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Sitting at my desk the other day, I began crafting a text on my new iPhone 6 Plus that’s making my hands feel incredibly tiny when a curious thing happened.
My phone just autocorrected "rose" to "rosé" for me. I'm such a basic bitch.
— Will deFries (@WilldeFries) July 23, 2015
Then, on Saturday, I went to the market with the pure intentions of buying dinner for a relaxed night in watching HBO. But that’s not what transpired. I walked out of there with a liter bottle of rosé, three avocados, bread (presumably for avocado toast aka Basic Fuel), and a six-pack of beer.
And it was at that moment I accepted what I had already known for years: I’m a basic bitch.
It’s not just because I really want to buy Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance or because I’m fully convinced ginger Kombucha cures my hangovers. It’s also because I want to wear lululemon work out clothes. I want to send selfies on Snapchat of myself laying out. I want it all.
See, I began as being baseline basic at an early age. Growing up a full-blown mama’s boy who couldn’t spend the night at anyone’s house until deep into middle school, I was the most basic pre-teen kid at my school. Everything I owned had my initials on it, my favorite food was a boneless chicken breast marinated in fat free Italian dressing, and I refused to go to camp because I found the outdoors to be gross and dirty unless I was golfing or swimming at the pool. It was in my blood.
As I grew older, my basicicity only amplified. If you looked in my closet right now, you’d find a monogrammed turtleneck that I can’t wait to wear every Christmas. I sparingly use a $68 bergamot-scented lotion on my sunburns. Even today I can’t shower without using a loofah. While the surface of my internet history is sports related, digging deeper you’ll find an array of Refinery 29s and miscellaneous Tumblrs. Even on Instagram I follow Chrissy Teigen, Broad City, Yes Way Rosé, and all of the Jenners. It’s endless.
But, at the root of it all, I’m not even convinced being basic is that bad of a thing. Being a basic bitch is described as:
Someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it. She engages in typical, unoriginal behaviors, modes of dress, speech, and likes. She is tragically/laughably unaware of her utter lack of specialness and intrigue. She believers herself to be unique, fly, amazing, and a complete catch, when really she is boring, painfully normal, and par. She believes her experiences to be crazy, wild, and different or somehow more special than everything that everybody else is doing, when really, almost everyone is doing or has done the exact same thing.
I may be in the minority here, but I’m not sold on the idea that being “different” is all that it’s cracked up to be. I love peer pressure and solidarity. When I’m at a restaurant and all of my friends order Dark & Stormies after I order a vodka soda, I’m the guy who hails down the waiter and says, “Actually, can I change my order to a Dark & Stormy?” When I’m having lunch at Nordstrom Cafe Bistro, I’m not trying to set myself apart. I’m trying to eat a niçoise salad with salmon because it’s tasty as hell and only 654 calories.
Being basic isn’t about being diverse. It’s about enjoying mid-summer iced Americanos with almond milk and taking photos of your duck boots on fallen piles of leaves come autumn. It’s about complimenting the warm brie at the wine tasting your friend coordinated for his girlfriend’s birthday and intentionally wearing a Masters polo to happy hour where you think someone may take some photos.
At the end of the day, isn’t being basic better than being bohemian or a scenester? Instead of coming off as a try-hard, I’m just floating along enjoying activities that I see all my WASP-y friends on Instagram partake in. You can’t criticize that because none of it is outlandish or over-the-top. If I want to go to a juice bar and ask for extra chia seeds in my smoothie, who are you to stop me? If you want to talk down on me for spending my Sunday at the Macy’s anniversary sale trying on Tommy Bahama shirts, be my guest. But I’m not just going to lie down and try to be different. This is who I am.
The next time you see a group of girls at an oyster bar talking about how much they love the new Chainsmokers song, just know that those are the girls I’m trying to be with. And when you see a group of dudes discussing their golf swings in the middle of a beer garden that serves buckets of Miller Lites, recognize that I’m probably en route to meet up with them. Because underneath these sun-faded pocket tees and J. Crew chinos, I’m completely comfortable with who I am. And who I am is a basic bitch.
