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Ugh. That’s all really have to say this Monday morning. I’m not really too sure why I’m dragging, since I literally did nothing this week besides sit on my ass and binge watch the last season of Pretty Little Liars in between football games. Maybe it’s that it’s cold and it gets dark early, but I’m definitely riding the struggle bus this Monday. But while I may be a passenger, here are some people that may actually be driving it.
Wisconsin
Even if the Badgers had won, it was a long shot that they were going to be chosen for the College Football Playoff after both Clemson and Washington won their games during Conference Championship Weekend. But still, they didn’t need to basically give the game to Penn State.
Wisconsin was actually leading 14-0 after the first 12 minutes, and were up 28-7 late in the first half. Pretty good, right? But apparently, they used up all of their decent plays – and their defense didn’t do them any favors. There was a point that Penn State quarterback Trace McSorley went 22 minutes of game time without throwing an incomplete pass; and then when he did throw two, they didn’t matter due to defensive penalties. All in all, Penn State was able to score 31 points on five consecutive drives and win 38-31. Of course, the Nittany Lions didn’t get an invitation to the CFP, either, but at least they won the Big Ten. [via Bleacher Report]
This Beaver
From badgers to beavers. This cute little guy wondered into at a dollar store in Charlotte Hall, Maryland and apparently went into a rage in the holiday aisle:
The vandal attempted to flee the scene, but was apprehended and turned over to an animal rehabilitator to be released back into the wild. But let’s be serious: are there any of us that haven’t almost flown into a rage at a dollar store? Those places are as close as you can get to hell on earth, particularly during the holiday season and this beaver…well, he’s just like us. [via The Washington Post]
E-Cigarette Smokers
It seems like vaping – using e-cigarettes to heat up nicotine so it can be inhaled as vapor – is everywhere And those that vape can often seem a bit self-righteous, since vaping has been billed as a healthier alternative to smoking. But it looks like that’s a bit, fat lie.
While vaping may have a lower probability of causing the big C than smoking, the scientists at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm found that just ten puffs on an e-cigarette can is enough to cause high blood pressure and hardening of the arteries, similar to the causes of heart disease that are attributed to smoking. And this is just the latest in a string of studies that suggest vaping isn’t that great for your health, including one that suggested the chemicals used to flavor the vapor could be dangerous when inhaled and other that said those who vape are actually 28% less likely to quit tobacco than those who don’t – meaning that vaping isn’t a good method of quitting smoking.
Uh-oh. [via Daily Mail]
San Francisco 49ers
It wasn’t all that long ago that the San Francisco 49ers were good. Like, in the Super Bowl good. But with a 1-10 record this season, those days seem like they are far in the rearview mirror. So you can’t blame them for getting really excited when they scored a touchdown on Sunday, even if it was against the almost-equally-as-bad Chicago Bears, right?
Well, it actually turns out that you can blame them…because they didn’t actually score. According to Deadspin:
Bears punter Pat O’Donnell had his kick blocked in the second quarter; 49ers cornerback Dontae Johnson ran it back for what would have been the first touchdown of the game. The 49ers celebrated, believing they had scored. Johnson dropped to the ground and made snow angels in the sprinkling of powder.
However, Johnson had stepped out of bounds at the four-yard line, so there was no touchdown, but there was an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the Niners for the celebration.
If you need the visual:
Woof. [via Deadspin]
Rep. Louie Gohmert
We all know that there are a lot of problems in government. But when it starts messing with our food, we need to take a stand.
At least, that’s the stance that Texas Representative Louie Gohmert (R – Tyler) is taking. Gohmert had a habit of cooking ribs on the balcony of his House office for other representatives. That is, until the Architect of the Capitol, who works for the House and Senate, decided to put a stop to the House member’s BBQs.
But Gohmert took to the floor of the House on Friday for a 55-minute speech to defend his right to ribs.
Of course, this comes at a time when there are a lot of issues in our country that need to be resolved. But then again, is there really anything more important than good BBQ? [via Chron] .
Image via YouTube
Don’t forget Westworld shareholders
“I love cooking ribs. It’s one of the few times I can leave a good taste in someone’s mouth rather than a bitter taste.”
Self-awareness game is strong.
I worked for a Texas Congressman for a period of time. Can confirm that Gohmert’s reputation is accurate.
Nothing is more important than good BBQ.
Louie is kinda a cook, but this is terrible that he cant cook
My gf of 2.5 years suggested we “take a break for 6 months until we can relocate to the same city” because she’s “sick of this distance.” Never understand women. PGP.
This is code name for she found a local rebound penis for 50% off until she changes address. Don’t sell yourself short bud, just get out there and find another lady slipper in the meantime.
Naw she didn’t find anyone else I know that. I just gotta play the game and wait for her to call/text me again even though she “needs space.” Pretty predictable at this point. Women are confusing, yet somehow predictable to a point.
How do you know that for certain though? I’m in a similar situation as you right now and I just periodically send her photos of me with my shirt off every 4-6 hours to remind her of what she’s missing out on. She’ll come back. They always come backkkk lol
Predictability. PGP.
She’s probably already banging someone else. Just never text or call and make sure your insta/FB is full of pictures of you looking good and partying.
congrats on the future sex you’ll be having with randos
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you two are likely not getting back together. Long distance relationships suck and it’s hard to stay committed for both people.
With that said, your ex is a bitch for telling you that she wants a “six month break” and not having the balls to just permanently break up with you once and for all. Expect that “six month break” to turn permanent.
Honestly, fuck that girl. (Not literally).
🙁
I’m sorry, but Bill Nye is right. That’s just not cool.
Sorry bud.
I haven’t seen any comments about this, but everything on this website changed on my work computer. Is anyone else seeing this or is my computer fucked? It’s this green/blue color now and the comment section is all funky.
The color is way too light and upbeat for a website with the word problems in the title. I’m sure eventually I’ll get used to it, but right now it seems like a bad fit.
Grammar here is horrendous. I know it’s a Monday and all, but come on. I love reading these two. It’s just disappointing.
Too* fuck me fucking autocorrect
I fully admit I was riding the struggle bus this week.
Let me know my penance.
I figured that was the case. Your penance, do better. Your sins are forgiven!
I’m by no means qualified to tell Jesus how to do his job, but couldn’t you have at least required her to deliver another article this week since she is one of the better writers.
That’s really nice of you to say, thank you!
Good point! 2NOTBrokeGirls, make an article on your trashiest one night stand or your trashiest black out by Friday, and have some sort of moral to the story on how you became a better person because of the experience. That’d be dope.
You should remember these things Jesus, she doesn’t one night bang, she has to be in loooove.
‘Tis true. But I did just submit a column about sliding into my recently single ex’s DMs. Will that do?
Partial indulgence for you!
That sounds sounds like it will go well, not. Wait a bit for it to implode then write about it.
That will be the inevitable follow up column.
Honorable mention: Anaheim Ducks
We Are!