’re not ready/willing to strike out on your own, which I completely understand….but I absolutely love your writing and if you ever wrote a book, I would 100% buy it. This type of article is profound and the kind of writing that really speaks to people.
It’s completely understandable to not respond for 4-6 hours. People are busy. But we all know you most likely get a mid-day lunch break and or at bare minimum a bathroom break and you are definitely looking at your phone. When you get a text from someone you’re super into, you get excited and want to respond. Being busy in itself is not the issue…the issue is when you’re so unexcited to see a text from your significant other that replying to them is a low priority and takes 10+ hours 🙂
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Completely agree with 19th Hole. We could (and have) spent every minute all day together for a week+ and never get sick of each other. That doesn’t mean we talk every minute, but we’re comfortable with silence or just doing our own thing and don’t feel the need to “be our best self” or impress each other. If you’re getting sick of each other or you’re not comfortable enough to be your true self, you married the wrong person. It’s cliche as fuck, but you gotta marry your best friend and life will be grand.
Yeah I’m in this camp too, I feel bad for the bride. Showers typically are outside the bride’s control and usually driven by pushy family members. I didn’t want one at all, but my family badgered me so fucking much that I finally gave in and had one just to make it stop. If she comes from a divorced family or has a pushy mother in law, she’s probably already under so much strain from all this. My take: you’d be fine just going to one or you’d be fine going to them all, but either way, only give one gift. Maybe check with bride and other bridesmaids to see what everyone else is doing?
I’m totally on board with beverage variety and lots of it. However, as a former brunch server, I gotta say, tipping is extra important here. Where I worked, every meal came with one alcoholic beverage included, plus coffee/soda/juice was free refills. That meant I worked my ass off constantly bringing refills on water/soda/coffee/juice and the only thing actually showing up on the check was the $1 coffee. Lots of drinks/refills are a ton of work and it’s mostly not reflected on the bill. Unless you’re ordering full priced booze and tipping on it and then my friend, fucking go for it.
Second this one. My side hustle is lifeguarding and teaching swim lessons at a gym. Not only do I get paid to do something I don’t hate, but I also get a free gym membership on top of it. And I make my own schedule.
I was raised by two coffee addicts and also I’m married to one, but despite all the exposure, I hate both the smell and the taste, although I’ve learned to live with the smell. I drink a lot of tea, but not for the caffeine, I just enjoy the taste. I wish chai tea lattes weren’t just straight up sugar, those things are bomb
Other than the fact that she called your advice bullshit, I’m not seeing anger in this post. I agree with everything she said and I think she laid it out well. While I personally might have been more polite in my response and skipped the cursing (everyone is entitled to their own opinion, especially you, the one who was asked for advice), the fact is that the comments sections are full of people tossing around curse words and it’s a bit condescending that of all the people on PGP, the only who gets called “angry” is a woman disagreeing with you and providing a more feminist perspective.
Guess what makes me comfortable and happy? Being married to my best friend in the world. Guess what makes me uncomfortable? Giving up my name, the one I’ve used as my identity for 29 years and the one that I earned my degrees with. And you know what? My husband doesn’t give a shit what my last name is, because I am still the woman he fell in love with, regardless of what my name is. Neither of us has one foot out the door because we are crazy in love and in this for life. FYI, plenty of people who share a last name split up so I’m pretty sure legal name changes have nothing to do with commitment. To the girl with the question: do what feels right for you, no pressure or judgement either way 🙂 If sharing a name is that important, ask your husband to take yours (watch how fast he freaks out…it’s totally okay to expect women to give up theirs, but god forbid men ever do it)
Eh sure all cities are like this to some extent, but NYC is a special kind of awful. I’m from Boston and I’ve traveled around the country for work and no city comes even close to being as dirty, gross, and expensive as New York. It constantly smells like hot garbage and pee, and the subway is awful. I remember when I visited Chicago, my first thought was, wow this feels like New York, except clean and with nice people.
If things have progressed far enough in the hook up for dicks to be out, I’m assuming you’re both too riled up to care much about anything except getting some. If she’s horny (and I assume she is if clothes are off; this advice does NOT apply to douche bags who send unsolicited dick pics), she doesn’t care about anything except getting it in. So don’t worry about it 🙂
Visited West Lafayette a few years ago (friend in grad school at Purdue and I was road tripping from Boston to Chicago so stopped in). Went to the one brewery in town, bought a round of five craft beers for $9, and can safely say I have seen everything West Lafayette has to offer. And yes, you read that right. five craft beers for 9 bucks. I legitimately thought there had been a mistake and the bartender had only charged me for one beer.
Yah agreed. The partying was fun and I had a blast, but the part I miss most is living with or within a five min walk from all my friends and just hanging out all the time. Yah we all worked and had class, but there was no need to schedule plans three weeks in advance, we saw each other everyday with no effort. Now everyone has separate lives and it’s a fucking production to get everyone together in a central location.
For real. The ads make me really, REALLY want to go, until I remember that it’s cold, the food is gross, and really the only thing to do there is look at the beautiful views, hiking and caves. Except there’s beautiful views, hiking and caves all over the world in much better places to visit.
I started dating my husband about five weeks before my birthday. I expected little from him beyond a “happy birthday” text. He took me to the science museum, which was especially sweet because I had mentioned a few weeks back that there was a new exhibit I wanted to see, and then burgers and beers afterwards. He paid for admission tickets and dinner. It was less a “gift” and more of a date, taken up a notch (we were both super broke bartenders at the time so spending $50 on a night out was a big deal). Take him out somewhere cool, pay and then head back to your place to give him his real present.
My childhood was pretty similar to yours…I was also on a first name basis with my local librarian and read everything I could get my hands on, so I appreciate your love of books and I feel the same way. But girl…1. we all know they’re not the same, no one ever said listening=reading and 2. if you commute via car and don’t have Audible, you’re missing out. Listen to Harry Potter. Just do it. The voices…are fucking absurd and yet awesome.
E-vites are actually the way to go….because those fancy invitations you spend hundreds on will inevitably end up in the trash.
I care less about the loss and more about the Butler bench move. What the actual fuck? The guy is Super Bowl legend, just ask Russell Wilson. Belichek better not be going soft on us, he’s becoming a guy who wears tailored, clean sweatshirts instead of grungy hoodies with homemade short sleeves and I’m not into it.
Drop the “performance” from B for just anxiety of any kind and I’d say if there’s no medical issue, it’s likely a combo of B and C (not saying it’s not performance related, but I’d open it up to any and all types of anxiety)
Sweaty balls smell horrible. That’s just a fact of life. If your man has a job where he’s doing physical labor/working up some crotch rot, he needs to shower before you head down there. Or you could just deal with the smell, if it’s bearable. If you really like him and you don’t want to end it, you have to say something, preferably in a light, joking, but still very direct manner. But a relationship without physical stuff is no relationship I’d want to be in…you gotta give if you wanna get.
I know from the #GirlBossSucks article that you’re not ready/willing to strike out on your own, which I completely understand….but I absolutely love your writing and if you ever wrote a book, I would 100% buy it. This type of article is profound and the kind of writing that really speaks to people.
It’s completely understandable to not respond for 4-6 hours. People are busy. But we all know you most likely get a mid-day lunch break and or at bare minimum a bathroom break and you are definitely looking at your phone. When you get a text from someone you’re super into, you get excited and want to respond. Being busy in itself is not the issue…the issue is when you’re so unexcited to see a text from your significant other that replying to them is a low priority and takes 10+ hours 🙂