I Stopped Giving A Shit At Work And I’ve Never Felt Better

I Stopped Giving A Shit At Work And I've Never Felt Better


That’s the number of people who have either left for better jobs or gotten fired in the year and a half that I’ve been at my small company. Our Glassdoor page reads like the first draft of a Comedy Central roast. The turnover rate is so high that I now actively avoid getting to know the new hires since there’s a good chance they’ll be gone before October. Sometimes I go to a park two blocks away and look at dogs for half an hour to avoid doing real work.

To be blunt, I hate my job and everyone here. Except Carl. Carl’s cool.

There are advantages. My manager works from home three days a week. Sometimes I leave 20 minutes early. Nobody gives a shit.

I changed my schedule so now I work 8:00-4:00 every day. I usually get in at 7:45. Then I play NBA Jam online for 45 minutes before checking my email and starting work. When other people arrive, I acknowledge their existence with a nod, plug my headphones into my work station, and continue playing NBA Jam online. Sometimes Carl and I talk about the Premier League. These are the only conversations in my day that give me joy.

Two weeks ago, I got yelled at for entering a conversation about breakfast cereals “too aggressively.” I’m sorry I like Cinnamon Toast Crunch more than I like any of the actual people here.

All of my work assignments are massive and usually take days to complete. This gives me ample time to not give a shit. Not giving a shit usually consists of throwing my resume into the void on Indeed, bullshitting on Twitter, hoping I get more freelance writing work from my company, and going on PGP to see if they finally published Nived instead of another Reddit list.

The days pass with mechanical efficiency. I know at some point I’ll find something better. But deep down, I don’t want to leave Carl behind.

Image via Shutterstock

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Parker Jammstein

Stand-up comic. Soccer nerd. Water polo enthusiast. Eater of burritos. NY/NJ.

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