Making the wardrobe transformation from “business professional” to “homeless person” as soon as you get home. PGP.

Watching all these Ice Bucket Challenges make me glad I don’t have that many friends anymore. PGP.

Being happy starters don’t play after the first half in the preseason so I can get to bed early. PGP.

Maker’s Markers. Beta Blockers. PGP.

The only reason I’m dating him is so I can say “He’s in Law School” to everyone I meet. PGP.

My last day at my job is in ten days, my password expires in six. PGP.

Just broke up with my girlfriend. First thing I did was look at PGP for how to Tinder. PGP.

Having more sex in one day than you did in the past year. PGP.

My boss is making us all take the ice bucket challenge tomorrow, regardless of whether or not we donate. Not like I could afford to anyway. PGP.

Spent my entire lunch break reading about Ebola. PGP.

The crushing feeling of defeat when it’s finally time to let the belt out another notch. PGP.

When it comes to Tums, it’s go bulk or go home. PGP.