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I refuse to talk about the Super Bowl (although, quick sidebar – fuck Bill Belichick and his ego. Play Malcolm Butler in the fourth quarter, get a stop, hoist a banner. It’s simple). Anyway, not the point of this blog. The point of this blog is to trash on every state’s most Googled Super Bowl recipe.
Super Bowls and food go together like the Patriots and Lombardi trophies. It’s as American as World War victories. And everyone knows it, too. Even the people who hate football come to Super Bowl parties for the killer eats. Every chick under the sun thinks their buffalo chicken dip is THE best (news flash, toots, everyone is using the same damn recipe of shitty pulled chicken, Frank’s, and cream cheese).
So, who was searching for what for Super Bowl LII? Well, the good folks over at Business Insider partnered up with the smart nerds at Google to figure it out.
Per Business Insider:
This Super Bowl Sunday, people across the United States will crowd around the TV, watch the game, and eat snacks.
But Super Bowl spreads vary depending on location.
To get a better picture of Americans’ favorite Super Bowl recipes in each state this year, Business Insider consulted Google. Looking at search data from the past week, Google’s researchers found the most uniquely highly-searched recipe that people in every state (plus Washington DC) Googled with the term “Super Bowl.”
The researchers didn’t seek the most popular dish for every state (that would have been chicken wings and chili in nearly all 50). Instead, they focused on the most distinct, and then found the recipes with the highest search volume for each state.
I’ve organized them by dish, not state.
Chicken (Alabama, Indiana): What the fuckkk is Super Bowl chicken? We grilling? We broiling? We marinating? We slicing and dicing? We frying? It’s not “wings” because other states have wings as their top search, so what the hell is ‘Bama and Indy doing with their damn chicken? Ya boy wants some answers. I need more info here for an accurate ranking. Right now it’s incomplete.
Dill pickle dip with dried beef (Alaska): Remind me never to go to Alaska. Dill pickle dip with dried beef? That sounds like a shitty dish they’d create in the Chopped kitchen. Have to give this a D-. Maybe a few creativity points but there’s no way in this life or the other that this tastes good ans is something I want to be eating while I watch New England fail to make a stop on third down.
Green chicken enchilada (Arizona): Very on-brand for Arizona, being from the Southwest and everything, but I’d feel like they should already know what they’re doing with enchiladas. I like incorporating regional cuisine into your Super Bowl spread. I give it a solid B.
Five-bean chili (Arkansas): Not to be confused with regular chili which shows up in abundance on this list, but five-bean chili. Honestly, I’m not sure I could think of five different kinds of beans. Black, pinto, kidney, garbanzo, and….LL? Five beans in a chili is too many beans. Two, maybe three tops. C-.
Fried rice (California): Bahahahahah. Fried rice for the Super Bowl?! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills. On any given Sunday night? Yeah, absolutely, hook me up with some Asian fried rice. But on one Sunday night a year, in early February? It’s football food only. D+.
Baked chicken wings (Colorado): Leave it to the health conscious Coloradans to bake their wings instead of frying them. I’m on board. #Fitfam. B+.
Buffalo chicken dip (Connecticut, New Jersey, Virginia): Why consult Google? Why not just ask any basic chick ever? You think I’m kidding? Google it right now and find me two different buffalo chicken dip recipes. You can’t. Also, the cool kids call these Lindsey Vonn dips. Get it? Buff chick? C+.
Stuffed peppers (Delaware): NOT a Super Bowl food. Super Bowl food should be finger food, first and foremost. Stuffed peppers? Fuck outta here with that. What is this, the firecracker 400? Who are you trying to impress, Delaware. D.
Shrimp (Florida): Same as with chicken, I’m asking what kind of shrimp are we working with here? Popcorn? Buffalo? Grilled? Lots to do with shrimp. Not saying I don’t hate it. Far from it. Buffalo popcorn shrimp at a Super Bowl party is a game-changer. I just need more info here. Incomplete.
Ham, bologna, and turkey sub (Georgia): I won’t even attempt to humor Georgians with some witty comment about this sandwich. Is there a grade lower than an F? F-.
Nachos (Hawaii): Yup. I knew Hawaii was perfect. Nachos not only the best Super Bowl food, but the best food. Probably my death row last meal. A++++++. Although, wait why you gotta Google a nacho recipe? How you can’t come up with how to make it on your own is bamboozling. Downgrading to an A++.
Potatoes (Idaho, Nevada): What kind of potatoes? Honestly doesn’t matter. There’s no acceptable answer. Potato skins, maybe. Maybe. But Idaho shouldn’t have to Google anything remotely concerning or resembling a potato. And for that, they’re easily gradable. F. for Idaho. Incomplete for Nevada, because I want to know what kind of potatoes they’re making for a fucking Super Bowl party.
Philly cheesesteak (Illinois, Ohio): Normally I’d say this is a solid SB party choice. Finger food, but a sandwich. Strong strong choice. But since this is clear defamation against New England, with Illinois and Ohio outwardly rooting for Philly so much that they needed Philadelphia’s most famous food at their parties, not only will I grad them as an F-, but Illinois and Ohio are at he top of my hit list right now.
