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The most comforting thing about the mundane 9-5 cubicle job you’re likely working is that everyone you know is just as miserable as you are. In your social circle probably exists some teacher or social worker who does meaningful things that he or she loves all day long, but at least you can take solace in the fact that they’re surrounded by people who either haven’t gotten their first menses, or were pregnant by the age of 13 — maybe both. Plus, they’re not making any money, so you can just wave your 45K salary in their FACES. Rolling in the dough, you are.
One of my best guy friends once overread a text I got from a guy, while in college, saying, “I’m not sure what I’m going to do with my life yet, but I just want to make sure I’m doing what I love.” He immediately snatched the phone from my hand, deleted the conversation, and the guy’s number, and told me “Don’t fuck with guys like that.” Guys like that, of course, being the whimsical, dream-chasing type (re: poor). You see, we’ve all become very comfortable believing that you have to choose one: money or happiness. You can’t have both. As I’ve been told by every accountant I’ve ever dated, no one likes math that much. No one likes doing taxes. They like money.
This idea, that it’s a choice, makes the world go round. We are comfortable in our misery, as long as we’re sure that everyone else’s misery is comparable to our own. We live our miserable lives, and often convince ourselves it’s better than some other life, until job offers like the Juantaroo come around.
Help wanted: An “enthusiastic” traveler to fly around the globe for a year, all expenses paid, earning $100,000 in salary for blogging about it – and for volunteering to leave each destination “a little better than when you found it.”
*Stares at computer screen. Blinks three times. Kills Self.*
Jauntaroo, which donates $1 to a non-profit organization for every person who books through them, is a website connecting vacationers with vacations (because you can’t possibly go on a vacay without a “vacation matchmaker”). They are currently looking for a Chief World Explorer who will travel the world, on Jauntaroo, and photograph and write about their experience. Umm. Hello. Blogger? Got that shit on lock. Photographer? I once got 23 likes on an Instagram photo in like two hours. I don’t see how they could find a better candidate.
To apply, all you’ve got to do is send them a 60 second video by September 15 explaining why you’re the right guy or doll for the job. *Puts on makeup. Opens up Photobooth.* After the initial videos, 50 applicants will submit a second video, and of those 50, Chief Commercial Officer Tom Wilson will select five finalists, and then a winner. Are we applying for a job or a reality show, here? Whatever. I’m like, really pretty, so it shouldn’t be a problem, and I’d honestly be cool with either.
winner job recipient will travel to 30 destinations in their 52 week tenure, at which they will partner with a charity organization for some volunteer work. According to Wilson, the job description, excuse me, itinerary “will be a mix of domestic and international places, such as Berlin, the Maldives, and, closer to home, Calistoga and Fort-Worth, but that the focus will be ‘on finding those places that are off the beaten path; those hidden gems that not everyone knows about.’”
Don’t worry, guys. After the best year of some lucky asshole’s life, they’ll go back to their cube, to a job that seems more awful than ever. Ahhh. Misery has been restored.
[via The Daily Traveler]