No One Cares About Your Spiritual Awakening

No One Cares About Your Spiritual Awakening

There are definitely levels to “free-spiritedness,” as obnoxious of a term as that might be. I consider myself to be pretty damn free. Although I haven’t given up all of my material possessions and hitchhiked across the country, I pretty much do what the hell I want. I choose to keep a job because I like nice things, and I simply can’t drink bottom-shelf booze. Sure, I’m sacrificing a lot of my time at a job, but that is exactly what enables me to travel, have a place to live, and not really worry about whether or not I have enough to survive on a daily basis. That’s a sacrifice I’m comfortable making, and I don’t feel like I’m selling my soul at all, which is actually pretty important to me. Of course, choosing whether or not to sell your soul is only a decision you can make if you’ve had a bit of luck, which I acknowledge.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way… If you’re deciding to embark on a journey to acquire knowledge, and save the planet, and talk to aliens, have fun, but SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LEAVE ME THE HELL OUT OF IT. I’m not sure if these jackasses have always been there, and social media just makes them more visible now, or if it’s a new trend of obnoxiousness, but you have to have seen these people. All they talk about not caring about having money, and only eating things that don’t cast a shadow.

If you can feel happy and secure living like that, more power to you. I happen to prefer having my own shit, and eating things that are delicious. That’s my business. I don’t concern myself with other people’s decisions to swear off western medicine, and I’d appreciate it if you could not concern yourself with my decision to binge on Doritos and wine. Life can be stressful for everyone, and coming home on a Friday evening to snack on some fucking nuts and sprouts just isn’t going to make me feel any better.

I kid you not, I was recently hanging with a friend who’s now into all this earthy, non-bathing shit, and I suggested tacos. “I know you’re not eating meat anymore, but they have tofu at this place, and they’re really good!” Look how thoughtful I am! Friend of the year material, in my opinion. This fucker had the goddamn nerve to respond with, “No, thanks. I don’t know how you can eat meat. You’re literally eating death.” Bitch, six months ago we were eating burgers and pepperoni pizza together! And how dare you turn down an offer for me to treat you to fucking tacos! TOFU FUCKING TACOS!!!! You might as well spit in my fucking face.

Half of these idiots don’t even know what the hell they’re talking about. They’ll claim to only eat and drink organic, but fail to read the ingredients on the bottle of seemingly healthy juice, where the second ingredient is high fructose corn syrup (preceded by water, of course). There are also the ones who claim to be so much healthier than the rest of us, due to their new diet and meditation regimen, and swear that by using crystals and rocks and shit, that they don’t need medications. I promise you, those crystals won’t cure the burning sensation you get in your pants after you have unprotected sex (because the rubber in condoms is toxic).

I think a lot of it simply comes back to practicing what you preach, and being realistic. If you think that your life is more meaningful by eating grass from my backyard, and bathing in rain puddles, be my guest. My douchebaggy explanation is that a lot of these people are unhappy with their lives and think that by being condescending know-it-alls, they increase their own worth. They’re wrong though, because all they really do is annoy me. But again, I’m a douchebag, so.

Image via Unsplash

Email this to a friend


It's a weird life, but it's where I'm at right now.

10 Comments You must log in to comment, or create an account
Show Comments

For More Photos and Content

Latest podcasts

Download Our App

Take PGP with you. Get

New Stories

Load More