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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Dillon,
Appreciate what you do! Long time reader first time writer. Just a quick question, thought you or my fellow readers could help me out. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about 2 years now and together for a bit longer and I’m looking to propose. My question though, what the hell do I spend on an engagement ring? Anything helps. Thanks boss. Cheers.
Maybe you’ve heard the three months of salary rule, which is one of the greatest successful schemes ever created by women that some schmucks actually abide by. Three months of salary! A quarter of your annual salary! Let’s assume this applies to a salary after taxes. That means a guy making a modest 50k a year, who keeps about 38 of that after Uncle Sam and your state government gets their cut, would be spending $9,500 on an engagement ring.
That’s nonsense. Can we kill this bullshit “rule” once and for all? Sucking good men dry.
Look, an engagement ring is a symbolic gesture above all else — it’s meaningful — and don’t let anyone tell you differently. It shouldn’t be a contest of dollars spent and carat size. Save up enough to buy her a ring she’ll be proud to show off, but not so much that you’ll be eating bread sandwiches for the next two years. Percentage of your annual salary isn’t a bad starting point, but 25% is outrageous. It should be more like 10%.
dillon,
need your help. i met a girl at a party (disclaimer yes i am still in school) and we hit it off and it led to us making out and me getting her phone number. this was about three months ago and we have been talking ever since and it has gottan to the point where we will facetime instead of texting. the problem is this girl is a little sister of someone in my fraternity, i did not know this when i met her at the party but found of the next day at chapter when it was announced that the girl i had kissed was a brother’s sister. he was not mad that i had kissed her just that the whole fraternity found out. he does not know that his sister and i are talking but she says that he would not be too happy about it and probably would want to knock me out. her and i have talked about the situation and we do not know what to do. so this is why i come to you, how should i proceed? this girl is great and don’t really want it to be over.
thanks, hope you and the homie had a great holiday weekend
So you kissed her three months ago and have been talking ever since. Okay but are you still seeing her? Like in person? Is sex happening? Are you a couple? Is she preggers? I need to know what else is happening here.
This matters because you’re going to have to have a sit-down conversation with him and get him on your side, and he’s going to want to know how serious it’s already gotten. I’ve seen this situation play out just fine a few times before but I imagine some one-on-one “look, I have good intentions and really respect her” conversations have preceded all of them.
Talk to him. The sooner, the better.
Hey Dillon, huge fan! Hope you can give me some advice.
Freshman year i essentially met the man of my dreams. We became friends and started casually hooking up and the sex was phenomenal for me, but even more so for him. He made it very clear that he wasn’t looking for a relationship so i pretty much agreed to let him use me for sex. He made a point to only hit me up once a month or so (even though he wasn’t getting laid in between our hookups) because he thought if we saw each other too frequently we would catch feelings.
I love sex and didn’t want to catch feelings for him, so i would hookup with other people in the meantime. Even though he would acknowledge this as fair, he would get really mad and refuse to speak to me for a few months. This was really hard because we share all of the same friends and I chill in his frat house almost every day. Eventually he realizes that it’s ridiculous for us to not be friends, so he’ll hit me up again, and our relationship has been cycling like this for years. This fall he decided to talk to me again, acknowledging that “we clearly have an emotional connection” but he made a point to say that our friendship should take priority over our sex life, so if the sex interferes with our friendship we should stop (“sex first, hookups second”). I was SO thrilled to have him back in my life with this added security that if sleeping together made our friendship too complicated, we would stop. Things were going great — we were frequently hanging out as friends and occasionally hitting each other up for sex. I wasn’t seeing any other guys but i know he was sleeping with other girls, which i told him was fine! suddenly he’s really angry at me again but won’t really tell me why. I feel like I’m always looking for ways to make him happy while he’s constantly finding reasons to be mad at me. When i ask to explain what I’ve done wrong, he tells me to leave him alone.
He and i and all of our friends know we have unreal chemistry, and we always have so much fun together. I’m offering him terrific sex whenever he wants it, no strings attached, and I’ve never even suggested being exclusive. Isn’t this every mans dream? Yet he always finds a reason to get angry with me and then we don’t talk for weeks/months. I know i should probably try to end this cycle, but even the small amounts of time we spend together when he isn’t mad at me makes the waiting seem worth it. I go to a pretty small school and there are no other guys I’m interested in pursuing—he’s the only guy i want to hook up with so i might as well wait him out, right?
I’m a very reasonable person, but does my situation make me seem pathetic? Can you give me any potential explanations for why he chooses to have sex with no one over having sex with me, even though i know I’m the best sex he’s had?
Note: Some of these questions are getting too lengthy. Please try to be more concise. If I can’t tell which direction your question is going after 100 words, it’s pacing too long.
