Your upbeat Friday vibes lasting about 20 minutes into the day before you remember how much this sucks. PGP.

Living in constant fear of my mute button malfunctioning

Dancing like Drake in Hotline Bling. PGP.

I can’t stand those college kids. PGP.

My condoms expired.

“I should probably stretch first”. PGP.

Maybe I should go back to school for a master’s. PGP

My tobacco consumption has quadrupled during unemployment. PGP

Sometimes when I get drunk I check my credit score. PGP

I didn’t have time to take a nap before I went out. PGP.