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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Sup Dillon,
Question for the mailbag that doesn’t involve sex, bachelor parties, or relationship advice. Lets get into it…
My best friend and I try to take a trip together every summer since he moved away after college. This year I happen to have 4 bachelor parties, I’m in two weddings, and attending another wedding out of town, so the summer vacation budget is getting stretched a little thin. I’ve been researching Airbnb’s and ran into a question: Is it a trash move for two 26 year old dudes to share a bed for 5-6 nights straight together? Should I hit the trash horn?
It seems to be significantly cheaper for a 1 bed Airbnb than a 2 bed. We’ve been boys since middle school, so obviously we have shared a bed plenty of times, but never for 5-6 nights straight. If I was 5 years younger and a broke college kid, I probably wouldn’t think about it, but since we’re adults now, it just seems like it could be a trash move.
P.S. I know you’re a Vail guy, but if you’ve spent any time in Denver, let me know if you have suggestions. Any commenter suggestions?
We actually discussed this very topic on last Thursday’s Touching Base, if you want three times the opinions (actually, four – Micah weighed in, too).
Your situation is different than our caller’s, however. I explained during the poddy that it was fine to share a bed with your boy when traveling, and it is. I answered his question under the assumption that he was traveling with a group of four, though. That makes it different. I’m not sure why, but it does. Maybe it adds an element of intimacy or something when it’s just the two of you.
Four guys in two queen beds is just a group of friends trying to save a buck. Two guys in a king or queen in a bedroom that only has one bed — for five or six days straight — is either a gay couple (not that there’s anything wrong with that) or two friends who are uncomfortably comfortable with each other. It’s just a little weird. I’d avoid.
Mr. Cheverererererere,
I apologize for the awkward nature of this ask, but in all honesty, at what age or life milestone does it become unusual for a guy to have not lost his virginity? Is being a virgin an immediate turn-off for women (for the most part, there are exceptions to everything)? Any insight about this helps. BTW, I’m in my early 20s and average looking if it makes a difference. Thanks.
I think entering college as a virgin is considered pretty “unusual” for a guy. College is the milestone. I’d guess that about 5% of students are virgins when they first step onto a college campus. One out of twenty could be called unusual. I could be low on that number. Not sure. It doesn’t make you weird, though. Some guys are simply gifted in the art of taking girls home, but so many guys aren’t.
I guess being a virgin could turn away some women, but most, I assume, would be pretty cool about it. It might even make some of them feel special that you’d be willing to make them your first. You also have the option of not disclosing that you’re a virgin, then it’s not even a factor. You’re good, man. And you’re still pretty young, so don’t stress. Just get out there and wait for the right girl to come along.
Hey hot stuff,
So my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year and he recently got a job in North Carolina. He’s been down there for a little over a month now and the plan was for me to move down there once my lease is up here in the great state of Ohio. Now that I am a two weeks out though I’m getting a little bit nervous. I will be quitting my (awful, terrible, miserable) full-time job here to move on down without a plan in the world.
I have some money saved so I will be able to pay our rent and not be a total clone of “Things girls do after graduation”, but am I certifiably insane to be making such a huge move without much of a plan or savings account? I know you’re one busy man but I leave on the 23rd so if you wanna respond before then that would be #dope, but if not no worries. I’ll keep on reading your lovely advice to other, luckier, individuals.
xoxo
The feelings you’re experiencing are very normal. I mean, picking up your life and moving halfway across the country is a big deal. But shit, you’re right on track. No offense to the state of Ohio and your admittedly awful job, buttttttt what exactly is keeping you there?
Move out there without hesitation and figure it out. That’s what your 20s are for.
