Ugh, this is getting off to a worse start than high school did for me. And on the first day of high school, I tripped down a pair of stairs and knocked myself out on the wall at the bottom, so that was really quite bad. Of course, this week would have been a little better if my fat fingers had actually picked the Packers, as I wrote that I would. But they didn’t, and I’m off to a pretty crappy start heading into Week 3. But it can only get better from here, right? RIGHT?
Last Week’s Record: 6-10-0
Last Week’s Standing: 43 out of 48
Washington (1-1) at NY Giants (0-2)
Giants Favored by 4.5
Eli’s got a lot on his mind, apparently.
— Bill Price (@BitterBillNYDN) September 22, 2015
So I’m going to go with Washington.
Atlanta (2-0) at Dallas (2-0)
Atlanta favored by .5
I so badly want to pick Dallas here. I don’t know why, but I actually wanted Romo to have a good season. Not as good as my beloved TB12, but decent. But a broken clavicle doesn’t sound good and neither did the bone graft for Dez. So, I’m sorry my Dallas friends, I have to do it.
Philadelphia (0-2) at NY Jets (2-0)
NY favored by 2.5
Last week, Troy Aikman said “I wonder what DeMarco Murray is thinking” during the dismal game in Dallas. Well, I can tell you – he’s thinking, “Get me the hell out of Philadelphia.”
San Diego (1-1) at Minnesota (1-1)
Minnesota favored by 2.5
This is one I don’t care about, so let’s go with a fun fact: these teams have faced each other 11 times, but neither team has ever won back-to-back, instead alternating wins. The Chargers won the last time they met in 2011, so…
Tampa Bay (1-1) at Houston (0-2)
Houston Favored by 6.5
Ol’ Crab Legs certainly looked better in Week 2, but I’m thinking that he may not look so good when dateless wonder J.J. Watt is barreling at him.
New Orleans (0-2) at Carolina (2-0)
Carolina favored by 3.5
Cam’s still smiling (and Brees has a bruised rotator cuff) so I’m still picking Carolina.
Pittsburgh (1-1) at St. Louis (1-1)
Pittsburgh favored by 1.5
The Rams have looked pretty decent, but so have the Steelers. Plus Antonio Brown was on fire last week and Le’Veon Bell is back after his two-game suspension for a substance abuse violation, so…
Indianapolis (0-2) at Tennessee (1-1)
Indianapolis favored by 3.5
What exactly is happening to the Colts? They lost to the Jets, with Frank Gore fumbling at the one yard line, Andrew Luck turning the ball over like he was betting against his own team, and even their coach Chuck Pagano saying they basically sucked. Whereas Marcus Mariota’s been a pretty decent starter for my fantasy team.
Cincinnati (2-0) at Baltimore (0-2)
Baltimore favored by 2.5
That ginger darling Andy Dalton and his Bengals really seem to be clicking this season (even with Jeremy Hill’s fumbles), whereas the Ravens defense couldn’t manage to stop the Raiders.
Oakland (1-1) at Cleveland (1-1)
Cleveland favored by 3.5
Another one I don’t care about, so I’ll go with the team whose quarterback (backup?) isn’t an annoying overrated prick.
Jacksonville (1-1) at New England (2-0)
New England favored by 13.5
Did you see Tom Brady last week? DID YOU?
San Francisco (1-1) at Arizona (2-0)
Arizona favored by 6.5
The 49ers failed to put any pressure on Big Ben last week, and given that Carson Palmer looks to have recovered pretty well from his torn ACL, San Fran’s in trouble if they haven’t gotten the defense figured out by Sunday.
Buffalo (1-1) at Miami (1-1)
Miami favored by 2.5
My hatred of Rex Ryan only grew last week, so I’m picking the Dolphins even though they couldn’t manage to score a single point in the fourth quarter against Jacksonville.
Chicago (0-2) at Seattle (0-2)
Seattle favored by 14.5
Ugh, the size of this spread makes me really uncomfortable. 14.5 is a lot of points, even against the Cutler-less bears. But still, the Seahawks will be at home and the Seahawks fans, as annoying as they are, do seem to push their team over the top.
Denver (2-0) at Detroit (0-2)
Denver favored by 3.5
According to Bleacher Report, “The Lions are a much better team than their record suggests, while the Broncos are not nearly as good as their record suggests,” and I would agree. Plus, I hate Peyton for getting that stupid Nationwide jingle stuck in my head every damn Sunday.
Kansas City (1-1) at Green Bay (2-0)
Green Bay favored by 6.5
I meant to pick Green Bay last week and fucked it up, so they get an automatic pick this week.
Pick: Green Bay
Overall Record: 13-19-0
Overall Standing: 46 out of 48 .
(Spreads as of Tuesday from OfficeFootballPool.com)
Image via Mat Hayward / Shutterstock.com