Yo this dude has legit feelings for you. He might not want to make it official so that he holds the option to pursue anyone else who comes along, but make no mistake about it, he really likes you. There’s no other sensical reason for him getting salty and disappearing on you every now and then.
It seems like you reciprocate all that, too. The chemistry, the caring, the great sex you mentioned 27 times — it’s all the makings of a relationship. So why don’t you two just cut the bullshit and date each other?
“I’m offering him terrific sex whenever he wants it, no strings attached, and I’ve never even suggested being exclusive. Isn’t this every mans dream?”
It’s not every man’s dream. Not with everyone who comes along, anyway. Maybe this dude wants to hear the E-word from you. Just throwing it out there.
Dillon,
Hey Dillon love the advice! This is a 2 part question here. So I hooked up with a girl after a party and we kept talking after that. We both agreed we like each other and wanted to try something a little more serious and started dating after a while. Things have been going okay, but she always snapchats a dude she would sleep with a lot but never date. Should this be something I should worry about or am I being jealous already in a relationship? My second question is even though we’ve been together a few weeks is she gonna expect something for Christmas? If so what kind of gift would she expect and I should get?
Thank you!!
Yeah, you should probably worry about that. He was getting regular sex from her, then you came along and put an end to it, but they’re still in constant communication. Why? I’m not saying she’s still sleeping with this guy that she obviously has a physical connection with, but clearly he still has some of her attention. Again: WHY?
Yes, you need to get her a Christmas gift. The amount you spend/the level of meaningfulness should align with the length of your relationship. A month and a half means you should spend probably $40-$50 on her, and don’t make it too sentimental. No jewelry and no puppy for crying out loud.
Dorn,
I recently started a job where I’ll be going to networking events a few evenings a week. On top of that, our CEO likes to pull out wine and liquor on Friday afternoons for us to unwind and socialize. Long story short, my evening workouts have been completely derailed the last couple weeks. Any routines or helpful advice to get started on morning workouts? Appreciate it.
When I started getting in shape back in 2012, I was strictly a morning gym guy. I now do either morning or after work, depending on my schedule with The Homie. At first, it was really tough to wake up be active at 6 a.m.
I started taking pre-workout (C4) and I would pound it at the house and get in my car and head to the gym. I was wired before I even left the driveway. That shit really works. It makes you energetic and in the mood to push heavy shit around. HOWEVER, I think that shit is pretty awful for you. Like you can feel your heart beating in your eyeballs. And it makes my ears itch? It also makes you shit out everything in your system. It’s just not good stuff, and our dear friend Liv Langdon, Onnit Nutritionist and generally in-shape person, agrees.
She was a guest on Touching Base and convinced me to throw my C4 away and replace it with cold brew coffee. It doesn’t make you feel Hulk-esque like you’ll get from a pre-workout powder, but it gets you wired and ready to tackle weights. Also much better for you.
But more than that, you have to get out of bed and drag your ass to the gym enough times until it becomes a lifestyle. That’s such a lame thing to say, I get it, but it’s so so true. Getting up and driving to the gym to put work in has become second nature to me, wheres it was brutal at first. I feel unfulfilled if I skip it now.
You can’t be getting too drunk the night before, though, or you’ll never make it there. Control your alcohol intake..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
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RogerJDorn
Can TFM/TSM create a mailbag so we don’t have to read about children’s problems? Go enjoy college and stop stressing about this dumb shit, literally none of it will matter after you graduate.
^^^RT^^^ #GetUndergradsOffPGP
It’s not so bad when they write in asking questions about what to expect or worry about once they worry about. The relationship questions though just make me cringe.
To the long winded girl, move on or learn how to communicate. Pretty sure y’all just have great sex and the chemistry stops there. He sounds like a 5 year old being a brat when someone else plays with his toys.
Oh relax
Have you been to TFM/TSM lately? there is a reason they are all coming here.
Hell yes. Also, you have to capitalize “i” when referring to yourself. Don’t they teach this in like, second grade?
They probably the iPhone glitch still.
But the post grad people don’t?
Literally came here to say this. I mean geez kids, you probably won’t even remember these people’s names in 7 years. No one cares about your “problems.”
Yeah kids, you’re probably going to be alone and bored a lot anyway so take the next 45 years to work your ass off to move from cubicle to cubicle like some psychotic musical chairs torture routine, sacrifice paying your electricity bill to go get drunk at a depressing townie bar to drown out the real problems, then hope you still have health insurance when you reach the time that you actually need to use it for a liver transplant, and then hope that those Uranium mining and streaming company investments that you heard about from that absurd asshole in the PGP comment section makes you rich right before WWIII and the nuclear winter happens but then again you won’t even be able to use that money since it will be worthless in value lol
In response to the third question: seems like you need to reassess how you think about sex. Sex shouldn’t be something women “give” to men as some kind of reward or something men “use” women for. It’s an activity you’re undertaking together and you both get something out of it.
