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Todd sat in bed on Saturday morning with a cup of coffee on his bedside table. Scrolling his iPad with the television on mute, she sat next to him on her phone, double-tapping lifestyle photos and checking to see if any of the photos that were taken the night before were worthy of making the leap from Instagram Story to Instagram post.
Given the conversation that just transpired, the tension was palpable. Todd considered trying to further the conversation with some explanation or condolence but the point had already been made. With her fingers rapidly texting, he knew what it was about.
And when her phone rang, he knew exactly who it was.
“Oh, hey, what’s up?”
[Caroline talking.]
“Uhhhhh, right? It’s whatever at this point.”
[Caroline talking.]
“I meannnnn, yeah, I would actually totally be down for that.”
[Caroline talking.]
“O-M-G, love that idea.”
[Caroline talking.]
“I mean, I think that if we went, too… it might be weird. Like, even if we were in the grandstand and they were in the infield, it would still be all like, ‘why aren’t we hanging out?’, you know?”
[Caroline talking.]
“TBH, I’ve always wanted to go, but a yoga retreat would obvs be more chill.”
[Caroline talking.]
“Oh, I’ve done mooooooore than enough research to be able to plan one.”
[Caroline talking.]
“What did John say when he told you they were going to Derby?”
[Caroline talking.]
“Wait, are you serious? You literally found out when I texted you about it?”
[Caroline talking.]
*Todd grabs his phone off the bedside table only to see a text from John reading, “Dude, what the fuck. I thought you were going to tell me when you broke the news.”*
“Like, do I think it’s weird that they’re not inviting us? Uh, yeah. Have I always wanted to go to Derby? Duh, like, imagine the Instas of us in our hats. Do I want to go anymore? Not really, like, at all.”
[Caroline talking.]
“OMG, what are you going to make him do for you since he wasn’t the one to tell you?”
[Caroline talking.]
“Yeah, you’ll love those leggings. I just got them last week when I was interviewing there and they fit perfs.”
[Caroline talking.]
“Ugh, yeah, I thought it was time mama gets a little money in her pocket. I’ve been so poor lately.”
[Caroline talking.]
“I mean, it’s part-time so I can obvs just not work if we do a yoga retreat. Like, honestly, they should pay me to go and Insta story the whole thing.”
[Caroline talking.]
“I have, like, fifty retreats bookmarked on my laptop that I can forward to everyone. You know Katie will be down especially considering she just started her yoga journey Instagram account.”
[Caroline talking.]
“Hahahaha, right? Be more basic, Katie.”
[Caroline talking.]
“IDK, last time I checked, it wasn’t all that expensive. I bet we could do the whole thing for under $1,200 including flights. I have, like, hella miles that I need to use.”
[Caroline talking.]
“Of course we do it the same weekend as they go to Derby. If you think I’m going to sit around here feeling sorry for myself while he smokes cigars and wastes money, you’re psycho.”
[Caroline talking.]
“I know, you’re right, doing yoga all weekend will definitely be better than us sitting here resenting them.”
[Caroline talking.]
“Hahahaha, I mean, if the yoga journey falls through, we could always do Vegas but I’m so over Vegas it’s not even funny.”
[Caroline talking.]
“Okay, okay, yeah, let’s just do it. I’ll send an email this weekend to everyone and see who wants to come with us. Who should I ask?”
[Caroline talking.]
“Ughhhhh, I don’t want her to come but, like, I get it. It would be weird if we didn’t ask her.”
[Caroline talking.]
“B-T-dubs, what are you doing tonight, again?”
[Caroline talking.]
“Oh, yeah, I totally forgot about that. Well, let us know if you want to get drinks after. I made a rezzie at Chop that we may or may not use.”
[Caroline talking.]
“Okay, love you too, bitch.”
Upon hanging up the phone, Todd looked to her side of the bed.
“What?” she asked sarcastically, knowing exactly what he was thinking. “Love you, mean it.” .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
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will@grandex.co
Girl is supplying Todd with FAKE NEWS report on yoga trip via UNACCEPTABLE phone conversation. Intelligence HACKS confirm girl is a “COMPLETE FRAUD” and plans to attend Derby without Todd’s knowledge. Sad!
.@CNN aka the totally BIASED Clinton News Network is now spreading major LEAKS that Claire will be at Derby this year! Girl plans to pull BIG league move of confronting the two. BAD!
Is Will running this account to provide previews for the next TGDAG…? One can only hope.
You’ll never touch my rating. Just like washed-up Arnold. Sad!
via Twitter for Android
I look forward to this comment every week now. Keep doing you, Donny
Todd is so beta he could be Will.
Okay, I’m just gonna say it: Todd sucks. He totally left John out to dry on this one and I never see him taking hits for his friends. Did he even have friends before he met the Girl? Because the only people he hangs out with are her friends’ boyfriends. He and Girl deserve each other, I hope they do end up in a trainwreck of a two and a half year marriage. At this point I’m just hoping that we find out Claire and Spencer are an item together at the Derby #TeamClaire
So is this series going anywhere anymore….
Yes, to the Derby.
And then from there back into the same circular pattern
Yes, it’s very realistic
Yup, they’re going to show up at the Derby.
TGDAG: Ruin the Boys Trip
Dude you’re not freaking kidding there. It’s like a sick hobby or something.
TGDAG: Catch boyfriend cheating
‘while he wastes money’ lol
I liked that as much as the assumption that the girls would be in the grandstands while the guys are in the infield.
“Duh, like, imagine the Instas of us in our hats.” The sad realization of a female’s sole desire to do things – just for the beloved Instagram post.
Girl calling Katie basic… pot, meet kettle.
Holy shit, I hate people.
I’ll be a bit more accurate: I hate these people.
Girls life while being poor looks pretty doable.