How Your Best Friend Is Basically Your Boyfriend


If I were to tell you about the best relationship I’ve ever had, you might be shocked to learn that it didn’t necessarily involve a boy. Surprisingly enough, this person was a stranger I met on the first day of class my freshman year of college. After writing terrible speeches in comm, going to yoga together, and trying some extensive mixology with pink lemonade Burnett’s, she soon became my best friend. You may not have met your best friend this way. Actually, chances are, you probably didn’t. Regardless, you share with her a bond that can probably only be rivaled with by your future (or current if, you’re crazy) husband.

You get dressed in front of each other.
From numerous outfit changes and knowing which Pandora stations are suitable for this routine to being completely aware of how unnecessary it is for me to bring what stock I own in Ulta to her apartment because she has exact same products, I can no longer count on my appendages how many times my best friend and I have gotten ready in front of each other.

You take each other out to dinner.
You nailed that presentation? You got the job? It’s Tuesday? Let’s celebrate by going out to eat, and by “eat” I mean fill up on empty calories like peach bellinis and cheddar bay biscuits. I can honestly tell you that nine times out of 10, you two preface these dinners with, “You want to go work out?” or “I’m bored, let’s do something,” instead of with an actual hunger for food.

You buy each other drinks.
While we’re on the subject of guzzling alcohol, you’re courteous enough to buy each other drinks. This happens at least once during any given night, but especially on your birthday or for a significant event, like finally (FINALLY) getting your period. You’re to the point where you don’t even have to ask what she wants anymore. My best friend goes directly to the bourbon without question for me–and for her? Woodchuck in a cup, please, because she has Crohn’s disease and the yeast in other beers makes her feel like shit. Know your friends and know your alcohols, ladies.

You approve of and force upon each other prospective male leads.
That was the nice, adult way of saying she helps you get laid. She can do a lot of things for you, but that isn’t one of them.

You get jealous when she says “best friend” in regards to someone else.
To be fair, we’ve all done this. You don’t actually mean it, obviously, but due to the weird circumstances of the situation, we still say those words. I’m sorry, who? I’m her best friend. Don’t think she likes you. Because she doesn’t. Whore.

You have date night.
Not to be confused with dinner dates, these dates are planned, weekly events, and people know not to try to schedule other plans with you on this night. It usually consists of eating a week’s worth of calories, cracking open a bottle of wine, and using reruns of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” as background noise while discussing your lives.

You made out with each other at the bars in college.
Basically what you have here is that weird, overzealous, cocky feeling after having ingested far too much hard liquor. This is basically the opposite of not feeling confident enough and crying in the bathroom while telling her that you just love her so much and that the two of you are soulmates. I mean, you do love her in this scenario, too–but you’re probably outside on the back porch of whatever bar you’re at surrounded by a bunch of guys who think it’s AWESOME.

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My state gave you J. Law, Clooney, two-fifths of the Backstreet Boys, and multiple fifths of bourbon. I gave you a cover letter using Brian McKnight lyrics. Psuedo-adult by day; PGP, TFM, and TSM contributor by night. Please don't ask me to do math.

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