At this point, I’d rather have Lloyd’s job under Ari Gold. PGP.

“So no one told you life was gonna be this way. Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A. It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear. When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.” PGP.

My roommates (parents) threw out my cigarettes. PGP.

There’s a guy having an incredibly audible conversation with his wife in a bathroom stall while the guy in the stall next to him is just destroying the toilet. PGP.

Spending the last half hour at work deciding what fast food you’re grabbing on the way home. PGP.

Your couch and coffee table doubling as your dinner table and “home office.” PGP.

When you’re so bored that you actually start doing some work. PGP.

Does my pee smell like coffee, or does the coffee smell like pee? PGP.

The only time I ever wash my hands after going to the bathroom is when someone else is there. Even then, I pull a Costanza and just run some water. PGP.