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Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh. This Tuesday is way harder than any Monday in recent history. I haven’t been in the office since December 23rd, and coming back after my staycation is way harder then I imagined… particularly since I didn’t do at least half of the things I planned to do while I was “working at home,” instead opting to watch endless hours of Investigation Discovery. But as much as I’m hurting coming back into the office, I still had a better weekend than these people.
Penn State Football
Yes, Penn State lost to USC in the Rose Bowl on Monday. But that’s not actually the reason they had a crappy weekend? Imagine watching the team that arguably took your slot in the College Football Playoff – that would be Ohio State – score zero points in their semi-final Fiesta Bowl game against Clemson on Saturday. I mean, SI.com said the game exposed “an overmatched offensive line, a pedestrian passing game and play calling so out of synch former Buckeyes linebacker Darron Lee called it “trash” on Twitter.” It was the first time the Buckeyes have been shut out in bowl game since 1920. In other words, it was a clusterfuck.
Meanwhile, Penn State had watch the team that took their place screw the pooch, which, despite their win on Monday, still had to smart a little bit. [via SI.com]
Ronda Rousey
NYE weekend started early for Rousey when she returned to ring on Friday night to take on Amanda Nunes in which was supposed to be her triumphant return after losing to Holly Holm last November. Unfortunately, it didn’t go as well as she planned.
Rousey was knocked out by Nunes 48 seconds into the match, when Nunes landed 23 of the 35 strikes she throw during the opening minute of the bout. Once she recovered (which I imagine didn’t take that long), Nunes took to Twitter to mock Rousey:
Nunes continued her parade of self-confidence, telling The Washington Post, “I’m the best on the planet. She’s going to go do movies. Forget about her. She has a lot of money already.”
May we all go into 2017 with as much confidence as Amanda Nunes. [via US Weekly]
Mariah Carey
The only person Ronda Rousey probably liked this weekend was Mariah Carey, because Mariah’s NYE meltdown distracted from Ronda’s pre-NYE smackdown.
As you probably saw already, Mariah’s “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve” performance went awry when she was unable to hear her track, causing her to be quite out of sync with her lip-syncing. Carey eventually just gave up and stood on the stage, saying, “Well, Happy New Year. We can’t hear, but I’ll just go through the motions,” and then adding, “I’m trying to be a good sport here.”
The good sport has pretty much gone by the wayside since Saturday night, with Mariah’s camp and the producers of the show lobbing insults over whose fault the disastrous performance was. The producers allege that Carey skipped rehearsals and that there were no problems with the audio systems, putting the blame on Carey; Carey’s team denies those claims and puts the blame back on the production team.
But honestly, who cares? Watching the singer of my least favorite Christmas song ever blow it on NYE was a perfect way to close out 2016. [via EW]
These Backpackers
I don’t understand people that camp. I have absolutely no idea why anyone would ever want to sleep outside. But even people that are insane enough to want to spend their vacation time in the woods don’t deserve to watch all of these stuff float away – which is exactly what happened to some backpackers who were just trying to celebrate New Year’s Eve.
A rental car belonging to the backpackers rolled off the back of a ferry headed to Fraser Island, Australia. There were no passengers in the car, but the group who was travelling in the car lost their passports, cell phones, credit cards, and other possessions when they watched the car bob in the ocean and then sink.
Well, I guess the bright side they can literally live the “New Year, New Me” mantra. [via Mashable]
Chargers’ Head Coach Mike McCoy & 49ers’ Head Coach Chip Kelly
McCoy and Kelly join the Bills’ Rex Ryan, the Rams’ Jeff Fisher, and the Jaguars’ Gus Bradley as head coaches who have gotten canned this year, along Broncos’ Gary Kubiak, who is “retiring.” All I want is for one of these teams to hire the Lions’ offensive line coordinator Jim Bob Cooter as head coach so I can hear his name and giggle even more on Sunday. .
Image via YouTube
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
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Penn St would have been crushed by Clemson. Do I think Ohio St should have been in there? No, but Penn St was not the team to replace them.
Honestly, the Big Ten in general had a horrible weekend.
Wisconsin won, don’t care what happened to your team.
Against Western Michigan… Congrats man!
Against the spread, opponent is irrelevant.
Except they didn’t cover…line was 8.5. MAC pride, Row the Boat!
Lucky I had them at -7.5 and W. Michigan fucked up that field goal.
I agree. Anyone would have been crushed in that game. I thought Bama was a hard lock to easily win the championship but now I have my doubts. Also, I hate to say this, but with that QB I think USC is back.
It’s basically gonna just be another big crapshoot every single year like the BCS was. At least the BCS was virtually all computer generated and not biased. People wanted the “human element” added to the selection, and they got it. Trouble is, they still bitch and moan. “But make it an 8 team playoff” they say. Then we’re just going to complain about the teams ranked 9+ who didn’t get in. People are going to whine about this every single year until football is no longer; it’s what sports fans do.
I’d be interested in a 6 team playoff where 1 and 2 get a bye. I think that should be the limit though.
Should be top 5 conference champions and group of 5 leader. If you can’t win your conference championship, you shouldn’t be allowed.
I cried. Lost two bets because of the Ohio State game. Still a Buckeye for life. Let’s hope our basketball team can do something.
Didn’t realize Jesus was a Buckeye fan. Sup?
Sup?
Watching Big Ronda get her face smashed in repeatedly made my weekend.
“Meanwhile, Penn State had watch the team that took their place screw the pooch, which, despite their win on Monday, still had to smart a little bit.”
I felt like Floyd Mayweather trying to read this sentence.
And despite whose win?? That reads as if Penn State won the Rose Bowl (they didn’t) but it still kind of sucks because Ohio State got stomped (kind of).
Hope we can keep the content coming on this god awful day. A pair of ‘sodes of dudes doing business and touching base would be ideal rn to get me to and through lunch.
Super depressing that when this column was written, PSU hadn’t totally blown their massive 3rd quarter lead. </3
“Despite their win on Monday” WHOOPS!
I was writing during the game and then it took a turn for the worse 🙁
Nothing about the browns losing to the Steelers’ back ups?
That’s par for the course for the Browns. They could find a way to lose against a pop-warner football team if they wanted
At least we’re not Detroit.
Detroit is in the playoffs bro, earned that fair and square closing out the season with several losses.
He’s referring to the fact they didn’t go 0-16 like Detroit did
All true Lions fans wanted to keep the 0-16 record to ourselves. It’s a point of pride now. We weathered the storm in 2008 and are now *slightly* better than average.
I took a lot more joy out of Rousey getting her ass beat than I thought I would. I hope Nunes gets her shine now that she’s defended her title.
Mariah Carey’s bomb of a performance was everything my 2016 needed. Sometimes the universe throws you a bone.
Whiny SJWs who tried to stop Milo’s book from being released.