Things Girls Do After Graduation: ClassPass

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Things Girls Do After Graduation: ClassPass

The following is a text conversation that occurred with Caroline during a slow day at work.

Girl: Did you see Equinox raised their prices again?????

Caroline: Ughhhhhhh. Are you serious? Like I know you can’t put a price on health but that’s just ridiculous.

Girl: I can’t afford spending over $100 a month on the gym, more than that on supplements, $150 on Kombuchas, and then whatever the hell I spend on Whole 30.

Caroline: What do we dooooooo?

Girl: idk, but all I do know is that I have way too many weddings and bachelorette parties this year to have flabby arms.

Caroline: Uh, tell me about it. Have you seen Sarah’s photos lately? She’s like so ano and I’m like so jelly.

Girl: She needs to eat a cheeseburger but also she doesn’t because she looks phenom.

Caroline: She insta’d from a pure barre class last weekend with a bunch of other skinny bitches.

Girl: I saw that! I’ve been so bad about barre lately…

Caroline: Are you still a certified instructor?

Girl: Yeah, but like, they might as well take it away from me because I completely stopped teaching classes when wedding season started last year.

Caroline: Okay, I saw this is on groupon… do we just start doing that Classpass thing?

Girl: I saw that too! How much was it again?

Caroline: $79 a month, which is like, affordable af.

Girl: I mean, it’s pretty much free. But does it only include weird classes?

Caroline: Idk but I don’t think so. I saw you can do that city surf class we’ve always wanted to try, and pure barre, spin class…

Girl: Like… what more do you even need? Seriously. If I did all that, I’d be hella toned.

Caroline: Okay. I’m on their website rn. We can cancel whenevs and it says, “Every month, you can take a variety of classes and visit the same studio up to 3x a month, depending on your plan. Find what works for you and set your own schedule.”

Girl: Uh, can you say perfect? We can do it until June when our actual lives start again and we don’t have to sit inside all day.

Caroline: Their insta has so much #fit inspo that it makes me want to puke. I love it.

Girl: Omg, are we totally going to turn into those girls who hashtag #BecauseICan with our photos of our Nike Flyknits and lulu bags?


Girl: Okay, yeah, we’re totally already those girls aren’t we

Caroline: Hahahahahaahahaaha

Girl: Hahahahahaha

Caroline: I was going to say… look at your post from three weeks ago. You got like a million likes.

Girl: *Hair Flip Emoji* x 5

Caroline: Okay, I think I’m totally going to do this.

Girl: Samesies. Can we do the surf thingy this weekend? I’m scared of squatting but I want my ass to be, like, so VS Angel level.

Caroline: Totes, I’m looking now and they have two spots open on Sunday at 8 am…

Girl: Don’t we have that engagement party for Taylor the night before…?

Caroline: Ugh, yes. Should we wait until monday?

Girl: lol, we’re sooooo baddddd.

Caroline: I know… let’s just do that. It can be our last hurrah before we’re officially #fitchicks.

Girl: Let’s totes go shopping for some new clothes after brunch on Sunday though. If I buy a bunch of new stuff, I’ll totally feel obligated to work out more.

Caroline: Athleta? Lulu?

Girl: …both? *Monkey Covering Mouth Emoji*

Caroline: Hahahahaha you read my mind.

Girl: Hahahaha Todd is going to kill me. This is def not in the budget he helped me with.

Caroline: Umm he’ll be thanking you when you’re walking down the aisle looking so hot and skinny.

Girl: Right?? Like, you can’t be a fat trophy wife. That’s not how it works.

Caroline: Omgggg are we the worst?

Girl: Sorry not sorry.

Image via Instagram

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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