I wonder if there will ever come a day when I put my fitted sheets on the bed correctly on my first try. PGP.

Chasing Zantac with Pepto. PGP.

Messing up the photo with all your cousins on Christmas because you’re the only single one. PGP.

Getting really excited about the convenience of online bill paying. PGP.

Slowly deleting more and more pictures from Facebook that show the old you. PGP.

Being sick of your coworkers again within minutes of being back in the office after a full week off. PGP.

Forgetting trash day. Every. Single. Time. PGP.

Realizing that you spent far more money on gifts you gave than the value of gifts you received in return. PGP.

When setting up your “out of office” email reply before going on vacation is the happiest moment you’ve had in years. PGP.

Rehearsing your pitch for an Adderall prescription in the mirror. PGP.

Late to work, early to happy hour. PGP.

My mom gave me a 6-month Match.com membership for Christmas. PGP.