My boss has half my education and twice my salary. PGP.

Wishing you could pull a Jake Locker and retire at 26. PGP.

Having the constant fear that my mute button will malfunction at the worst possible time. PGP.

My friend just had a kid, and now he sucks. PGP.

Blowing your nose with paper towels. PGP.

One of these days I’m gonna order a beer at lunch. PGP.

According to my life insurance policy, I’m worth a lot more dead than alive. PGP.

I’m now part of “the machine” that I used to rage against. PGP.

Telling myself “I’m only going to work here for like a year tops”. That was 3 years ago. PGP.

It’s Friday and I’m here. That should be good enough. PGP.

“Let me find out and call you right back” PGP.

Having to create two different ESPN accounts so that your coworker’s group can’t see that you’re also affiliated with your college friend’s group called “Tiggo Bitties.” PGP.

I can’t grill because I live in an apartment. PGP.

Got up and made some coffee just to kill a few minutes. PGP.

All of the responsibility but none of the authority to get the project done. PGP.

I’m the only one in the office who can fix the copier when it jams. That’s real job security. PGP.

My girlfriend just got the “I would like to speak to a manager” haircut. PGP.

When going out for a beer actually means a single beer. PGP.

I just can’t get up early enough to cook breakfast. PGP.

Get drunk early. Go to bed early. Wake up early. PGP.