Dillon,
I’ve got a question and I need someone else’s help. I’m having confidence issues with my penis. Why you may ask? Well I am uncircumcised. Being a human I have insecurities, and this is my big one. My friends up at college don’t know I’m packing foreskin, and they have talked about how “gross” it is around me, and I usually remain silent during it. Their ignorance is sometimes funny to me, cause I take showers like a human and it really isn’t gross. Anyway, my friend group includes some girls, and hearing them say it fuels my insecurity. I had a girlfriend a few years ago, and she didn’t seem to have a problem with it, but we were young, and she had never seen a dick before. But I’ve been lacking pussy for about 2 years now, and I need a change. Got any advice for a young insecure man?
I don’t know how to make you feel better about your downstairs situation because I’m drawing a blank, but I am including your question with the hopes that our readers/commenters will weigh in and help a brother out.
If I’m being honest, those things weird me out a little bit. The first time I saw one in person was in the baseball locker room in high school and I thought something was wrong with the kid. Maybe he was deformed or something. Like an uncut torpedo cigar.
Some good news for you is that the circumcision rate is on the decline. Maybe those crazy people you see picketing about not cutting on your baby son’s penis are actually getting through to people. Anyway, I’m sorry. Someone help this guy out.
Dillon,
Big fan of the bag and your advice. Here’s the deal, I need to know if I’m a bad guy…
Background: dated a girl for a little over 2 years. Things were pretty serious, thought it was going to be a forever thing, but the last few months, things got very stale. Stale to the point where I dreaded seeing her, talked sparingly, and completely lost all bedroom interest for me.
Apparently this was a complete shock to her as she was completely satisfied and surprised when ending it came up. Unfortunately the breakup came about through text (I know). Not my intention, but she asked if I wanted to be with her anymore via text, and I answered honestly. I was planning on doing it the next time we saw each other, I swear!
Anyway, this was a few months ago, and since then she has asked me several times to meet her in person to talk, since we ended through text. I have no interest in doing so. I don’t want to get back together, I don’t want to be friends, I don’t even want to be on”happy birthday text” terms. I feel absolutely nothing about it, just completely over it, and over her in my head. I’ve obviously already begun clipping other girls, enjoying the single life, and moving on.
So my question is, after 2 year of dating, do I owe her this conversation she so adamantly desires? I really don’t have anything to say to her that I haven’t said already. I don’t think she’s a bad person, I just think she assumed we’d always be together, and stopped trying in our relationship. So tell me, am I a bad guy?
Thanks brother!
I actually think that, yes, you owe her an in-person explanation. We’re talking two years here, man. She was far more than just a fling. That’s a lot of time together and a LOT of emotional investment in someone.
I know it’s easier to completely separate yourself and move on like nothing ever happened, but if you care about this girl (you really should), give her the talk she wants and help provide some closure for her. Closure is hugely important in moving on from someone. Give it to her and hit her with the truth. It hurts, but it helps.
A phone call is the least you could do.
P.S. Dude said “clipping other girls” to mean he’s having sex with them. Amazing.
Hey Dillon,
I’m a big fan of the mailbag, and I have a wedding etiquette question for you.
I have my cousin’s wedding coming up this Memorial Day weekend, and I will be going a couple of days ahead of time to help her and her fiancé set up (I’ll be taking PTO to do so). Am I required to get them a gift in this scenario, or can helping them out be the gift?
Look forward to your take!
Dude, yes. That’s your cousin. Favors don’t count as gifts..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
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RogerJDorn
Guy who broke up w/ girl after two years via text, you have bad karma headed your way.
As much as it sucks and it majorly sucks, it sounds like this girl dodged a bullet. Thank GOD she didn’t marry him.
Right? “I feel absolutely nothing about it.” Sorry you don’t have a soul, bro.
Why is it bad that he feels that way? He didn’t see the relationship progressing any further so why would he be depressed about it? Sure, he handled the break-up poorly, but his post break-up feelings don’t make him soulless. What would have been soulless would have been to fake it and propose because he feels like he has to and then they have a miserable 5 year marriage.
“Things were pretty serious, thought it was going to be a forever thing, but the last few months, things got very stale” – his quote. To me, that means he really liked her, but never talked to her about what he was feeling when it started getting “stale”. Can’t blame her for wanting to at least talk through some feelings instead of getting a text saying it was over. Either that, or she was far more ready for a committed relationship that he was, which is also a fine reason to break up, but at least talk to her about it.
