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Since the instant that state lines were first drawn in America many, many moons ago, there has been a competition for superiority between each territory. Some were automatic losers, like the hole of swampy, humid death that was and is Alabama. Everyone who went there to try and settle the area hundreds of years ago either died of heatstroke or was eaten by some kind of wild animal species that thrives in that weird climate. Could you honestly picture most of Florida before it was domesticated and covered in golf courses like it is now? Settlers probably got eaten by gators left and right. Just because there are more buildings and resorts there now doesn’t make it better. It just makes it slightly more likely that you can go and not die, except now there’s a horrific influx of giant fucking snakes, so good luck on that trip.
On the other hand, some states have always just been ahead of the pack. Case in point here, as you may have guessed, is California. Only lately has it become “less cool,” if that were even possible, to be a Californian. There are articles left and right that pop up on my newsfeed about the great sightseeing attractions and natural beauty of other states. I stumbled on a shared post the other day on some bourgeois site called something like Leisure While Vacationing, aka a site for white people trying to vacation only with other white people, and it was all about how great Kansas was. Like, are you serious? The only cool thing that’s happened in Kansas, ever, was that Dorothy’s Auntie Em lived there, and that lady is a bitch. Plus, tornados. Or Nebraska. I would give anyone in the world who could convince me to visit Nebraska a million dollars. I don’t have a million dollars, but I don’t need to, because it could never happen. The only contest Nebraska could ever win would be a contest about which state is most likely to be forgotten in the naming of all fifty.
California, the greatest state in this nation, bar none, is being scoffed at by its inferiors for its shortcomings. It’s like peasants mocking their queen. Every state, even California, has its drawbacks, and I freely admit that. But even California’s bad qualities are better than other states’. The cost of living in California is higher than a lot of other states, true. But that’s because living here is so fucking awesome. Sure, housing is expensive, but it’s expensive in New York and Oregon, too. Watching “Fixer Upper” has taught me about how much cheaper it would be to live in Waco, Texas, and how shitty it would be to live in Waco, Texas.
We also get a lot of flak for having a hippie-dippy population, but hippies are easy to live with. They’re usually super mellow folks chilling in a drum circle, and they’re always down to smoke a blunt with you. California being full of hippies is just a half-hearted jab made up by some other loser state who was grasping for something bad to say about The Golden State. (Even our slogan is superior. We got that motto because when settlers moved here in the 1800s, they figured out California was bursting at the seams with gold. I don’t know how else to signify such clear dominance.)
California is still the coolest state to be from. The second place I’d probably give to Hawaii, but first will always be held by California. All the other states have no choice but to constantly try and draw attention to their interesting or desirable features, but California never has to be that ostentatious or that desperate. California is top tier all on her own. Our own Duda threw out the idea in an article the other day that states without brutal winters have no character, and I laughed out loud into my mai tai at the swim up bar. The theory that you have to suffer to have depth of character is a myth miserable people tell themselves in an effort to add reason to their suffering. Here in California, we understand that putting so much effort into things is lame. You don’t have to try so hard here. In fact, you don’t have to try at all.
We have everything in this state, and I mean everything. You like the beach? California has close to a thousand miles of shoreline, and it’s primetime beach, baby. Sand and sun perfect for lounging, tanning, or frolicking in the waves. If you like surfing, eating bomb Mexican food, breakfast burritos with extra avocado, and being able to walk into a beachside bar with no shirt on, you’ll probably enjoy the southern section of California. If you prefer secluded, heart-stoppingly beautiful rivers, trees, and a rugged coastline, head north. Humboldt County, one of the northernmost counties in the state, is still a huge wilderness covered in redwood and sequoia trees, some of the oldest and biggest in the world, and the northern coastline rivals the southern in terms of pure natural beauty. The ocean not your thing? We have this deal called the Sierra Nevada mountain range with the best skiing and snowboarding there is. Silicon Valley, part of the Bay Area and home to Apple and Google headquarters, is the birthplace of technology. If you prefer open desert skies and rock climbing, head to Palm Springs. Lake life more of your dream? Lake Tahoe is so blue that it’ll hurt your eyes, with some of the most incredible views on the planet, and since it’s located in the mountains you can start skiing as soon as it gets too chilly for wakeboarding.
