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Engaged people, myself included, tend to have an air of smugness surrounding them (us?) that makes other people cringe. Specifically, other single people. Watching two people post on social media constantly about their alleged undying dedication to each other becomes even more nauseating when there’s finally a ring involved, and you’re sitting at home alone because your Bumble date just canceled on you. I acknowledge that fact willingly because I’m one of those people now posting photos of my ring on Instagram and daring people to give me shade.
Engaged people are annoying. Married people are almost as bad, but once the glow of marriage fades and you gain back the twenty pounds you lost for the wedding you become a little more tolerable to be around. I, however, am not at that point yet. I’m just engaged. Being engaged has almost all the benefits of marriage but without the binding legal commitment. I have a little time before I need to start planning a wedding in earnest, so basically for the time being I get to enjoy everyone congratulating us without having to sweat over wedding planning. It’s a blissful time on my end.
However, this time has also caused a lot of my friends to basically hate my guts.
Not only have my single friends had to deal with the true love Instagram posts that make everyone except my mom roll their eyes, but they’ve also had to deal with my inflated sense of personal triumph. I tricked someone into committing themselves to me. I’m living the dream of having someone in my life who’s so blind to my flaws that she agreed to consider allowing me to bind myself legally to her forever, like a mollusk to her heart. As a result of my now-enormous ego, I’ve also been preaching non-stop to everyone around me about how to find love. I’m now a romantic relationship expert, and I consider myself well-equipped and qualified to dispense free advice freely and condescendingly, whether you asked to hear it or not.
To a certain extent, I do feel justified. Yeah, I said it. I’ve got a hand weighed down by carats over here, and you’re over there nursing resentment at me for succeeding where single people haven’t yet. It’s hard not to feel superior. That being said, I have to expose my throat to the knife here by admitting that I still don’t know shit about relationships. Does anyone, really? Sure, I’m engaged, but what does that really mean? My fiancé could still leave me at any time. There are only metaphorical chains tying her to me at this point until she marries me and I can buy the real ones. (Just kidding. Or am I?) Basically, I’m at the same fucking point I was at before the engagement, man. I still have no fucking clue what to say on a first date, or how to properly apologize to that guy whose dick you barfed on while giving him a beej. I might be able to act like I know it all now, but in reality, I’m just as lost as any other single girl out there wondering if she’ll ever find someone who will love her through the good times and the bad. So, really, I should kick the whole self-righteous attitude I have going for me right now and admit to the truth. I’m still a mess. I’m just a mess who happens to be engaged.
However, honesty never got anyone anywhere. And it’s too much fun to watch people’s tight, fake smiles as they’re forced to listen to my spiel about finding love because they’re trying to be polite even though we both know I’m the most obnoxious person on the planet. For now, I’m going to keep enjoying the free congratulatory drinks and acting like an asshole until someone calls me out. Just don’t rain on my parade quite yet, okay? I spent all my money on a ring and I really do need all the free beer I can get right now. .
Respond
Rory Gilmore
Rory Gilmore on the outside. Emily Gilmore on the inside. Email me funny shit at rory_gilmore20@yahoo.com.
@rory_gilmore20
Nice humble brag. Get out of here with your happiness and love.
Thou sayteh unto thee, be gone with thy merriment and let the rest of us sulk in our sorrrows. – TheRealJesus 1:11
“A reading from the Gospel according to Adultus Maximus”
I need a drink.
sup?
Where do you get your study materials? I’m going to jump on the CFA train this year.
I just used the CFA materials tbh. They probably go way too in depth though. I’ve heard Kaplan is really good for summarizing topics, but I’ve also heard they summarize a little too much.
Kaplan Schweser is the best in my opinion. Still use the CFA provided practice problems though. Desk Jockey has it right though, I studied about 250 hours each for the first 2 exams and probably could have done more.
Also make sure you stay committed. I lost track about halfway through and couldn’t recover. If you’ve taken the Series 7, that’s child’s play compared to CFA. Gotta have your shit together and have no life whatsoever. Just some tips from experience.
Congrats on the engagement sex. Own it- you accomplished something major in your personal life, it’s your time to shine. Never forget- haters make you famous.
Now excuse me while I go furiously swipe on Tinder and Bumble in between sets at the gym.
Probably not PC to ask, but I have no idea based on this article and your bio if you are a boy or a girl or one of those other, uh, groups.
Also, Ctrl+F “engaged” brought 9 results.
She’s a lady marrying another lady.
I think we established a while back she’s a lesbian.
I’m strong, not smart.
What I’m most fascinated by is that she said she bought her fiancee a ring, but she has one too. Did they buy rings for each other? I know Rory did the proposing, but where did her ring come from?
So do they both have diamond engagement rings? I was wondering this myself.
Literally referred to herself as a girl. Also, Rory Gilmore: female television character.
I like that they both got rings. I love my fiancé but your kidding if you think I’m not a little bummed I didn’t 20K worth of…anything.
open bar at the wedding right?
Stock photo girl- probably would.
Carat(s)…?
Good for you.
One less female writer to sup? Guys. Our options are dwindling
Well she’s a lesbian so…
Ladies, our options are dwindling.
“I have a little time before I need to start planning a wedding in earnest, so basically for the time being I get to enjoy everyone congratulating us without having to sweat over wedding planning.”
Bullshit. I got engaged 2 months ago. You need to book your venue, photographer, caterer, and band (if desired) in the next few weeks. If not, you’ll call up a vendor to only here them say, ‘I’m sorry, we’re booked for that day.’ I called 5 photographers before I found one that was available. I called 3 caterers. If I didn’t book the church months before I got engaged, I would have had to wait almost 2 years for availability.
Sweat now. Book everything. Relax afterwards.
Maybe they are planning on a long engagement.
In all honesty, we already hated you