If drinking rosé, loving brunch, and thinking The Mindy Project is legitimately funny is wrong, then I don’t know if I even want to be right. .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
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will@grandex.co
Most of the people that are making the argument about being a basic bitch are usually the same people that say that say that Greeks are all conformists. Not trying to get all “TFM attitude” on here, but I prefer a conversation on the golf course flipping between the long term advantages of bumping up my 401k contribution by 1% and if Spieth will perform just as well at the next Masters, as opposed to vintage flannel shirts/skinny jeans/ whatever the hipsters talk about. I want to be able to retire at some point and live comfortably and leave my family with a nice nest egg when I pass away. Business deals are made in those beer gardens and on those golf courses, and with those deals comes money. Like GS Elevator said “The cliché is that having money is about not wasting time. But in reality, money is about facilitating spontaneity.” and if I have a weekend free and decide that I am going to drive up to NYC to live it up, I want to be able to afford that.
Also, you shouldn’t ever feel bad about using a loofah. They are effective and efficient.
This. The majority of our generation tries so hard to be a rebel/individual, so they get tattoos, go to EDM concerts, major in art, etc. But millions of others are doing the exact same thing. With feminists and hipsters who say shit like “check your privilege,” being successful is often looked down upon. The real individuals of our generation are the successful ones. I certainly won’t apologize for working my way to becoming privileged, because I’m earning those privileges.
I go to EDM concerts because I suffer from FOMO. I’ll attend any concert as long as they are open to me making bad decisions.
Don’t get me wrong, I like EDM and getting fucked up to music in general, but I’ll only go to a concert once a year at most. I meant more like the PLUR hippie douchebags who do it EVERY weekend with the bracelets and bead masks and boas and shit. They’re only able to go to every event because they don’t have jobs and live with their parents.
Yea I know what you mean. Part of the draw of going to those concerts is the people watching aspect. I like to know how the other half lives so I can rationalize sitting at a desk and going through the day to day grind.
The other half drinks Mr. Boston vodka and rails lines of “Molly” that’s actually 90% crystal meth, 10% Drano. Definitely makes me feel better about my 40 hours a week.
So not PLUR of you. Sounds like this guy could use another 6 bracelets.
Amen, Brother. And if you want that, you gotta hussle. Here is your Mid-Monday T-Boost
People who don’t use loofah’s are disgusting
Loofas trap bacteria and essentially turn into petri dishes
Fact or not, don’t you dare speak ill of loofahs.
Yeah, so do toothbrushes. That’s why you get a new one every 2-3 weeks. They’re like $2
Or you can just boil a pot of water and swish that sucker around in there for a few seconds. Nice and sterile, just like my milk man trusting father.
Fuck, I can’t comment in emojis? Not very basic-friendly…
I don’t think dudes can be basic. Dudes do things because they enjoy having / doing what they want, regardless of others’ perceptions of their choices and actions. I wear the clothes I wear and do the things I do because it makes me happy, not others. I think girls are more easily labeled as “basic” because part of their motivation is their recognition of others treating them like they are “basic.”
Hipsters, on the other hand, just confuse the hell out of me because all of their decisions are based on the perception of others and the reaction that ensues, which must be exhausting. I’ll stop generalizing now.
Guys can absolutely be basic. Have you never witnessed two bros in tank-tops discussing supplements? Or guys flexing in the bar bathroom mirror with their button-down sleeves rolled up?
I have not, but that’s called Douchey, not Basic. I guess my thought is if you fall into a named social category of people aged 20 – 30-somthing it’s because of your intent and attitude. Doing something because you like it is being a normal human being. Doing something to get a response out of others equals douchey, trendy, hipster, basic, etc. etc.
Do what you want, wear what you want and order to drink and eat what you want, the caveats being don’t talk about it too much, don’t expect others to like what you like, and keep your mouth shut when you find out they don’t.
I don’t know if you would call them basic, douchebags would be a more accurate description
I like to think that being white as possible doesn’t make me basic, it just makes me white as fuck. I’m ok with the latter.
If liking Dark and Stormies makes me basic then so be it.
Count me in for literally everything you just said.
I feel like there’s a lot of defensive behavior in the comments that start with some solid points, and then end by building strawmen of “the other people.” Like, enjoy what you enjoy, but don’t bring yourself up by putting “hipsters” down.
Ansari’s book was interesting, but mostly just a lengthy sociology study (that doesn’t really tell you much that anyone who isn’t a celebrity already knows: people use dating websites, are bad at texting, etc.) with very few good jokes.
Call me a basic dude, but a chilled sauvi blanc or rosé is about as refreshing as it gets.
Be a man. Bro.