But even all of that isn’t enough to keep California in the top spot. Washington has incredible craft breweries, just like California. Hawaii has the beaches, Colorado has the mountains, and Texas has the Mexican food. What allows California to continue to outpace everyone is the attitude. There is no other state with the laid back, sunny, “whatever, man” attitude that will forever characterize California. It’s the origin of the entire concept of cool, and that can never be replicated or replaced. It’s the Beach Boys, and “Hotel California” by the Eagles, and “Californication” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. It’s driving barefoot down the Pacific Coast Highway in a convertible. It’s the crisp air of the northern forests, and the fresh scent of ocean breeze as you drink a beer in San Diego. It’s effortless, and it’s inimitable. Enough said. .
Respond
Rory Gilmore
Rory Gilmore on the outside. Emily Gilmore on the inside. Email me funny shit at rory_gilmore20@yahoo.com.
@rory_gilmore20
The problem with California is that Californians live there.
Texas has a similar problem…
Not sure why you’re getting downvoted, the Californians in Texas are the fucking worst.
Don’t California my Texas!
I would estimate that people who live in California say the word “California” 20 times, minimum, per day.
I know this will get downvoted for this but i bet people who live in Texas say “Texas” more than 20 times a day
Add in anyone who moved to Denver or Nashville. For the record I live in Texas and can confirm native Texans mention this place way too much.
No such thing.
Vegans are from California also, and they’ll tell you they’re vegan.
Your perfect weather and beautiful views do nothing to hide the fact that you have ridiculous taxes, insane regulations (I was in Del Mar a few weeks ago and they have a law that water can’t be seen pooling by the curb when you water your lawn) and the fact that some of your state laws and programs have financially destroyed cities.
I won’t even get into what other states have and why there shouldn’t even be an argument with California in it.
Also, you ever had TexMex? Whatever Mexican food they have in SoCal isn’t even close.
Also, no one wants to pay 6$ for a gallon of gas or 75cents for grocery bags.
Boy, I sure wish I could pay $3,200 a month for a 450 square foot apartment when I could head to Texas and pay $3,200 a month for a 2,800 square foot house.
California sucks
Yes, this is all 100% true, everyone. Please do not move here. Thank you.
Guys, you’re missing the bigger picture here. People gotta pay those insane taxes in order to keep the killing machine going and what better group of people to have pay then the trustafarians and happy sun people who pretend to rally against the aforementioned machine as if they can create world peace. It’s irony to the infinite degree. I love California, don’t get me wrong but let’s be honest…when the nukes start exploding, it’s the first state closest to the enemies capable of attacking us. Also, no one is going to survive a nuclear war besides maybe a handful of high ranking diplomats and CEO’s so why not live a little and move to California to enjoy the views and get a front row seat to the fireworks show? I say eat those canned food items you’ve been stockpiling in your basement as you lie to yourself and think you’re going to survive lol
Is molly one of the psyches you said to do?
Do all the psyches, man. Not all at once but at least once. Gamble with your mind here and there
Gosh darn would you not
Agreed, but you’d get way more house than that for $3,200 in Texas
Is it painful to constantly pull these awful takes out your ass?
Bags are 10cents, don’t like it then bring your own. It’s an environmental law that Californians voted for.
Gas has never been $6 a gallon here.
And the law with regards to pooling water is because of that massive 5 year drought we just had.
Also Mexican food in California reigns supreme in comparison to anywhere else.
Bringing bags isn’t a hassle.
I paid $6.13 a gallon when I was there in March.
Texas had a drought a few years back, we figured it out.
Also, you’d be surprised how little pain there actually is if you just relax and remember to breathe
I like to tell hipsters and other undesirables (see: Californians) that I drive a Chevy Silverado because I’m trying to leave a huge carbon footprint.
$6.13 in March? That’s what happens when you don’t fill up the tank when you return your rental!
Not sure where you were in the state, but that’s double the usual gas price around CA.
And we did figure it out, we made sure to conserve water and then we had that series of massive storms and the drought ended.
“Massive” haha. They weren’t that big, California infrastructure and mentality just sucks, which is really an indefensible point when an earthen dam built for flood mitigation is operated instead as a reservoir and starts washing out due to having to use the emergency, emergency spillway because the CA government is trying to hoard every drop of water.
