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Kirsten “Murph” Murphy
Company: Pfizer
Relationship: Your best girl friend
Job: Sales Representative
Position: Shortstop
Relationship status: Single
Age: 24
Height: 5 foot 6
Weight: 140 pounds
Pros:
• She played four years of softball at Tennessee.
• She’s crazy athletic.
• Hot. Crossfit freak.
• You once saw her beat Stevesie in an arm wrestling match when he was blacked out.
Cons:
• Well, she hates softball now, so it’ll take some convincing.
• She doesn’t want to be the only girl on the team. She wants her friend Katie to play on the team. Katie sucks.
Projected: Second pick
Outlook: It’s a good idea to have a sit down with Murph. Get her drunk and talk her into signing up. It’ll set you back a few bucks on the bar tab, but it’ll be worth it to watch her tear the cover off the ball all summer.
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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brianmcgannon
Amazing read as always, McGannon. I don’t know anything about the lady weights, but let me just say it sounds like you’re going to have the most fit team in your beer league. Your catcher is out of shape, but only weighs 240 pounds?
As one of the more outta shape guys on my baseball team this summer, one guy is only 6’1″ and pushing 270. Does this make him obese? ….Asking for a friend.
Murph can play on my team anytime.
You know how those Pfizer reps get down.
Besides, you know the friend that sucks will always be hot.
Dibs on the guy in the Cubs hat and jorts
Man, 31 is considered old as fuck, now? Damn.
I love you. I mean that.
The mock drafts are probably the funniest articles on here or TFM, more of these please.
Masterful work, McGannon. Well played sir.
I’m sorry, there’s no way a girl is playing shortstop for my team. Even if she did play in college, it’s just not right.
Grow up, Peter Pan. Talent Talks, Bullshit Walks. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. (I have run out of cliches, but you’re an asshole and I don’t like you.)
Noted. Appreciate the life advice.