Coping With Your Lingering March Sadness

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Statistically speaking, most of you have now officially lost your bracket competition. With Wisconsin’s loss to Duke last night, I locked down fourth place and will be receiving zero dollars and zero cents for my limited efforts this year.

As an Iowa State alumnus, it would be easy to look back on March Madness 2015 with nothing but sadness. My team got knocked out in the first round to a 14 seed whose mascot is a cartoon dragon. My conference became a mockery after two huge upsets in the first round. And my one chance at happiness was squashed as Jaleel Okafor came off the bench to take a giant dump all over Bucky the badger’s furry chest.

That being said, I’ve had more than ample time to bitch about my sorrows. Rather than dwelling in the past, I like to look back on some of the positives of this year’s tournament.

1. Kentucky Lost

For any Kentucky fans out there, I’m sorry. Kentucky basketball is pretty much the only thing your state has going for it — that and leading the country in firework related injuries. For the rest of us, we can relish in the fact that we don’t have 40-0 permanently inked on our butt-cheeks. Kentucky basketball is the cartoon villain of college basketball, complete with a pair of evil minions named Andrew and Aaron. To top it off, Obama picked Kentucky to win it all; a vote for Kentucky is a vote for liberal spending and tax increases.

Image via ESPN

I love to watch them lose, and this year didn’t provide me enough chances to do so. The good news for Kentucky is that anyone living there probably couldn’t watch the game because most trailer parks lack cable hookups.

2. Top Notch Blooper Reels

This year provided viewers with more than a handful of great TV moments. Between Nigel Hayes laying the moves on a female reporter

and Andrew Harrison having a Joe Biden level mic slip,

this year’s tournament provided us with comedy gold. A part of me would’ve loved to see Georgia State go all the way so we could witness their head coach getting scooped into his wheelie chair after toppling onto the court week after week. I’m just glad Kevin Ware didn’t make a cameo with his exploding femur trick this year.

3. So Many Great Matchups

If you’re a fan of college basketball in general, you know this year had a number of great and entertaining matchups. Some early bracket busters are to be expected, but by the Sweet 16, there were very few teams that didn’t at least put up a fight. Some of my favorite matchups were Notre Dame vs. Baylor, Kentucky vs. Wisconsin, and Michigan State vs. Oklahoma, just to name a few. I rely on sports to give me something to talk about at work each day. This year’s tournament made me look like the most exciting guy in the office. Even if you’re not a college basketball fan, at least the championship gave us all an excuse to go out and get bombed on a Monday night. Just keep it under control…

If none of this is enough to cheer you up, take the day off, hit the bar, and drown your sorrows. Your office is better off without you moping around all day over a sporting event, anyway. Luckily, we all have a year to recover from our terrible performance in this year’s bracket competition. Besides, fantasy baseball season is starting..

Image via YouTube

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SimpleJack

Smiling and dialing, I'm the Icky Woods of cold calls.