Things Girls Do After Graduation: Car Shopping

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Things Girls Do After Graduation: Car Shopping

“Todd, I’m not buying a used car. You don’t know what’s happened on those seats, and I’m not going to just drive around the city in someone’s used piece of garbage that they threw to the side.”

Todd took a moment to gain his composure as they sat on her laptop looking at dealerships about forty minutes outside the city.

“I don’t think you understand,” he began. “There’s barely a difference between this 2015 Range Rover at this used lot and the 2016 Range Rover at the dealership.”

Todd wanted to explain even further that neither of the Range Rovers were much of an upgrade from her 2014 Range Rover, but ever since Caroline expressed interest in buying a new car, she had no option but to do the same.

“I don’t care. This is the one I want,” she explained.

Todd sat on his phone attempting to find a better deal on Range Rovers out of state, but quickly realized that stepping in front of the moving train would do him no good.

“They don’t even have any 2015 models available with the saddle leather,” she continued while pulling up photos on her phone of the white 2016 body with the saddle leather interior, explaining how one shouldn’t even buy a Range Rover if they’re just going to buy it with the stock black leather seats.

“Okay, okay, fine, what did your dad say your actual budget was for this?” Todd asked, worried that even that question would cause her to raise and eyebrow.

“He told me that as long as I turn in my car and don’t go wild, he’ll pay, like, whatever.”

Todd questioned why there wasn’t a solid number attached, but then he also wondered why he would bother fighting her getting a new car over a used car when it didn’t hurt or benefit financially in any way, shape, or form.

“Todd, I know you’re annoyed, but I don’t understand why you’re all over me about this. I need a new car. You’ve tried to convince me to get a more economical car for the city, but I’m not buying a fucking sedan. Where will I put my yoga mat? Where will I put Sperry’s cage? Where will I put my bags from Whole Foods? And furthermore, the fact that you even think it’s unnecessary for me to have a car is beyond insulting. It’s like, yes, I know parking at my apartment building is $250 per month. And I know I only use it about once a month, max. But you know what? It’s convenient for me to have one. How else am I supposed to get home for Easter? Thanksgiving? Christmas? I can’t just Uber to my parent’s house. I can’t just fucking walk everywhere.

And who are you to even talk, Mr. ‘I drive the same Tahoe my parents gave me in college?’ Is it ‘economical’ for you to drive around with your golf clubs and skis in the back of your car at all times, Mr. ‘Look at me, I do sports’? Yeah, I didn’t think so. And if you think I’m going to just call you any time I need to go grocery shopping or to the mall or to a workout class, you’re crazy. This isn’t The Todd Show. Oh, no, no. Right here, right now, we are driving my car to the dealership where I’m going to turn it in for a white 2016 Range Rover with saddle leather, heated seats, a sunroof, and maybe even XM radio just because I know you think it’s a stupid expense to have when I already pay for Spotify and Apple Music. How do you feel about that, Todd?”

“Okay,” Todd said with his hand on his forehead. “Let’s just go get this stupid car.”

Image via Shutterstock

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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