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1. Never pass that message along to your coworker.
2. Duck out early.
3. When questioned about an email you didn’t read, just say it went to your spam folder.
4. Use emojis in business correspondence.
5. Never call that guy back.
6. If your slacks are wrinkled, just throw them in the drier with a wet towel.
7. Make the intern do it.
8. Send an email as soon as you wake up so it looks like you’re working.
9. Turn down your coworkers when they invite you to lunch.
10. Don’t make a difference in the community.
11. Only network when there’s alcohol involved.
12. Be very open about your recreational drug use.
13. Look for a new job while working at your current job.
14. Roll in late and claim that you had a family emergency.
15. Refuse to take your headphones off when a coworker starts talking to you at your desk.
16. Don’t acknowledge the janitorial staff.
17. Get caught looking down Denise’s shirt.
18. Don’t pass along that résumé you got from your friend’s little brother.
19. Last to arrive, first to leave.
20. Immediately point the finger at someone else when something goes wrong.
21. Call in sick Monday because you went too hard on Sunday.
22. Don’t courtesy flush.
23. Do not refill the Keurig with water.
24. Don’t RSVP to that wedding.
25. Stare at your phone during meetings.
26. Refuse to set goals for yourself.
27. Leave happy hour with your coworkers after one beer to go meet your real friends somewhere else.
28. Don’t congratulate your coworkers on their successes.
29. Ask people how much money they make.
30. Refuse to answer phones when your front desk lady has to step away for a moment.
31. Leave your shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot.
32. Never thank your boss for picking up lunch.
33. Don’t wear undershirts and leave at least one button unbuttoned.
34. Rock some croakies at all times throughout the day.
35. Leave your spitter on a highly visible portion of your desk.
36. Wear that skinny tie to a meeting..
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Dave
Lawyer. Writer. Dude doing business. I'm the meatloaf guy from tv.
@dcarterruff
@dcruff
dcarterruff
david@grandex.co
37. Not giving any sort of explanation at all to your loyal readers what happened to their favorite writer.
They probably can’t tell you what happened for legal reasons. #PGP, you know. No one I know is particularly happy he’s gone, though.
Brian used to keep it pleasantly unprofessional.
D-Man, let’s have a real discussion here. If PGP is going to continue ignoring user submissions, comments, and requests while increasing listicles and JayTas articles (they suck and people really aren’t kidding or being sarcastic, they’re just trash) to fill the recent void by McGannon and Knox’s absences, then we have a serious issue on our hands.
I appreciate your work and yeah it’s good to see Rob Fox making his way over here to pick up some slack, but can you guys really say you’re trying when you can’t even post a new video that isn’t John Oliver?
Where’s the passion and drive to appeal to your audience of the passionless post grad? We all know what PGP could be, and we all know it isn’t there right now.
I’m not mad, just disappointed.
We miss you, Brian. Grandex, we’ll forgive you if you bring him back.
The only reason I even come back to the site is for the other commenters. The articles have turned to absolute dog shit without Brian and Knox churning out the good stuff.
I mean this very sincerely when I say PGP is absolutely nothing and will be nothing without another Brian/Knox.
Can I just say, if Brian is really gone (and he clearly is), that was the most shit succession plan I have ever seen implemented in my short career. Really, Grandex? The guy ran PGP. No farewell article? No, “we decided to go in different directions?” Just a bunch of pissed off readers commenting on every article that they miss Bri guy. Fuck that. That is fucking retarded, and I expect more as loyal reader that’s been following your websites for the past 5 years.
37. Read this article while on the phone making a call
38. Making the universal jerk off motion while talking on the phone
J off motion while on the phone is a classic.
I find myself doing while reading E-mails now too. Speaking of which read a submission or two, D-guy.
You can’t just replace power moves with this shit. Brian would be so pissed.
While upset with his departure, I would honestly be OK with at least someone coming out and providing some half-assed reason as to why both of them are gone. Doesn’t need to get too personal (Catie is a sucubus and stole Bri guy’s soul), just something. Like some have said, a lot of us are fairly passionate and visit this site on the daily, a little respect towards the individuals that essentially provide you with a career would be appreciated. Just be the responsible person and give us the closure we ask for. We promise we’ll stop texting you to hang out when we’re drunk.
Very much agreed. While sad that he’s gone, at least acknowledging us would be appreciated.
Check out his LinkedIn page – McGannon ended his employment at Grandex March 2015
Prob got canned for fishing off the company pier.
Good luck to all of you at Grandex, the hate spewing will only get worse without any explanations.
Brian is the man but Knox columns have to be my favorite read on this site. The guy is hilarious.