Every larger than average storm feels “massive” when you live in Southern CA and have seen barely any rain in almost 6 years.
Coming from someone who had to be evacuated due to the earthen dam almost failing, you shouldnt joke about it. DWR had a huge part in fucking everything up, but when you have three months of basically nonstop rain something is going to fuck up. Also, I monitored all of the levee systems when the rivers were about 15 feet from going over the levees. You wanna talk about scary? having to hold back information from your friends and family members about whats going on. Think about what you say before you open your mouth about stuff you dont know.
I’m an engineer and watched it constantly as well. We got way more rain than California and had severe flooding in Central Texas as well the past two years after severe drought, but none of the dams were in threat of failure due to incompetence from the LCRA. The DWR had 6 years of drought to inspect and fix the e-spill, and the same amount of time to build a less than full retard e-e-spillway, but instead they spent their time dicking around with parking lots and boat ramps, so yes, LAUGH OUT FUCKING LOUD.
It was a Mobil station at the corner of La Jolla Village Dr and Villa La Jolla Dr in early March
So you went to the only gas station in a tiny, Uber wealthy enclave and decided thats how the entire state was? Nice
Feels like mom and dad are fighting
Aint no drought, use all the water you want
http://droughtmonitor.unl.edu
Del Mar is in the bougie part of the county, so it’s not exactly representative of San Diego as a city.
Who hurt you?
Who gives a shit. Most states have redeeming and shitty qualities.
This x100000000. I wish this site would cool it with these “my thing is better than your thing” blogs.
You Californians think you are so much better than everyone. Yeah, I hope y’all secede and then i’ll laugh when the San Andreas Fault puts you in the ocean.
That’s pretty much inevitable in hundreds of years without secession
One of the few things I remember from college: San Andreas fault line might take out SF down to LA… But San Diego will only get an earthquake of around 6.5… So America’s Finest City will one day become Cali’s next capitol. So there’s that?
I’m not sure how that would affect the current capitol, Sacramento, either, other than making the drive to the beach shorter.
Please don’t leave me here with the rest of these idiots.
California has more debt than the majority of stats combined and is teetering as close to bankruptcy as it is to falling into the Pacific. I don’t see California colleges being flocked to by Texans. I do see Texas colleges being flocked to by Californians. Texas Forever.
Add Arizona and Colorado schools to that list. Half of CU Boulder is from SoCal.
As a Californian who flocked to a Texas college, I can confirm. I returned to liberal Disneyland postgrad and am just miserable while I wait for the Stockholm syndrome to kick in.
I’m not sure you want to be comparing the quality of CA and TX colleges…
I wasn’t speaking to quality, just number of out of state residents. Any argument of quality of CA colleges divulges into a political argument with someone eventually using a line like “liberal cesspools,” so I refrain from that.
Put aside politics, I still take UCLA or Stanford over UT or Rice.
Stanford is the only Cali school I’d have considered going to over UT. And that’s really just to get into proximity to Silicon Valley.
UC Berkeley doesn’t have letter grades for law school, but it does have cesspools. Tempting tradeoff.
California also has the 6th largest economy in the world.
That does absolutely nothing to address the fact that the state has a mountain of debt and will inevitably go bankrupt given the public policies. Texas is the 10th largest economy in the world.
Haha out of the 10 most applied to colleges in the US, 9 are California Colleges..the tenth Boston…good job Texas! So to correct your statement everyone is flocking to California
Sweet stat. Unless they tell you that more Texans are going to California than Californians are coming to Texas, it says nothing about my original comment, which had nothing to do with national averages. Not to mention, applied for and attending are two very different statistics.
You say “You don’t have to try so hard here” but LA is the city of being a try hard.
California is like a top house fraternity at a big state school. Everyone who’s not a part of it talks shit about them, the people who are a part of it are usually are huge douche bags, but when you visit one of their events you can’t help but be a tad jealous about how awesome things are there.
ITT: Texans and Californians at each others throats. Turn back now.
I’d pay money to watch that fight, but it would be real short.
California is great if you want to be constantly bombarded with accusations of racism, sexism, ableism, cisgenderedism, etc. You better check your damn privilege and stay woke.