Giancarlo Stanton now makes 893 times my current salary. PGP.

Putting more effort and creativity into PGP submissions than my actual work. PGP.

My “Rainy Day Fund” is an uncashed scratch-off lottery ticket. PGP.

Talking about corporate the way I used to talk about Nationals in college. PGP.

Cashier asked me if I was buying 10 cans of soup for a food drive. I wasn’t. PGP.

Waking up to snow and hoping for the elusive “closed” email from work, only to be disappointed. Again. PGP.

My boss demanded that I have a project on his desk by 7:30 this morning, so I got here hours early to finish it. He just emailed us saying he’s taking the day off. PGP.

Is queso a food group? PGP.

Mandatory webinar at 6 p.m. PGP.

Being the guy who brought the dish no one eats at a work potluck. PGP.