I Am A Grown Man And I Can’t Wait For ‘Finding Dory’

I Am A Grown Man And I Can't Wait For Finding Dory

I always thought birthday parties at the movie theater were lame, but this one was different. Finding Nemo was coming out, and even though I hated the kid that invited me, you bet your ass I was going to see this movie. Finding Nemo became a classic to me. I had every line memorized immediately. I could write a full biography on every character. I could crank out a 14-hour filibuster in Congress over just this movie and I wouldn’t even be close to halfway through it. It was my go-to to throw on the TV when I was hanging out or falling asleep. I watched this movie at least once a week in college. I love Finding Nemo.

So when I saw on Twitter a while back that the sequel was finally coming out over a decade later, I was pumped. When I saw an actual Finding Dory account (and not the Dory account that steals everyone’s tweets), you know I had to follow it ASAP. I’ve watched every trailer. I’ve done all my research. I am ready for this movie.

I know sequels can be iffy. I know sometimes they often fail. However, the Disney-Pixar model never lets me down. Toy Story 2 was pretty good and Toy Story 3 just about had me in tears. Monsters University (minus the blatant attack trying to stereotype Greek life) was above par. Even the sequel to Cars wasn’t bad. Finding Dory is going to blow them all out of the water.

Dory as a main character? Everything we have ever wanted. Nemo is chill as fuck. We’re getting new characters in Cranky Octopus, a shark (Dory’s childhood friend), a whale, Dory’s parents, and two hilarious sea lions. The teacher stingray? My man. The original fish tank crew from the dentist’s office? So glad they escaped. Crush and Squirt are back? Duuuuuuuuude. And Marlin? Well, he’s a pussy.

The characters are voiced by a great cast, ranging from Ellen Degeneres to Bill Hader to Phil Dunphy (I know that’s not his actual name but he is always Phil Dunphy in my eyes). The plot is deep, as Dory is on a mission to find her family. Poor girl gets scooped up and ends up in a marine biology institute. Not to mention, Disney and Pixar team up better than Don Draper and Peggy Olson. They crank out a timeless classic every time, and I know Finding Dory is going to be one of their best.

So what is a large grown man supposed to do when he wants to go see the newest Disney movie on opening weekend? I can’t go by myself, I would look like a pedophile. Okay, so I’ll take my girlfriend. Nope, not enough cover. Okay, got my plan. Taking my girlfriend and her two nieces to see it on opening weekend.Not only does it make me look like a good guy, but it also provides the perfect cover for going to see a movie I’ve been waiting on for over 10 years. I am ready.

Fellas, take a girl to this movie this weekend. Ladies, get a squad together and roll deep to the theater. Everyone everywhere drop what you’re doing and get out there and see Finding Dory. I promise it is going to be one of the best movies ever.

Now give me some fin. Noggin. Duuuuuuuuuude.

Image via YouTube

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Just a big dude from Virginia who loves Dale Earnhardt, guns, and eating red meat.

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