Also, if you mention multiple times the fact that you’re the best at sex, I’m going to assume you suck at sex.
Nick I constantly mention to women im terrible at sex. Then they assume I’m great at it and we have sex.
Works 100% of the time. I don’t question it. And no, I’m not a liar. Shame for them.
I’m also tired of the thinking that every man’s dream is to just have unattached sex; there are men on this planet that want meaningful relationships with women
I agree with you @missjackson. The girl is not valuing herself or what she brings at the same level and is leading to this dude pulling the same tantrums over and over again.Some people you cut out of your life regardless of their redeeming qualities and for the love of God don’t fall into the trap of believing you can “fix” or “change” him. Find someone who is equally as good in the sack or communicate what it is that makes you go next level with a guy who you might be able to have a healthy relationship or FWB with.
What’s with all of these kids sending in their college dilemmas?
If he keeps answering them they’re going to keep sending them in unfortunately
Email #2 sounds like a dilemma my buddy and I had in the 8th grade. Just be an adult and talk to your friend, good lord.
Do colleges even teach kids how to write or use punctuation and capitalization anymore? That second letter was a doozy on that front.
That is high school level stuff.
To the first guy – avoid retail jewelers at all cost and instead find yourself a good diamond wholesaler in your area. The engagement ring and wedding band I got both appraised for double what I paid because I skipped the retail markup (and sales tax).
Also, find out if she likes alternatives to diamonds. You can get a much “nicer” ring with a unique stone than a tiny diamond.
I went to a local jeweler and it was literally 1/2 the price as the large retail chains (cough cough Jared) for a better quality and larger diamond. I’ve been out of the game for a while but a 1 carat is good benchmark for size based on your budget question.
You can also avoid sales tax by shipping it to a state without sales tax. I’m in pa and shipped to wv. Saved a couple bucks.
You may need to talk to your gf about this but get her thoughts on lab diamonds. They are 100% diamonds down to the chemical make up, the only way to tell it isn’t natural is because it is so perfect. Without being as expensive (as they aren’t apart of the diamond monopoly), and I like the fact that as humans we can do something it takes the earth millions of years to do. They are still pricey but a whole hell of a lot better than anything else.
My guy just shipped an empty box out of state to my sister and gave me the ring to take home. Probably saved me $1k in taxes.
This is the move to make. Once my jeweler let me in on this loophole, had to take advantage.
Just an FYI- jewelry is often over-valued by jewelers at appraisal for insurance purposes. If the insurance is through the jewelry store they want you to pay higher premiums, if insured separately the jeweler might be after a potential larger insurance payout. Or the Jewler might be honest, up for you to decide, Id just be weary of a 100% difference between actual cost and appraisal value.
If you’re worried about how much you’re future wife’s engagement ring appraises for, you’re both doing it wrong.
I had a completely different reaction for the girl with the long winded letter. This guy straight up told her he doesn’t want a relationship. How does that turn into having real feelings for her? Mixed signals = mixed feelings; this doesn’t seem like someone she should try to date. I say cut your losses and move on, unless you can make peace with the status quo.
I agree with Dillion that he wants a relationship with her. Otherwise he wouldn’t be getting this worked up about her getting with someone else. I disagree that this is the guy she should date. Sounds like this relationship would end up with him being super possessive and it wouldn’t go well.
I’m not certain he wants a relationship. I think guys are just more clingy/possessive with girls they have or currently are hooking up with than we let others believe. I think it’s a pride thing more than him wanting to date her
Undergrad people COMMUNICATE talk to one another like humans do and it’ll work out maybe not how’d you like it but that’s life. First guy don’t go breaking the bank 1.5 paychecks is fine assuming you get paid bi-weekly.
For the morning gym guy, I recently switched to being a 6 am gym guy and I love it. It’s a great way to start the day and then it’s done and you don’t have to worry about it. Personally I set two alarms one at 5:30 and one at 5:50 it takes me less than 15 min to get to the gym. The two alarms helps get over the initial wake up shock since you can sleep a bit more, but stick to the routine once it sets in it’s easy to get to bed on time so you can be up and ready.
I get up at 5:30 for work anyway, there’s no way I could squeeze in an AM workout. That would put the alarm at around 4:00am to get the gym and a shower in. Just can’t do it.
To the last dude, you gotta switch to mornings and a pre-workout is necessary (coffee works too, but I like to save my coffee for later in the day). A former C4 user, I quit because it is terrible. I started taking an equally, if not more, effective pre-workout called PureWOD (just google it). It’s all natural and doesn’t make you jittery. It tastes … it does not taste good. But once I choke it down on the way to the gym, I quickly forget it’s 5am and there is no crash. I am not affiliated with them in any way, I am just super excited to have finally found a pre workout that doesn’t blow. Good luck switching to mornings!