Yea, I mean I agreed that he handled the actual break-up poorly. But if he felt nothing in the relationship for months no reason to keep dragging the two of you through it.
In a long term relationship in which one party starts to lose interest its not unusual for that person to be emotionally uninvested when the breakup eventually occurs, especially if those feelings had been building for a while. In this dude’s mind, he had already processed the breakup and let go of his emotional attachment of his girlfriend before even breaking up with her. That being said, he definitely owes her a face to face conversation to provide her with the closure needed for her to move on as well. Dont be reckless with someobody else’s heart, especially someone that you dated for 2 years.
A virgin is just a person with no bad habits. Some people will love that, play to your strength
Sorry, didn’t mean to send that as a comment
Nah, the dude said he’s “clipping” other girls. No way he actually has sex, so your comment applies.
To the guy who broke up with the girl over text: you’re a piece of shit. After 2 years with someone, you should know better. You could’ve kicked the can down the road and told her that such serious discussions were not to be done via text. Be an adult, give up one hour of your life and give the poor girl some closure.
Yeah, certifiable trash move.
I don’t think it’s fair to say it’s trash that he said what he said over text since she asked and he answered honestly. Now, it is obviously a garbage move that he is refusing to meet with her to explain a little. I mean, I feel like I owe it to someone after like 3 months let alone 2 years.
He should’ve told a white lie and postponed the conversation to a better time where they could talk face to face, or at least over the phone. It was also a trash move to break up out of nowhere and not at least try to talk things out and salvage the relationship. The fact that she was shocked and had no idea that he felt this way says everything about their communication, or lack thereof.
I wouldn’t have handled it as he did but at least he was honest about it. A simple text saying he didn’t think it was working anymore but they should meet to talk about it would have been better. Also, saying it’s trash for him to break up with her and not at least try to salvage the relationship is straight silly. Our writer says he knew it was done in every way imaginable. What’s the point of dragging her along for another 3 months? All it does is make the end worse.
Attempting to salvage the relationship would have just made him even more resentful toward her. This won’t be a popular opinion, but he doesn’t need to meet up with her months later, for that exact reason. She’s going to try and talk him into getting back together and figure out what she can do to make it work. She needs to accept it and move on, for her own happiness.
Or maybe she is trying to figure out how to better herself for the future. If it came out of the blue then obviously she thinks she did something wrong to make him feel how he does. She just wants to get a little closure on to what made him go from two years together to an out of nowhere breakup, and maybe that can help her in future relationships.
Been on the receiving end of this and never got closure. It sucks and it’ll mess with your head. Be decent and just give a simple, honest why
95% of people having sex before college seems pretty high, especially if kids came from a religious or more conservative background. According to the CDC, only 41% of high schoolers had sex.
Agreed. I’d say 5% of college students LEAVE as a virgin, not start as a virgin.
95% of folks in college orientation have already fucked? That seems outrageous to me.
Maybe 95% of the folks that you “hang out” with in college, but the almost the entire population? No way…
I would say at least 20% lie about being virgins
Own the peen sweater. I used to hook up with a guy in college who was uncut and it was fantastic! I kind of preferred the au natural at the time. There isn’t a big difference once you’re at attention anyways.
Text breakup guy, go “clip” yourself.
Couldn’t agree more – Once I figured out what it was and what it could do, it was fun and I prefer it. You’re good man – own it.
What can it do?
What number is best for you David? I’ll fill you in.
Sup?
Agree. Best sex I ever had was with an uncut guy. I can’t really tell the difference when it’s erect. Looks the same to me.
Text breakup-er: I had the same sort of stale, feel-nothing breakup after two years. If it was really that easy for you to end it, then it should be no trouble for you to have a short talk with her. Without it you might be rattling her entire dating perspective. She deserves some closure.
