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Growing up, not only did you think you would make stupid-good money coming out of college, you also thought people you’d date would, too. You would go on candlelit date nights at the city’s finest steakhouse and take spur of the moment weekend trips to anywhere your two excessively-funded hearts desired.
That was all before the reality that your paycheck barely covers rent, bills, and whatever you qualify as “food.” However, just because being fancy isn’t necessarily your reality, it doesn’t mean everything is all bad. While you’re attempting to make something of yourself as a postgrad, remember that your potential suitors are, too. There are just some things you have to learn to let slide.
Dinner Dates On Buy-One-Get-One Nights
If there is one thing I’ve learned after college, it’s that eating out all the time is expensive. The typical person living off $35K a year can’t afford it for him or herself, let alone for another person. The ladies shouldn’t look down on a guy who’s trying so save where he can–plus, you know you love Taco Tuesday just as much as the next person. However, guys, if she’s cooking for you and asks you pick up something she forgot, for God’s sake, this is not the time to cheap out. Paprika is not that expensive.
Share Netflix, HBO GO, Or Hulu Accounts
I’ve done this out of the goodness of my heart before, and also to pay forward others’ kindness of letting me get caught up on my favorite premium-channel shows after Mom and Dad decided they no longer had a need for those channels, nor a need to support any raunchy show addiction. It’s okay to share or ask to share. If you’re watching together, there’s no need to pay twice; also, if it’s your account, the “recently watched” list can be highly informative. If sharing becomes a problem, simply set the parental controls to G-rated shows only. He or she should get the message.
Go Out Drinking Make A Trip To The Discount Liquor Warehouse
If there is one thing more expensive than eating out, it’s drinking out. Unless you’re meeting friends, sometimes it’s just not worth it for the two of you to go out for $9 beer night just to sit there and do the exact same thing you’d do at home on the couch with a fifth of Popov and some club soda. Also, we’ve all seen that lone couple at the bar–they’re all over each other the whole time, for what seems to be purely to gross out other patrons. Don’t be those people. Go buy booze. Go home, drink together, and bump n’ grind on each other in private. You know it’s fun, and it’s cost-effective.
Taking A Trip Together Means Not Crossing State Lines
If you can’t afford to send yourself on a vacation, it’s safe to say your significant other can’t, either. When dropping $2,000 on a Vegas weekend just isn’t in the cards, a modest couple hundred dollar lake house rental is likely a more viable option. Load up the car and pray for good weather. Tahiti will come one of these days, hopefully. When I say “hopefully,” I mean it better.
Show Appreciation With “Favors” Instead Of Presents
Gifts are nice. Who doesn’t love opening a present? However, material presents can be tedious to find and expensive to buy. You know what doesn’t cost money? Yup, you know. Save yourself that uptown trip to the mall–I believe the gift you’re looking for is “downtown.”
Be Patient
If you’re dating someone with any sort of ambition, his or her day is coming. Surviving temporary poverty together establishes a solid foundation. Like Steve Winwood said, “The finer things keep shining through.”
Respond
McMagistrate
After stretching college out for 9 years, McMagistrate is now an attorney in her late-ish 20's who earned her title by embracing the stigma that accompanies a healthy partying habit. She enjoys showing off her sub-par golf game and pretending her impressive law school loan doesn't exist. You can likely find her on her patio, live-tweeting her wine binges, and concerning her neighbors.
@mcmagistrate
Kudos on the picture.
Homeless black man with a jerry curl screams poverty.
“Excuse me miss, I’m not the kind of guy to be forward like this, but I would love to take you out tonight to the Applebee’s within walking distance of my apartment. Not until 9pm though, that’s when the half-off appetizers are.”
“Oh, you’re busy? Shucks, well how about we just skip the formalities and just hunker down on my couch and put some Netflix on? I’m pretty sure my parents haven’t changed the password, but if you play your cards right, I could ask them for the HBO:GO.”
“No? Let me sweeten the deal with three-quarters of a handle of Popov in my freezer. I mix a mean screwdriver.”
“Wait…don’t walk away just yet. You’re right, these are absurd. Let’s just take the weekend off and go to my cabin…it is in the middle of the woods…you’re good.”
“Who am I kidding…you’re not interested in any of this. I can’t woo you with 50% off spring rolls, House of Cards, vodka, or a quiet getaway. Let’s just take the express train down to my groin; everyone gets off at Scrotum Station.”
“…man…someone’s uptight. Well, she knows what’s on the table. Can’t say I didn’t try. She’ll come around.”
I laughed at this, but seriously, dude, I think you’re missing the point.
This is basically a “how to” for not getting laid
$2,000 on a Vegas weekend? Holy hell.
Flight for two $120-$200 (from anywhere on the west coast…if you’re on the east coast and going to Vegas you’re an idiot)
Two Nights at the Vdara $180-$280 + $40 tip for a room upgrade
Four meals for two $200-300
Back and forth taxi to/from airport $40
Liquor store pit stop $60
That leaves you with about $1,200… wtf are you possibly wasting it on in two days when you’re there with a girlfriend?
How to date when you profit:
1. Don’t Eat, get 6-pack
2. Put yourself in a shirt-off situation
3. ???
4. Profit
*when you’re poor