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You know what they say, “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”
I don’t know exactly who “they” is, but this sounds like absolutely terrible advice. When you break up with someone you cared about, it’s probably not the smartest idea to throw your broken spirit and body at a stranger in the hopes that they can fix you, emotionally.
They can’t fix you. They’ll probably just give you a mediocre experience in bed that will later inevitably turn to regret, as you realize that sex without intimacy or love isn’t as fulfilling as you thought.
After a former significant other has gone scorched earth, blocked you on every form of social media, and effectively stripped you from their existence, it may seem tempting to try and find someone else to resolve the crippling, yet understandable emotional baggage you may have left over from the experience.
But don’t do that.
It’s time to treat yo’self. I say this constantly at both appropriate and inappropriate times. It just seems to fit most situations. Take some time for yourself! It may have been months, years, even, that your main focus has just been on YOU.
Have you been wanting to commit to a full spa day? Maybe spend a few Benjamins with reckless abandon on a eucalyptus steam room and a full-body Swedish deep-tissue massage by a woman named Hilda? Go for it. You’re not having to save up for that anniversary present anymore.
Have you been trying to figure out how to pull off a Vegas weekend with the boys, but your ex-girlfriend just “wasn’t comfortable” with you going to Sin City with your degenerate friends? Maybe it’s time you roll the dice (pun intended) and book a flight.
Maybe this newfound freedom means that you can watch all the Kardashian trash-TV you want. Maybe it means eating Velveeta mac ‘n cheese shells for dinner three times a week because now Lauren isn’t here to tell you “that’s disgusting,” or “Seriously, Bryan? Grow up.”
Is your new existence lonely? Absolutely. Will there be some nights where Netflix asks you if you are still watching Friends multiple times because all you’ve done is lay in bed and imagine that you’re a fun-loving 25-year-old in 1990’s New York City? Yes, there will be those nights.
Personally, I deal with breakups through retail therapy. No, this is neither the safest nor smartest route to recovery, but it does help ease the pain. When I come home to boxes piled up outside my door, emblazoned with words like “Nordstrom,” and “lululemon,” it’s almost as if I can smile again. I don’t need a Bumble match or a random hook-up to make me happy! The Gucci slides delivered yesterday afternoon will probably be able to do the trick.
In all seriousness, guys and gals, breakups suck. Take a little time to do some self-care.
I’m gonna go drink champagne in my bathtub, now. .
Respond
@taylordoestweet
@itsthestovallshow
sexychocolate
I’ve been enjoying my freedom for 3 years now with no end in sight. Not sure if this is a good thing or just down right sad.
Good and bad are merely subjective perceptions, Bobo!
Is anyone really free regardless of marital status? Think about ittttttt….
Fiat currency! Sovereign citizen! Taxation is theft! Etcetera!
“as you realize that sex without intimacy or love isn’t as fulfilling as you thought.”
Whoa, enough with the crazy talk. As a man I can 100% disagree with this.
As a woman I 100% disagree with you and 100% agree with the author of this column.
As a man I actually agree with you here. I’m a big fan of somebody who knows my intimate preferences. The last thing I want is some stranger thinking a surprise finger up the bum is sexy.
Don’t knock the finger surprise until you’ve gotten a surprise finger up the bum.
This could be the best thread in this site’s history.
There was a girl in my high school who was known for popping up a thumb up there without warning. Depending who you asked she was loved, hated, sought after, or downright terrifying.
its called communication dude…. I doubt a hookup is going to immediately stick a finger in your balloon knot
Negga is right, Exfrat. If you want a finger up your bum with a random hookup you most likely will need to ask for it.
Ya, that’s what I thought too…
You gotta be careful. I’ve seen some of the “hot tips” these women’s magazines throw around and not only are they bizarre, some of them are dangerous
As a man I think there’s some sort of middle ground here. Sex without intimacy or love isn’t going to be fulfilling, but a post-breakup hookup is a good way to regain some confidence that you’re going to be able to get back out there. It’s not really for fulfillment at that point (for guys, at least).
Sex without love scratches a different sort of itch. It’s not as good as sex with someone you love, but it certainly isn’t empty and unfulfilling either.
Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?
As a different person I can say it 100% depends on what works for different people
As a man, sex without any emotion is miserable. Doesn’t have to be marriage but has to be something more than bumping uglies just because
I don’t think you should be with someone, whether boy or girl, if they don’t trust you enough to go on a trip with your friends. It doesn’t matter if the trip is to Vegas, Branson, or anywhere in-between, that’s an indication of a not-so-great relationship.
You’re completely correct. This reminds me of the concept of getting your happiness from yourself, and not depending on others for that. After my last breakup, sex was fun and all, but what really made me happy was coming home and watching what I wanted on tv, cooking what I wanted to eat, and taking a bath with a giant glass of wine. I learned what made me happy without anyone else, and it’s made all the difference.
Every time I break up, my first thought is “yes finally I can be a lazy ass and do whatever I want now.” Then later that night I realize all the intimacy and sex I’ll be losing and darkness overtakes me.
Sup?
Do you ever write a comment other than sup?
It depends on how the relationship was going. If it sucked and the sex wasn’t that good in the end, then throwing yourself at someone else is actually an excellent idea. But if you’re heartbroken and just need emotional support then maybe don’t.
If I had this advice in college, I would have been a lot better off. Still pisses me off.
Good article, Taylor. Right there with you.