Exactly right. This girl doesn’t deserve to be punished because it took this guy 2 years to figure out she doesn’t match his personal preference.
Chicks who freak out about uncircumcised dicks are missing out on a lot of great guys. There is absolutely nothing weird about it.
True ^ if guys I had dated happened to have been uncircumcised, it wouldn’t have been a deal breaker whatsoever. I just have never come across one in my lifetime and now I’m with #samepenisforever, so I guess I will never know.
Seconded. There’s the initial “wait..what’s different here?” thought and that’s about it.
BF is uncut, and it took a little getting used to at first in some ways, but overall it’s been really great! If I were single and hadn’t encountered an uncircumcised peen, I still wouldn’t not sleep with the guy because he wasn’t. Sex is good!
If things have progressed far enough in the hook up for dicks to be out, I’m assuming you’re both too riled up to care much about anything except getting some. If she’s horny (and I assume she is if clothes are off; this advice does NOT apply to douche bags who send unsolicited dick pics), she doesn’t care about anything except getting it in. So don’t worry about it 🙂
Hey text breakup guy, in the words of our newest Masters champ, “go hang yourself” you chode
Who would hesitate moving from Ohio to North Carolina? I assume you’d be moving to Charlotte, Raleigh, or Wilmington which are infinitely better than any city in Ohio with much more job opportunity anyhow.
Don’t knock Columbus till you’ve tried it, Kimosabe
Nah, make the move.
It’s currently 40 degrees in Columbus. I’m 2 hours from patio beverages in 75 degree sun. Will take a pass, but will make the trip to Cleveland to see the Panthers route them this fall!
yeah but it’s supposed to be mid 70s Thursday and Friday here, regardless of the fact that I cleared 2” of snow off my car Monday morning. Where else can you get that type of psychotic behavior short of dating a complete nutjob? I digress, and due to it being the off-season, I can confidently say that the Browns are gonna win the Super Bowl this year. Hope springs eternal every draft season…*cries*
Columbus is the only reason to stay in Ohio, other than that; leave
Move Ohio State away from Columbus and that place would be a no mans land. Cincinnati is THE city in Ohio.
You what they say about Cincinnati; there are nicer houses in Kentucky.
With all joking aside, I’m actually from Ohio and I grew up about 4 hours away so I cannot make accurate statement about the city.
I used to drive through Columbus a lot, and the fucked up way that I-71 goes through that city is enough to tell me that it sucks.
Columbus is the most bland, generic city in Ohio. Remove campus and it is just one massive strip mall and with cookie cutter subdivisions sprinkled throughout. Cincinnati or Cleveland over Columbus any day.
Go downtown first before you make your assessment, One thing my journeys have made clear is suburbs are cultural voids whether they’re in Ohio PA the Dominican Republic Great Pacific Garbage Patch etc.
Or Cincinnati – so to the girl balking at moving to NC, sup?
Can confirm that Cincinnati is dope for Ohio.
I know we’re old now, but Ohio University for undergrad is 100% the move.
If you like STI’s and forest creatures, sure
Always preferred the ladies from UD/Miami/OSU, but OU girls definitely knew how to have fun
OU is a great move for partying, but not very impressive when it comes to academics or landing a job. A handful of people from my high school went there and most ended up back in our crappy hometown after graduation.
OU Oh Yeah!
Cleveland/fellow bobcats stand up
Not speaking for the entire female population here but I don’t think being a virgin in your early twenties is THAT weird. I also don’t think that’s really something you need to advertise unless asked. But totally your decision.
Uncircumcised penis guy… I honestly have never seen one not circumcised, so I do think it would be a little bit of a shock at first if we were messing around and BOOM, foreskin. But, if you’re seeing someone you have feelings for then I would hope they wouldn’t make it a big deal.
For his own good, don’t advertise it.
I feel like I’ve gone back in time to 2013 and the text breakup question is from my ex.
Yes, she asked via text (which admittedly, is not a great move), but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t call her with his response. A two year relationship deserves the dignity of a conversation.