Oil change, haircut, or Chipotle. Pick two. PGP.

This coffee taste like tears and lost dreams.

I spent two hours updating linkedin today, I deserve a nap.

Seriously neglecting routine auto maintenance.

Doing your morning routine the night before, not to be efficient, but to wake up as late as humanly possible.

The laughter that follows after telling a coworker what you actually majored in college.

Actually having to work until the next round of tournament games. #PGP

“Your Chase statement is available online” aka look low many times you ate Chipotle this month

All your best tweets going to your drafts to die cuz you’re paranoid the offensive content will get you fired

Each time one of your friends gets engaged, you assume it’s because they knocked her up. PGP

Turning into the sad soul who sends work emails at 9 p.m.

My boss emailed me this afternoon. He called my desk phone eight minutes later because he was concerned about me not responding to him yet.