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If you visit St. Louis, you’ll be told two things: 1. Don’t go anywhere downtown more than a block from the ballpark, up north (literally Ferguson) or in Illinois, and 2. Go get some IMO’s Pizza! You are then required to pretend that you totally can’t wait to get some IMO’s and look forward to an exciting culinary experience that amounts to eating room temperature ketchup on an off-brand cracker. I’m not even talking about Saltines. I’m talking about Zesta. Gross!
So I was shocked to quite shocked when this so-called “Tasting Table” website named Imo’s Pizza as one of the best pizza spots in the country.
Here’s what they had to say:
We’re talking about the famous Imo’s, which slings Saint Louis-style pizza, with its thin, crispy crust and Provel® cheese. Unlike most other styles, the Saint Louis version swaps yeast for baking powder in its crust, which yields a cracker-like consistency reminiscent of saltines in the best way possible. The Provel cheese—a processed blend of cheddar, provolone and Swiss cheeses known for its incomparable gooeyness—is the other signature component.
The way they describe Provel cheese is hilarious. Like it’s some kind of hidden treasure artisan cheese that the Midwest has been hiding from the world for decades. Provel cheese is basically provolone flavored Velveeta. It’s plastic cheese that turns hard as a rock if not consumed within 20 minutes. It’s delicious, but I’m pretty sure the stuff is responsible for roughly 75% of colorectal cancers in Eastern Missouri.
I went to school at Mizzou, and easily the most inconvenient, overblown and annoying thing that has ever happened at that school were St. Louis kids forcing IMO’s onto unsuspecting victims like myself without any sort of trigger warning. I still find any pizza whose crust is less than half an inch in depth very problematic. Pizza is my Safe Space™ and if you try to make me try new things or present different opinions of my own, then fuck you.
I honestly thought IMO’s was a joke when my St. Louis friends made me try it the first time. You know like how some South American jungle tribes put on gloves full of bullet ants in order to prove their loyalty and become a man and whatnot? I thought that’s why St. Louisians (Lousians? Louisons? Lunatics?) loved it so much. Like it was their version of self-flagellation to celebrate their hometown, because already living there wasn’t torture enough. Or maybe it was them enjoying watching their friends squirm as they shoveled down square after square of nonsense.
Who knows how much IMO’s paid Tasting Table to publish this nonsense, but for me, my opinion is not* for sale. IMO’s is trash pizza. If you’re ever in Missouri, don’t fall for this trick. Don’t get fooled..
*is 100% for sale
[via Tasting Table]
Image via FewdFinds / YouTube
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Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
@BrianMcGannon
@brianmcgannon
brianmcgannon
Imo’s is exceptionally mediocre pizza. Calling it trash worse than a dollar frozen pizza is ridiculous, and calling it one of the greatest pizzas is also a joke.
How’s that for a #RoomTemperatureTake
Imo’s is the Domino’s of St. Louis-style pizza. It’s adequate, but you’re not going to put Domino’s “Brooklyn-style” up against a legitimate New York City pizzeria. Side note, the best St. Louis-style pizza I’ve had is Guido’s in The Hill.
^^^^ This my friend’s uncle owns that restaurant and can confirm great pizza.
Totino’s > Imo’s
I have friends in St. Louis, of which there are many, who are angered that I wrote this.
Maybe you should write a column about how they got offended by your column
@Duda
Brian – I lived in Saint Louis for a few years. I really did love the city. The food is awesome, rents cheap, and generally the people are welcoming. That being said, IMO’s sucks. It’s more a nacho than a pizza. Great work.
Valid on the pizza, but lets not pretend the toasted ravs don’t partially make up for it
When I’ve been down to Saint Louis, the biggest food recommendations were 1) Toasted ravioli (Which are a delicacy) and 2) Steve’s Hot Dogs. I feel like they do partially make up for the crackers with cheese on them that IMO’s makes
Moved to KCMO last year and recently my work had a pizza party and ordered IMO’s per request of a St. Louisian coworker of mine. Worst. Pizza. Party. Ever.
I moved to KC last year too, so sup?
I could not possibly agree more with Mr. McGannon. Imo’s is certified trash food.
Coming from the guy who purposely cheers against USA soccer. Your takes are trash dawg
You’re certified trash. Probz a KA too
Im assuming thats Imo’s in the picture and it looks like straight garabage
They picked a picture of a pizza after the driver shook it up jumping up the steps
Your pizza is bad and you should feel bad
Sad!
I’d rather eat dollar pizza.
Those 99 cent Mama Celeste pizzas are fire
I’d rather eat a dollar
What pizza did Kevin have in Home Alone?