1. Never pass that message along to your coworker.
2. Duck out early.
3. When questioned about an email you didn’t read, just say it went to your spam folder.
4. Use emojis in business correspondence.
5. Never call that guy back.
6. If your slacks are wrinkled, just throw them in the drier with a wet towel.
7. Make the intern do it.
8. Send an email as soon as you wake up so it looks like you’re working.
9. Turn down your coworkers when they invite you to lunch.
10. Don’t make a difference in the community.
11. Only network when there’s alcohol involved.
12. Be very open about your recreational drug use.
13. Look for a new job while working at your current job.
14. Roll in late and claim that you had a family emergency.
15. Refuse to take your headphones off when a coworker starts talking to you at your desk.
16. Don’t acknowledge the janitorial staff.
17. Get caught looking down Denise’s shirt.
18. Don’t pass along that résumé you got from your friend’s little brother.
19. Last to arrive, first to leave.
20. Immediately point the finger at someone else when something goes wrong.
21. Call in sick Monday because you went too hard on Sunday.
22. Don’t courtesy flush.
23. Do not refill the Keurig with water.
24. Don’t RSVP to that wedding.
25. Stare at your phone during meetings.
26. Refuse to set goals for yourself.
27. Leave happy hour with your coworkers after one beer to go meet your real friends somewhere else.
28. Don’t congratulate your coworkers on their successes.
29. Ask people how much money they make.
30. Refuse to answer phones when your front desk lady has to step away for a moment.
31. Leave your shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot.
32. Never thank your boss for picking up lunch.
33. Don’t wear undershirts and leave at least one button unbuttoned.
34. Rock some croakies at all times throughout the day.
35. Leave your spitter on a highly visible portion of your desk.
36. Wear that skinny tie to a meeting..
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