“We’re always looking for new talent, submit your resume and we’ll get back to you.” No you aren’t and no you won’t. PGP.

The fuck is a Shmoney Dance? PGP.

I have been working here for five months now. Only yesterday was I informed that our building has a free 24 hour gym that’s nicer than the one I’ve been paying for. PGP.

I’m on a first name basis with the Chinese delivery guy, but none of my neighbors. PGP.

The only thing I have in common with the other women in my office is our love of Crockpots. PGP.

Papa John’s Rewards points serve as currency in my house. PGP.

Sometimes I make my bed for the sole purpose of feeling like I have my life together. PGP.

Wishing I lived in the ’70s so my chest hair and pattern balding would be more socially acceptable. PGP.

Beginning all online shopping sprees by clicking the ‘sort price: low to high’ option. PGP.