Celebrate, Because Now You Can Party As Hard As You Want In Manhattan And Not Get Arrested

Celebrate, Because Now You Can Party As Hard As You Want In Manhattan And Not Get Arrested

One of my buddies got arrested in Manhattan for public urination when he was at NYU. Luckily, he was well-connected enough to get out of his ticket (because it’s not what you know, it’s who you know — am I right?). But get excited, New Yorkers, because you don’t have to worry about being a responsible member of society anymore as they’ll no longer be arresting people in Manhattan for low-level crimes. You know, like drinking on the streets, peeing in public, or even littering.

Per The Observer:

The NYPD will no longer arrest most people who are caught drinking alcohol in public in Manhattan, the city announced today—but they can still get a summons.

Unless it’s “necessary for public safety reasons,” the NYPD will no longer arrest people for certain low-level offenses in Manhattan, including public consumption of alcohol, public urination, littering and riding between subway cars or taking up more than one subway seat—and Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. will no longer prosecute those infractions, his office said today.

I mean, for a city that already smells like sewage, this is huge news. I always told my friends that I’d visit them in New York more if we could ratchet up the smell of piss in the streets so, personally, I’m psyched.

Mayor de Blasio explained that their allowance of degeneracy is a part of a bigger effort to better confront larger issues at hand.

“Using summonses instead of arrests for low-level offenses is an intuitive and modern solution that will help make sure resources are focused on our main priority: addressing threats to public safety,” Mayor Bill de Blasio said in a statement.

Because yeah, I’m sure that making a public statement that you can be unruly in the Manhattan streets is really going to ease tension on the police.

Now, I’m no mayor of New York, but this just kind of seems like the type of private memo you send out to your local precincts telling them to keep arrests on the downlow. Just kind of have a tacit agreement between everyone to keep their eyes on the prize and catch the big fish rather than waste their time with drunk assholes working in finance pissing outside of their office in Times Square.

So, yeah, ultimately this sounds like it should work out well.

[via Observer]

Image via Unsplash

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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