1: “Hey, happy birthday, man.” 2: “Please don’t tell anyone.”

I’m taking Good Friday off even though I haven’t been to church since Christmas. I’m going to hell. PGP.

I go to the office gym twice a day…because my secret poop place is in the men’s locker room. PGP.

I have to fart so bad. PGP.

I told one coworker about the secret bathroom that I use for number two. Now everyone in the office uses it. It was the only place in the office that made me happy. PGP.