Moses having a 40-year dry streak. PGP.

Can’t wait to sell out. Maybe I already have. PGP.

“I’m a little upset about a bad sexual episode last night.” -Fletcher Reed. PGP.

“What?” email replies. PGP.

Dropped 20 pounds in the last year. Planned a shirtless costume to get babes. It’s 45 degrees right now and supposed to get colder tonight. PGP.

“Doesn’t matter, had sex” is my new life motto. PGP.

What do I have to do to get fired? I’m out here tryna get a severance. PGP.

“This Friday is Hawaiian shirt day” used to be a cruel joke. Now, it’s the best thing I hear all week. PGP.

I’m undefeated in my non-money “fun” fantasy league. I’m 2-4 in all three of my three money leagues. PGP.

My little brother just graduated law school in the top five percent of his class. My dog got kicked out of obedience school. PGP.