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A few months ago, I was on a wonderful podcast created by writers JR Hickey and Jenna Crowley. You can hear my monotone voice and opinion on mall Santas in addition to learning my real first name, which many of you already know. It was a great honor and both JR and Jenna are wonderful people.
The reason I mention this is because they do a segment critiquing user-submitted Bumble profiles. This wasn’t an issue except for one thing: I’ve never used Bumble. Or Tinder. Or Plenty of Fish. Or any dating site ever. This is not a humblebrag or anything like that, but for a topic that is covered so often in “millennial” fashion, I feel like I missed out on the experience. I honestly don’t care nor pass judgment on people that use them because life is too short to give a shit about what people do with their lives. I’m a “live and let live” kind of person. Gen X had Match.com, the progenitor of (paid) online dating whereas we are the first generation to have free dating apps widely available.
I remember the first time I heard about Tinder. I have a friend, Mike, that used Tinder in its infancy. He was/is a handsome guy, very personable, and used Tinder with a lot of success. In fact, we often went out drinking after work and he’d have a new girl every few times. I had a girlfriend at this time so it never was in my realm but I always figured this was going to get huge because we young people are libertines at heart.
I’m not completely ignorant to the process. Many of my friends have met their partners through dating sites. Many of my friends have also met through one-night stands, had disaster dates and met sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waistoids, dweebies, dickheads and a few righteous dudes. Between my friends regaling me of tales and ‘tent through PGP, I can infer lots of things. However, I am also aware that this is like reading about driving but never actually driving.
My experience on Don’t Take It From Us made me think about the entire process. I’ve never really thought about how I had to curate myself to strangers based on some pictures and a few words. I’m also not ignorant to the fact that people enjoy dating and meeting people and also feel the societal pressure to date, marry, have kids, etc. Apps like Tinder, Plenty of Fish, etc. take away that “barrier” of “does he/she have a partner?” Some people subscribe to the “just because there’s a goalie, doesn’t mean you can’t score” mentality but that’s an article for a different writer.
Online dating has always been there in some form or another. By this, I mean there’s always been dating VHSs, actual phone calling services and newspaper ads, but the apps have cut out the middleman and streamlined the process. If there’s one thing our generation is good at, it’s slacking and making things as simple as possible. I don’t feel like any method is better than another as I met my lady the old-fashioned way: in a bar, drunk as shit, sweaty, confused, and we had an awkward hungover first date at Waffle House the next morning because we both decided we didn’t want to be one night stands.
I’m still not sure “missed out” is something I’d say but the curiosity of how the entire operation works (mixed in with many people in my generation experiencing this) has me inquisitive. I’m aware that it’s not all glamorous, from bots to ghosting to the “here today, gone tomorrow” nature of the online dating process. You only have a few pictures and sentences for someone to thin slice their entire existence and decide if you want to invest your own time in them. To me, this is some Creator-level shit that I don’t know if I could handle. I think that kind of thing would lead to me becoming callous or jaded.
Are dating apps here to stay? Probably. Every now and then, I’ll get an article across my desk about how more and more relationships are starting from online dating. I do research for a living and I enjoy reading. The old man that lives inside me wonders, “Why these dang kids can’t meet ‘em the old fashioned way” replaced quickly by “Who cares, it’s not my life.” After a few seconds, the feelings of “They’ll get divorced at a 50% rate….or will they?” and finally “We’ll all be dead someday so it doesn’t matter.” This about sums up my entire thought process of online dating. And that’s all I have to say about that. .
Respond
Madoff
I specialize in damage control, being the drunkest at any and all functions and social assassination. Always appreciate a strong gif game. Follow me on Twitter. Sometimes I put up cool stuff about golfing at the local dirt tracks.
@BLMInvestment
Just use the phrase “heyyyy ladies” in your bio and you’re guaranteed to have tons of responses
Instructions unclear: now have a horde of angry people telling me I plagiarized this article.
Comment of the year
The question is while the same hordes take travis scott to task for his reindition of “ayyy ladies”?
