40 Signs You Peaked In High School


  1. You still wear your letterman jacket.
  2. You think of your freshman year lab partner as the one that got away.
  3. You’re jealous of the guy they call “The Sandwich Artist” at work. That guy’s really going places. You? You’re just a sandwich maker.
  4. You don’t have a savings account…or a checking account, for that matter.
  5. You still receive an allowance.
  6. You still live with your parents, and you always have.
  7. Your “glory years” involved a homeroom and a jockstrap.
  8. You’ve never voted.
  9. Your license has been suspended three times.
  10. You buy beer for kids you don’t even know.
  11. Your name is Junior.
  12. It’s unclear if you actually graduated.
  13. Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused is your idol.
  14. Dazed and Confused is your favorite movie.
  15. You can still roll a sick joint.
  16. You own a vaporizer.
  17. There’s a Baywatch poster on your bedroom wall.
  18. You’ve googled “get rich quick” in the past twenty-four hours.
  19. Your parents have completely and utterly given up on you.
  20. The cops in your town know you by name.
  21. You woke up on your parents’ lawn last weekend.
  22. You own a reptile.
  23. Your mom makes your bed.
  24. You have a “2003 State Champs” tattoo on your shoulder.
  25. Your dad stopped looking you in the eye ten years ago.
  26. You dabble in selling weed.
  27. People have stopped telling you that you have potential.
  28. You really aren’t going places.
  29. You think that the ice cream truck guy has it made.
  30. Your pants all have drawstrings.
  31. Your favorite band is still Sublime.
  32. Your class ring is your most prized possession.
  33. You masturbate to your old yearbooks.
  34. You have a flip phone.
  35. You had sex beneath the bleachers…last week.
  36. You’ve memorized the age of consent in every state.
  37. You enjoy WWE.
  38. You went home with your Home Ec teacher at your 10-year reunion.
  39. People incorrectly assume that you have a learning disability.
  40. Your career aspiration is to coach the JV football team.

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Catie Warren

Catie struggles with adulthood and has been celebrating her 21st birthday for the past three years. She attended college in the nation’s capital and to this day is angry that Pit Bull lied to her, as you cannot, in fact, party on The White House lawn. Prior to her success with PGP, Catie was most famous for being featured in her hometown newspaper regarding her 5th grade Science Fair Project for which she did not place. In her spare time, she enjoys attributing famous historical quotes to Marilyn Monroe and getting in fights with thirteen year olds on twitter. Email:

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