Just swiped right because I saw granite counters and stainless steel. PGP.

I didn’t know what #FHRITP was until today. Thanks, Jameis. PGP.

Someone hacked my debit card and took $40. Caused my account to over draft. PGP.

Dumping a girl due to her obscene student loan debt. PGP.

Spent the past two days fixing the summer interns’ mistakes. PGP.

Adderall to get me up. Ambien to bring me down. PGP.

I totally understand why life coaches exist now. PGP.

“Thank you for your patience.” PGP.

My 29 year-old coworker just called me “Punkin'”. PGP.

The only productive thing I’ve done today is download iOS 8. PGP.

“I’d love to hear what you have to say, but I can’t get my head that far up my own ass.” PGP.

My middle-aged coworker just ask me if I knew where to buy weed. PGP.