*porter forgive me pgp for i have sinned
Dating apps are both useful and awful at the same time. With the increased size of finding a potential mate comes the decreased tolerance for things going wrong – what wasn’t a deal breaker 20 years ago (like say…a double text) is a deal breaker now (OMG he sent me a double text? what is he – a stalker? I’m going to ghost him). Dating has never been easy, every generation has had some difficulty in it. Even cavemen couldn’t get laid unless they went out and killed a bear first.
Sometimes it seems easier to go out and kill a bear first nowadays.
I’m a notorious double texter (not in immediate succession, but several hours apart) and if they don’t like it, then fuck em. sorry i’m interested in speaking to you.
Same. I like to think it makes me look confident and like I don’t give a fuck, but might explain the crippling loneliness…
This weekend I went to my girlfriend’s parents house for a cookout with her extended family. My girlfriend and I met on Hinge.
When we got there, I realized that I had matched and chatted with her cousin a few months before we started dating — thankfully, we never went out. Later, my girlfriend told me that she had marched and chatted with her cousin’s boyfriend before she met me. This wasn’t brought up during the cookout, but it was clear that everyone remembered and it was a little weird.
Truth be told, I haven’t read your article yet. But the answer is “no.”
Depending on what state you live you, that scenario might be a dream come true
Roll Tide!
Two things: (1) I do not live in one of those states, although I used to; and (2) I am a proud graduate of the University of Alabama. Words are hurtful.
You’re proud of that? You don’t see any of us bragging about our high school diplomas.
Forget Madoff’s comment above. This is the comment of the year and it’s not even close.
Truth be told, he should have read the article and would never be in this sticky wicket
Read the article instead of jumping to conclusions and trying to be the first person to post a clever comment in order to get all the likes? What sorcery is this?
This happened to me, except instead of her cousin, it was my girlfriend’s sister.
I matched and chatted and blew off a date with my sisters boyfriend
I just think it opens up your options, why not? You can meet people the old fashioned way but also be on bumble or tinder or whatever floats your boat. Like anything else, everything is better in moderation.
Recently joined bumble and I have no idea what I’m doing. I feel like as soon as I Match with someone they want to immediately meet up, which since I’m new to online dating is still a little weird for me. When I say I’d like to talk a little first, they ghost me. Not sure what the next step is from here: delete dating apps or meet up even if I’m uncomfortable. This sucks lol
My experience was that they way people message on apps was a poor predictor of what they are like in person (which is what counts). So the optimal strategy is to get to a F2F meeting as soon as practicable.
Also guys hear the opposite of your complaint pretty often (“he’s just messaging me all week; make a move already!”)
That’s pretty weird to just ghost when someone says they want to talk a little more first most likely they wanted to meet and bone so not worth your time (especially if that’s not what you’re after). If you do want to talk to them a little before hand try to get the convo off Bumble and get to texts/calls. Once you agree to meet make sure it’s public and he doesn’t pick you up (stranger danger).
Always having a plan B has made me a worse person. I would stay away from the apps.
Hot take, but I think dating apps will in the long run will actually lead to a culture where marriage is even more sacred and less divorces will occur. I’d be hard pressed to find anyone who would tell me that they wouldn’t settle down with someone who satisfied all of their needs (physical, mental, emotional, etc.) and all these apps do is allow you the ability to not settle with someone who doesn’t. Marriage for 30 years+ is a long ass time with one person, and wouldn’t you cherish the clarity that this person is your soul mate and would make every day worth it?
Counterpoint – you get divorced and can easily, immediately set up multiple dates.
Interesting take, I don’t disagree completely. But there’s also the possibility of ‘settling’ after extensive use of the apps because it can become such a slog for some people
Every time I meet somebody from a dating app, I almost immediately realize why they can’t meet an SO in real life. And for that reason, I’m out
It’s absolutely awful. It feels hard to make an actual connection when as soon as you find the tiniest of flaws, you can swipe for someone new.
Depends on how attractive you are
My picture is right there next to my profile