Just bought a sick vacuum. PGP.

There’s been a tupperware of mac ‘n cheese in the break room fridge for at least a month now. PGP.

Considering a job with less pay but a much cooler title. PGP.

Finally typed up my two week notice. Realized I have no idea who it goes to in our company and no one will tell me. I literally cannot quit. PGP.

My dad guilt tripped me into flying home for Holidays. The tickets cost $800. Then he asked me what I wanted for Christmas. How about $800? PGP.

Finding out the real world doesn’t celebrate Columbus Day, the hard way. PGP.

You can tell a lot about a man from his shoes. Like how often he poops at work. PGP.

My little brother just graduated law school in the top five percent of his class. My dog got kicked out of obedience school. PGP.

25% battery by 2pm. PGP.

I’ve had more PGPs posted this month than I have sales. I’d say my priorities are straight. PGP.

Rewarding yourself for not drinking Monday and Tuesday by getting hammered before 6pm on a Wednesday. PGP.

Mom still thinks I drink too much. PGP.

Month-to-month leases. PGP.

Realizing that everyone has a Bachelor’s degree and your time and money spent in college made you average. PGP.

The urge to fiercely urinate woke me up 15 minutes before my alarm. PGP.

I just got a way too excited about downloading the Kroger app. PGP.

Gas station breakfast burrito and Pepsi for breakfast. PGP.

Whoever installed an even number of urinals can go straight to hell. PGP.

Had a customer tell me that I sound like I’ve been doing this for years. I have. Years and years and years…and years. PGP.

I spend more time researching Ebola than doing my job. PGP.