I have managed my company’s NFL tickets for three years. I am yet to go to a game. PGP.

Shamelessly “nice work”ing all my comments. PGP.

Not going to grad school because I just spent 17 fucking years in school. PGP.

The combined record of my college team, my pro team, and my two fantasy football teams: 1-12. PGP.

We had a fire drill today. I had many emotions, but the one that won out was apathy. PGP.

My best friend just bought a house. I just bought a Cheesy Gordita Crunch with change. PGP.

My parents still ask about my high school girlfriend who is married. PGP.

Coming in on the weekends so you can “play catch up.” PGP.

They forgot to up-charge me for guac today. I feel like I just won the lottery. PGP.

Going on a “day date” at the zoo instead of tailgating. PGP.