New year, new Mailbag image. Dave finally snapped and made it happen. Shouts to Intern Peyton for the ‘shop job. Alright now let’s get this Mailbag.
Dillon, I have a mailbag question thats been bugging me for a while. What’s the rule for attempts to set up a second date?
I keep running into this scenario: I’ll go on a date with a girl, which *I* think went well, and afterwards we’ll exchange several texts along the lines of “Had a great time, we should do it again” (drinks and chat, not hookups) and “Yea me too! I’m busy X-day, but I’m free Y-day”. A few days later I’ll follow up and attempt to make plans for the second date. She responds and sometimes we make plans, other times not, but inevitably she’s either busy or cancels the day before.
This is where things usually start to go south, and not the good part of the south where it’s warm in January and the people are nice, the shitty part of the south where all the windows have bars. I’m in my late 20s, I have a career, and I’m a part time grad student, so I understand schedules can change. She always has an excuse that’s realistic, like a previously discussed demanding career, and occasionally she even suggests an(other) alternative day. Previously, I’d try to make plans again but as one can predict, a second date never materialized.
It’s 2017/8 and people ghost each other, if you weren’t feeling the date and don’t feel like acknowledging the rejection, that’s fine, I’ll get the hint if you don’t text me back. What’s the deal here though? Am I missing 2nd dates because I’m not persistent, or is the burden on her? Lately I have the mindset that “there’s no such thing as too busy, it’s all a matter of priorities”, and I won’t bother to follow up if she doesn’t offer a time she’s available.
Thanks for the help.
“A few days later I’ll follow up and attempt to make plans for the second date.”
Man, I really think this is where you’re going wrong. Going a few days without communication before your first date is pretty normal and shouldn’t give the other person much pause, but if you’re letting two or three days pass between texts after date number one, this person has probably written you off in some way. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is wanting you to show a little effort before agreeing to a second date. Just to know you’re still interested enough.
If I don’t text a girl for a few days after a date it’s because I am probably not wanting or expecting a second date with her. Persistence isn’t the word I would use here to describe how you need to be, but if you’re interested in dating this girl, make sure she’s aware of that.
Good luck, king.
Huge fan of your column- you’re the bomb.
So I’ve been dating this guy for about two months. He’s super nice, I’ve never picked up a tab and he opens car doors and all of that. He’s a great guy, but there’s a huge problem.
So we’ve gotten intimate (3rd base) several times and every single time I have gone down south, I can barely make it through because it’s just always smells REALLY bad. He’s a very clean seeming person and is in his late 20s, so I would imagine him having good hygiene.
Do I break it off? Do I tell him his junk smells? Do I just have a relationship with no physical stuff?
In all my time on this earth, I’ve never heard of a guy having smelly junk. Assuming he practices the very base level of personal hygiene — regular showering — this one baffles me. Who the hell has a smelly piece? How does it become smelly?
It’s possible he’s not showering regularly, or maybe he’s not using soap, but what the hell. If he’s not aware of this problem, be a decent person and fill him in. Honestly, he needs to know. He’ll be embarrassed, obviously, but he’ll appreciate you telling him at some point, and it will give him the chance to remedy the situation.
“Do I just have a relationship with no physical stuff?”
Stop with this nonsense.
What’s up Dillon.
I need your advice on this one but it’s a complicated situation to say the least.
So I’m about a year out post grad and am about to attend my first ‘close friends’ wedding. A couple I went to high school with but that’s not what I need some advice about.
The girl I’m taking is an old friend I grew up with (and, not to mention, the MOH) and even after graduating high school and attending rival colleges we still kept in touch frequently (hung out during holiday breaks, FaceTime, text, etc). I like this girl, a lot, I always have but I’ve always valued her friendship over trying to make her mine plus I was in college and she didn’t go to my school and I’m not about that long distance nonsense.
But now that we’re both postgrad we talk more than ever. Heavy flirting, drunk nudes from time to time, late night phone calls, etc you know the drill. I think she sees me as more than a friend but I’m not sure. I think this wedding could be a proving ground but with her being the MOH and her ex being a groomsman and an old friend of mine (we played football together in high school) I’m not so sure this wedding is the place to make a serious move.
Also I don’t know if this changes anything but she asked me to be her date. Any advice I could get on the subject would be great.
This really isn’t a complicated situation at all.
Heavy flirting ✓
The occasional nude ✓
Late night phone calls ✓
She asked you to be her wedding date ✓
And you’re still not sure if she wants to be more than your friend? What’s the matter with you, man? I hate to use the word “bitch” but you’re kind of being a little bitch here, you little bitch, and this is coming from a guy who isn’t the super assertive type in situations like this.
We’re shooting our shots in 2018, people. It’s the year of seized opportunity and no shots left un-shot. This goes for all of you. If you like someone, “a lot,” and they are giving you all the signs that they like you, too, you are firing it up from anywhere on the floor. At a wedding, at a dinner party, at the club, at Bingo, or at your grandmother’s funeral. Catch and shoot. Get buckets.
I’m in need of some advice on a pretty simple question. I haven’t been on a first date in a long time and already know I’m overthinking the fuck out of this one.
On a first date (dinner), do you still pull out your lady’s chair for her to sit down or is that totally weird? I’m inclined to say yes because chivalry but I’m completely stumped. Getting the door for her is an obvious yes but this is different. It could be totally awkward. After all, it’s not 1950 anymore but I feel like it’s a pretty slick move and an overall nice gesture. Please impart some wisdom.
For me, pulling out your date’s chair falls under the “not all that necessary but she might appreciate the extra effort but also maybe you’d be doing too much and come off as trying too hard to impress her” category.
I don’t do it. I also don’t stand up as she gets up from and re-approaches the table*. I think those are in the same category, and, like you said, pretty old school gestures. Do it if you think she’s the type to appreciate it, but stay cool and don’t worry about it.
Note on this: I do lean forward and push my ass off the chair a couple inches, appearing to be late to notice her approaching the table, thus excusing my not standing up entirely. It gives off a “I know how to be a gentleman, but standing all the way up is a bit much” vibe..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.