Stromboli (Iowa): It’s like a calzone, but it isn’t? It’s like a pizza omelette right? Kind of cool I guess. Seems like a solid finger food for the big game. Just glad Iowa didn’t Google how to make corn. Phew. B-.
Calzone (Kansas): Similar to stromboli, I think it’s a solid move. Little more fun than straight up pizza. Plus, they look like footballs! B-.
Fondue (Kentucky): Leave it to Kentucky to Google search how to melt fucking cheese. Just a horrible Super Bowl food, period. Too messy, got arms flying all over the place, people standing up all the time to get at the big melting pot. Not conducive for watching football. C-.
Pork tenderloin (Louisiana): Honestly I expected something a lot more regional for Louisiana. Like a Super Bowl gumbo or po’boy or something. I’m sure their pork is great! I’m just a little disappointed I guess. C+.
Chicken wings (Maine, New Hampshire): Didn’t the post say chicken wings were a top search overall? So, Maine and New Hampshire just dominated the wing searches, huh? LOVE it. New England represent. Everyone knows wings are on the game day snack Mount Rushmore. Solid. A.
Chili (Maryland, Massachusetts, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, New York, Pennsylvania, Texas, Wisonsin): Chili is synonymous with winter and football. It’s a great choice. It’s fun to slow cook all day, you can have a variety of meats and flavor profiles; it’s phenomenal. Personally, I have a hot and smoky turkey chili that I’ll put up against anyone. But…BUT, if you’ve got this at your Super Bowl party you better be damn sure you have enough finger foods to compliment it. Some people don’t want to sit there with a bowl and spoon. A-.
Green beans with beef broth (Mississippi): *Micah Voice* Trasshhhhh. The fuck is this shit? If I walk into a Super Bowl party and they’re serving green beans in a beef broth? I’m burning the place down. F.
Bacon shrimp (Montana): Love this. Little twist on the bacon wrapped scallop. Realllll strong finger food for the game. Real strong. I have nothing bad to say about the choices being made in Montana. B+.
Cream cheese jalapeno burger (Nebraska): Okay, highly specific, but I’m listening. Sounds like a deconstructed jalapeno popper on a burger. Gluttony at its finest. Very American, just like football. Love it. But, maybe too much of a “meal.” If these were sliders? It’s an A. But, as it stands, solid B+.
Ranch spinach dip (New Mexico): Southern flare to a traditional spinach dip? Not here for it. Would rather a traditional spinach artichoke sitch. But it’s a dip, and it’s really hard for me to shit on dips. B.
Jalapeno poppers (North Carolina, Tennessee, Utah, Washington): Great game day snack. And if they’re homemade? Could be killer. If you can pull them off it’s an MVP move a la pass to Nick Foles. But if you fuck them up? Disaster a la pass to Tom Brady. A-.
Pizza sauce (North Dakota) and marinara sauce (South Dakota): I lumped these together because 1) essentially the same shit 2) why the fuckkkk are these being Googled up in the Dakotas? It’s garbage. Tell me how these factor into your Super Bowl parties. Making your own pizza or calzones or something of the sort? Fine. I respect you making your own homemade sauce. It’s just weak, idk. C-.
French onion cream dip (Oklahoma): GREAT dip. So good and I think it gets forgotten about. Loses out to the guacs and Lindsey Vonn dips of the world, and it shouldn’t. It’s so good. Had some at my SB party. Just a great dip, I’m gushing. Good on you Oklahoma. A.
Clam chowder (Oregon): Heyyyyy now Oregon. Little chowdah in honor of the Patriots?! LOVE LOVE LOVE. Wild move for the Super Bowl, but can’t overlook how pro New England this is. Biased on this but it’s an A.
Baked ziti (Rhode Island): Look, it’s a great dinner, but it belongs nowhere near my Super Bowl party. I’m sorry. I hate giving an awful grade to RI, but, D+.
Crab dip (South Carolina): Yummmm. Great choice, South Cack. Strong choice all around. Better be fucking fresh crab though because if you give me the canned shit, I leave before JT takes the stage. B+.
Chicken breast tenders (Vermont): I’m a bone-in boy, but if you’re trying to fuck with the boneless, I can’t knock you too hard. But if you’re making them from scratch, I need you getting the free range organic breasts for ya boy. B.
Pork carnitas tacos (West Virginia): I actually love the idea of making little mini tacos for a Super Bowl party. I think it’s a really ambitious undertaking, but could be a huge crowd-pleaser. Especially if there’s a little make-your-own taco station, but far away from the TV. A-.
Ground beef (Wyoming): ???? That’s not a recipe, that’s just something you buy from the store. Much like chicken, this is an incomplete.
Pizza bites (DC): Fuck that just go buy Totino’s. C.
What’d you have at your Super Bowl party?.